The Loveless Lives
by Nerdette Love
Summary: All left broken by their past, it's up to Bella to fix them. High school is a war ground, and should friendship come before love? Will Bella be able to reveal her feelings for Alice without being shunned? Dark Moments. A/B Femslash. BELLICE! AH TEMP HIATUS!
1. Preface

_Dedicated to Villemo79 who is indeed a Bellice veteran!_

~**Preface~**

"Mum, please stop the car," the little girl says, almost begging. Her cheeks are tear stained and red, and the colour only proceeds to deepen as the tears continue to flow. Her face sore and hurting from the continual flow of tears.

But it's worth the pain for those few moments.

She whines again, "Mum please." This time, her voice high and pleading.

She gasps.

The little girl's mum whips her head around, her hair flying across her face. Time passes slowly for those few moments. Her eyes move away from the road for a split second to look at her daughter.

Those eyes wide and open.

Mouth agape.

Tears flowing silently.

Now assigned to their fate.

_Preparing for impact._

The mother's brow furrows in concern and worry – those eyes full of love.

"MUM!" The little girl screeches – ear piercing, blood curdling. Her pale little arm lifts and points ahead, shaking and trembling. Her tears flowing faster still. Those little pink lips tremble.

The woman turns her head back to the road, seeing the building at the last moment, but it's too late to do anything. Her hands grip the wheel uselessly, holding back the shakes and the fears.

"Close your eyes, darling, and remember I love you!" The mother calls to her only daughter, the one she loves and cares for, as she prepares to meet her maker.

The car brakes; it's useless now as they screech along the road, leaving behind marks that only the townspeople will see and remember as the end of her life.

The last reminder.

"I love you, Alice," the woman calls again. Just as the car makes impact. The tires make their final squeaking protest.

_Crunch. Crash. Bang. Screech._

Crackling, the fire starts. Smoke rises in the air. Flames seek out substance to burn and scold. It cracks the windows so the smoke can enter and invade the lungs. As the window busts, one off the car doors creaks open after the girl's tiresome tugging.

She stumbles out of the car, tears pouring from her sore, reddened eyes with her arms outstretched. Searching for the mother, who isn't there.

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><p>She sits staring at the bible in her hands. Wondering whether she'd have friends if her mother was different.<p>

"Isabella Marie Swan, you will read the bible now or so help me .." The lady, the girls' mother, trailed of, realising what her words were going to be.

Blasphemous.

How hard it is to adapt to a new lifestyle.

"But, I don't want to, mummy, all the kids at school laugh at me."

The girl sniffed, close to tears after her first day in her new year. She was labelled 'the freaky bible girl' because her mother worshipped God.

"Now, Isabella, if you were a strong believer in God, then those children would not make fun of you. Read the bible like a good girl while I make dinner." The lady, her mother swanned of into the kitchen.

While the still, young innocent girl stared at the open bible in her hand. Looking at the words, thinking how they hurt.

Homosexuality is a sin. Despite being young, she knows she's not normal.

But, why did that hurt to know she couldn't like girls?

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><p>She whimpers as she clutches the railing. Looking down the stairs as she listens to her parents. She's nine years old, which isn't very old but she understands what is going on.<p>

Her mother is hurting. Her mother is bleeding out again.

_Smash_.

That will be the plate as it soars across the room and smashes inches from her mother's head. And the mother will cower against the wall.

Her body will shake and her lip will bleed from the cut from his first punch. She's yet to receive another but she will.

_Gasp_.

The girl hears the sound of her mother being dragged up by her hair, s_creaming _as he throws his second punch.

_Thump_.

She falls back to the floor and slumps against the wall; he's released his grip on her, for now.

Sobbing is heard, but not from one person, but two instead.

The small child at the top of the stairs who clutches her teddy and rocks herself back and forth while she listens to her parents' nightly activity; the one where the father beats the mother until she can't walk; the one where the mother wakes up the next day and says she walked into a few cupboards; the one that makes her mother grow distant and her father turn cold.

That's the nightly activity her parents participate in, that's all, that's it.

The other sob comes from the broken woman crumpled on the floor. Her body battered and bruised.

Lip bleeding.

Tears falling.

They are both broken, but one is physically so and the other emotionally.

It's the little girl, emotionally broken, maybe beyond disrepair yet nobody notices, nobody sees; she's the little blonde girl, from a perfect home. Nobody can see behind a closed door, and the door isn't about to open.

The shaking, sobbing little girl who's unable to take any more stands up on her shaking legs and slowly climbs the few stairs back to the top. On her own, in the darkness, she has nobody but a teddy for comfort.

There are no warm loving arms for a girl so broken, scared and alone. She's desperate for love and attention and she can no longer find a way to receive the attention she so desperately needs...

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>Thanks for reading. I hope you guess who the girls are.

Thanks to Queen Rahna the Snarky for her help in the early stages.

Find me on **Twitter**.** Banner on my profile** for this story.

Hope you'll leave me a review.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight nor it's characters.


	2. The Meeting of A Blonde and A Brunette

**Thanks to ****Queen Rahna the Snarky for her help in the early stages!**

**Dedicated to Villemo79.**

**.Chapter One. **

**.The Meeting of a Blonde and a Brunette.**

* * *

><p>The plane flying in from Phoenix touches down, bumping and bouncing along the tracks. A girl on the plane grips tightly to her armrests, holding on for dear life.<p>

She hates planes, detests landings, and absolutely despises anything that has to do with flying. Her eyes are closed in fear; her breath is coming in short, sharp gasps. The plane comes to a gradual stand still, and the girl's eyes open steadily, blinking.

They are the most beautiful brown eyes, heartbreakingly honest things that could break a boy's heart — not that she dates boys. They aren't her thing. She is more of a quiet and secluded girl, preferring to stay out of the limelight.

Although, this time is going to be a fresh start for her in Forks because she has finally decided to live the life she'd wished for in Phoenix. Her plan is simple: show her true personality and start dating girls.

Be the outgoing, pretty, beautiful, _gorgeous_ brunette who everybody likes; be the girl who dates other smart, sexy _girls._

There were just two problems with that. The girl is not outgoing and gorgeous and she has _never _been popular. She's just plain old Bella Swan. Or as some people continue to call her Isabella Swan.

Hands still holding onto the seat and clasping the armrests in a death grip, frigid and un-relaxed, she stays long after the seat belt light goes out. The people next to her become more agitated as they try to bypass her and get their belongings from the lockers above.

As the people along the girl's row finally make their way out, she relaxes marginally. Bella unbuckles her seat belt, drags her bag out from underneath, and dashes down the empty plane to the exit. In moments, she is standing outside on the top plane step, breathing in the fresh air. Her body sags in relief.

She quickly makes her way down the steps — carefully, but not quite carefully enough. When she gets to the last step, she places her foot on the ground and slips, flying into the air and landing with a harsh thud, smacking her lower half into the tarmac.

She groans. Coming down after her must have been the last passenger on the plane, a pretty blonde girl, amazingly gorgeous. Bella wonders why she was still on the plane. Surely no one besides herself waited that long to leave!

She also briefly wonders about how amazing it would be to date somebody who looked like that. Not that looks are everything, she corrects herself.

"Excuse me, I couldn't help notice you slip. Are you alright?" The young woman asks with such concern on her beautiful face that Bella has to turn an embarrassing shade of red.

The girl on the ground looks up and stares open-mouthed as she takes in the beauty of the girl before her. Bella's thoughts turn immediately to how she could never look like that and how every boy must be dying to get with the girl.

"Not really, I feel like a total idiot. I'm so clumsy. Did anybody else see?" Bella asks, starting to ramble, the blush intensifying across her face as she looks around.

The flush gives her skin a healthy pink tinge, making her look all the more beautiful, even if she doesn't notice her own beauty.

"No, just me. Don't worry about it. I'm Rosalie, by the way." The blond holds out her hand for Bella to take, pulling her up with a firm grip.

"Thanks. I'm Bella." The two women smile, acknowledging each other in a friendly way, rather than as competitive rivals.

"Visiting or moving? Either way, you're new. Unfortunately, I've lived here all my life, so I know everybody," Rosalie says as she and Bella make the long trek back to the terminal. The little bus left without them, but neither grumbles as they bask in the sun's rays.

Rosalie looks completely in her element with her three quarter white jeans, little vest and pumps, along with the Dolce and Gabbana bag on her shoulder.

Bella though, in her full length jeans, vest, sneakers and old back pack along with the hand hold bag she carries on her arm, is a little plainer, a little shabbier and a lot out of her element. They make an odd mix but look very comfortable in each other's presence.

"I'm moving here for a while. I'm fed up of my mum so I've decided to come see my dad. He's Chief of Police in Forks. And I'm going to Forks High School, starting next Monday," Bella says to Rosalie, rolling her eyes and smiling.

She hopes this girl won't take an instant dislike to her because of the little matter of her father. Neither of her parents really makes it easy for her, with her father being the overprotective, overbearing Chief of Police and her mother being the hair-brained, crazy woman, who spends half her time turning into a religious nut job!

Society just couldn't accept somebody with parents who weren't classed as 'normal'.

"Oh, wow! And I know your father — everybody does — he's really cool! I go to Forks High School, too. Do you drive? Because I can give you a lift to school on Monday, if you like," Rosalie says rather excitedly, breaking down all the barriers.

"No, I don't have a car, yet, so that would be great, thanks. I'm glad I know someone; I'd hate to be the freaky new girl," Bella sighs, nodding her head now, a feeling of relief washing through her.

Now she knows she won't have to venture into school on her own for the first day. She'll be accompanied by someone, someone that she might one day be able to call a friend.

"Great, give me your number and I'll text you over the weekend. I can even give you a tour of Forks sometime before Sunday, if you like? My parents are away for work; they're staying in New York. We all went over for half term but I came back early to be back for start of term. Maybe you could even stay over. I really need somebody to hang with since all my girlfriends are out of town for the weekend."

She rolls her eyes, smiling eagerly. She's desperately hoping Bella will agree, even knowing she's being extremely forward to a total stranger. Rosalie is dying for the comfort and companionship, though, and she can only go for so long without anyone to hang out with. After all, even when you take a trip away with your parents, it doesn't mean they have to spend time with you right?

Bella's heart skips a beat at the mention of girlfriends, and although it doesn't quite mean the same thing she would like it to, it still makes her heart jump. She smiles anyway.

She's never been called anybody's girlfriend, romantically or otherwise. She has always been the outcast at school, considering that nobody wanted to be the geek's friend, much less even speak to her. She wasn't sure she was bothered in being this new girl's girlfriend - Rosalie - if that was ever a possibility. She was happy enough to be friends, as she didn't really seem the type for Bella.

Her mother was known as the crazy religious woman, which put most prospective friends off her altogether. She wasn't really bothered about the boys, but _nobody _wanted to know her. Bella may not be perfect but she just does not understand how people could judge her on her mother.

"Are you sure? I mean that would be great, I've never really slept over at anybody's house before. My mum was a little strict." She smiles sheepishly.

"Really? Like, OMG! That means you totally have to come over. I'm sure your dad won't mind, he knows my parents pretty well. Just mention my name, Rosalie Hale. I mean, it's only Thursday so that gives you today and tomorrow to settle in. And I really appreciate this too; I hate spending the weekend on my own!" Rosalie says not divulging how many weekend she actually spends alone and how you can feel alone even surrounded by whole party of people.

"It also gives us an opportunity to get to know each other and take that drive around town. Although now that I think about it, I'm sure we'll be great friends."

She somehow manages a smirk beneath all of the squealing.

Bella finds it rather endearing.

Rosalie suddenly frowns for a moment. "I think I've heard your dad talking about you. He said your name was Isabella though. I guess you like it shortened?" She raises her eyebrows, questioning.

"Yeah, it is. I just prefer to be called Bella, but he won't accept it. Thanks, though, that all sounds great." Bella turns back towards the terminal, looking ahead.

She makes sure that one foot goes in front of the other as walking goes and looks out for something likely to send her sprawling once again. Her eyes score the ground, checking for pot holes and rocks and even banana peels, because the last thing she needs is to further humiliate herself in front of this goddess like girl.

Rosalie digs in her bag and hands her phone across, forcing Bella to remove her eyes from the floor to put her number into the phone. She hands it back, but right at that moment she misses a pot hole only inches in front of her.

And for the second time in a matter of minutes, Bella hits the ground.

"Sorry, I'm very accident prone," Bella says. She looks up, her chocolate brown eyes wide, as the beautiful blonde with the blue eyes with a violet tint laughs aloud. Rosalie clutches her sides in mirth.

Bella's frown—an unfortunate side-effect of falling—now turns into a broad smile again.

"Don't worry about it. We should hurry up though; otherwise they'll be shipping our cases of to Timbuktu," Rosalie giggles, holding out her perfectly manicured hand to Bella for the second time.

This time, Bella takes in everything about the hand, from the immaculate nails to the soft, cool feeling of the skin.

Everything Bella isn't.

"Thanks again," Bella says, dusting herself off and picking up her bag. It had been discarded to the side in the previous fall, but the poor thing was probably used to it by now.

The two girls pick up the pace, but one remains extremely tentative as they near to the terminal building to pick up their luggage.

"So, is you dad picking you up from the airport?" Rosalie asks Bella. It's small talk, yes, but Rosaline is genuinely curious about Bella. Where did she come from? Why did she come? What does she like to do?

Why move to Forks of all places? It is absolutely awful, and Bella's dad isn't a people person.

Bella is the girl who had lived in Phoenix all her life and was still known to some as the quiet girl with the brown-hair—or, to most, the crazy lady's daughter.

The name she didn't like.

Yet, if somebody who lived nearby or went to her high school was asked, they probably couldn't even remember her name.

"Yeah. He made me promise to wait here and not call for a taxi if he was late. So adamant, saying he wanted to make sure he picked his little girl up from Seattle and not let just anybody drive her home. Besides, taxis are downright expensive." She smiles, a genuine smile.

"Aw, that's sweet. My parents would have just paid for a taxi for me." Rosalie pauses and the girls lapse into silence. "Ugh! These heels are really not made for walking over tarmac. I wish I'd put my flat pumps on now," Rosalie says, grinning but stopping momentarily to rub her heel with her free hand.

"That's one reason why I don't wear heels. I prefer my Converse or sneakers," Bella grins, stopping as well so she can hold up one foot and wiggle it about, showing off her purple Converse.

"They rock. I feel like dancing, but there are too many reasons why I can't. One is that I'll end up flat on my backside again and another is, I don't want a bruise on my backside or a bigger one at that." Bella laughs this time, turning away from the grinning Rosalie and looking back to the floor as they continue to walk.

A bus passes, and it stops as it sees Bella and Rosalie, pulling up sharply to avoid them. Almost reluctantly, the doors open. Rosalie and Bella grin, clambering onto the practically empty bus, grateful they don't have to make the long, dangerous trek back to the terminal.

They both think how much smarter it would have been to just wait by the plane for the bus, but neither girl had really been thinking. They had acted on impulse, wrapped up in the joys of meeting somebody knew, especially because that somebody could be a possible friend. Not somebody to just call a friend, but somebody who's there on a deeper level, bringing true friendship.

Both girls collapse on opposite seats, Bella dropping her two heavy bags onto the floor, not bothering to care about where they go while Rosalie holds her bag in her hands.

She refrains from placing it down on the dirty floor, her eyes having already surveyed the floor and seen the chewing gum and dirty footprints. The disgusting bus floor is certainly not the place for a $740 white print Dolce and Gabbana bag.

Bella smirks, seeing Rosalie clutching her bag, because she knows this girl is unlike anybody she has ever befriended before. Never once having a friend bothered about their appearance or new bag, Bella knows Forks will be a very new experience for her. Although, she's not really had friends before, so the whole experience of having a friend is new.

The bus jolts up and down, not unlike the plane in its last stages of landing, racing back to the terminal where their bags are spinning around on a carousel. One overly large pristine pink bag and two very average black and purple suitcases await them, contrasting sharply against each other.

The three suitcases slide around, side by side, locked together in an unbreakable grip. Their grip never breaks, no matter how many times they jostle as they move around the baggage claim track. A true bond.

Bella waves goodbye to Rosalie as she head over to her car. Bella watches as she goes, her strikingly long golden tanned legs carrying her over to a red convertible at the far end of the parking lot.

Her car very much matches her personality, striking and bold, startlingly adventurous. The colour is warm and opening, signifying comfort, yet so deep red. The colour of blood.

The car can mean many things, but the ones that are most important are the ones matching the violet tinted blue eyed girl's personality. Striking and outgoing is the impression Bella got, and it's a good impression, a lasting one.

Bella's eyes leave Rosalie as she heaves her suitcase over to the police cruiser pulling up at the curb. Her father sits in the driver's seat. He still has the same curly brown hair, big moustache, and chocolate brown eyes.

Bella looks so much like him. He smiles tentatively as he gets out of the car,

"Hey, Bells," Charlie says as he steps onto the path, leaving the car door open and reaching for the purple suitcases. Bella raises her eyebrows as her father uses her shortened name. She refrains from mentioning this, though, because she's just too glad he's decided to drop the full name after all.

"Hey, Dad, long time no see," Bella replies.

She awkwardly stands still before deciding to hug her dad.

They embrace in a bumbling manner, but the signs of affection for one another are still present, and that's all that really matters to Bella. Charlie manages to break out of the hug to heave one purple suitcase into the boot of the car.

"It's great to see you, Bells. Did you have a good flight?" He asks, reaching for the second case and dragging it with difficulty to the boot of the car.

Bella smiles, knowing her father struggles with hand-eye coordination as much as she does. He manages to successfully lift it into the trunk alongside the first case and closing down the hood.

He turns back to Bella, and she smiles as she heads around to the passenger side. Just then, a sparkling red convertible passes by, the horn tooting with a tanned hand extended out of the window, waving to Bella.

She raises a hand in return, catching Rosalie's reflection in the mirror.

She smiles in anticipation for the future, knowing that the possibilities of her and Rosalie becoming friends are _extremely _strong. The car pulls out of the car park, leaving Bella behind, standing with Charlie staring at her.

"You meet someone?" Charlie grunts as she gets into the car, totally forgetting about the previous question he asked. He obviously didn't know about her fear for flying.

"Yes, Rosalie Hale. She goes to my high school. She asked if I wanted to stay over at her house this weekend and she said that she would show me around Forks. She told me her parents knew you. Is that okay?" Bella asks. It's the most she has spoken to her father in awhile.

"Ah, the Hale family. Great people. They've caused me absolutely no trouble, unlike some of the families around here. Of course I don't mind! It's good you're making friends. I'm working this weekend anyway — I couldn't get out of it — so I'm glad you've found something to do." He shrugs his shoulders, starting up the car, seemingly apologetic about him being at work for the weekend as well as relieved that she's got someone to show her around.

The radio switches on, and Bella is surprised to hear a fairly modern song. The radio station is very different to the ones in Phoenix so she just sits in silence, content to listen to the song.

After several moments of listening to the song, Charlie attempts to start a conversation again, "So, Bells, did you have a good flight?"

Bella grimaces. She had been hoping that he'd forgotten about that question. She had not particularly enjoyed the flight, and she didn't want to have to explain her fear of flying. Then again, she didn't fancy starting her new relationship with her father with a lie.

"It was alright. I was pretty out of it for most of it. I didn't particular like the experience, but I really prefer two feet on the ground, four wheels on the road style, anyway," Bella says. She smiles sheepishly, but Charlie just nods his head.

"You must get that from me, I don't really like flying either." He lets out a throaty chuckle, moustache moving up and down.

Bella relaxes.

She realises her and her father are very alike in personality. Shame she hadn't moved to Forks sooner; maybe her life could have been easier. After all, her mother's nagging really could drive one insane.

She loved her mother, though, and that will never change. Sometimes she just wishes she could be less overprotective and more open minded to the modern generation. And maybe stop trying to preach the Bible to her. Bella had thought it would be just a phase at first like all her other ones, but this one seemed to stick and from the age Bella had started high school, her mother had never been the same.

The car pulls up outside of Charlie's respectably detached house. It looks the same as she remembered when she used to visit. The forest nearby looks both daunting and forebodingly inviting.

It's probably not somewhere Bella is likely to visit, especially considering the tree stumps and roots that would be against her from the start.

She furrows her brow as she watches the world from the police cruiser. Charlie taps against the window, breaking Bella out of her daydreams.

She looks up, blinking to clear her mind. She realises that her dad is already out of the car. Bella opens her door. Charlie has already pulled her suitcases from the boot, so she picks up her two bags from the car floor and grabs a handle of one of the suitcases as she turns to face the house.

"I know it's not much — probably not what you're used to, but I try to keep it nice. You'll have your own room. Uh, it's purple. I hope you like purple," Charlie says, almost to himself. He is obviously at a loss of what to say and sounds embarrassed with his house.

"No, no. It's great, purple's fine, I like purple. I'm not really fussed about big flashy homes anyway." Bella gives a reassuring grin to Charlie. This seems to ease some of his worries and he picks up one of her suitcases and heads up the steps to the house.

It's a lot different, but it is going to be Bella's home for the foreseeable future; hopefully a happy future. She stands at the bottom of the drive for several moments longer, taking in the house that will soon become a home and the dark woods around.

A small smile creeps over face, realisation finally hitting her that she really has left her mum behind.

She can't get to Bella here.

She doesn't really know the extremes her mother may reach to get her back or what her breaking point will be, is the thing. It's just finding that breaking point is the trouble.

She takes a step towards the house, dragging her suitcase behind her, listening to it go _bump, bump, bump_ on the uneven path up to the house.

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><p><strong>AN: Well I hope this chapter gave you a hint to who those first few characters could be from the preface. All will be revealed eventually, the story just takes time to unravel so if you were left a little confused by the first chapter, please stick with me! Hope you liked the second chapter to the story, as we see a new friendship and an insight to where the story could go. **

**So thanks for reading and I hope you'll leave me a little love and review!**

**Nerdette out! x**


	3. The Home Life of Alice Brandon

**.Dedicated to Villemo79.**

**.Be prepared for a little disturbing angst stuff this chapter. **

**And I don't own anything to do with the Twilight series, I just use the characters for my _own_ stories. **

**.Chapter Two.**

**.The Home Life of Alice Brandon.**

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><p>"Where's my dinner Alice," the dirty man with the gristly uncombed beard and long greasy locks of hair calls out as he sits on the old brown couch.<p>

The one which hasn't been replaced since Alice's mother bought it, when they first moved in, over 18 years earlier. The year Alice was born to be precise when her mother had walked around proud and pregnant, stroking her tummy and murmuring words of love to her unborn child.

But now it's worn and ripped with well dipped seats. It doesn't look anything like the soft luxurious brown couch that Alice's mother had bought.

It had been shining, new and soft.

The one she'd been so proud of and saved for months to buy, now it was falling apart and was tearing at the seams. It resembled the house in itself, which was falling apart from the very beams that held it together, it may be clean but it wasn't a loved and tended house.

It was clean because it had to be, for appearances for fear of punishment. Although the signs of abuse were still there, un-removable stains, chips and dents from unmistakable body impact.

It was an empty house, a place of pain and loneliness.

Just abused and cold, very dark and dreary and a place Alice dreaded to be, not only because it no longer felt homely and warm but because it was where the beast could be found. He would feast and fester there, demanding anything and everything from her; even things she could not possible give.

She was to be his domestic slave and if she were not to comply, the thought was not one to be dwelling on.

She was Alice Mary Brandon.

The girl living a life of fear in her own home, unprotected from the monster she'd been told to call a father, but he didn't have the biological love within him, the implanted need to love. Loved by nobody and cared for by nobody. She had been left to fend for herself like this since the death of her mother, when she was merely a child. That didn't excuse his behaviour, nothing could do that but it was the way Alice learned to deal, that if he had been blood, he would care for her.

Her mother had cared. Her mother had cared _so_ much that it had physically hurt to loose her in such a way.

Her mother had cared for everybody, she had the air of love surrounding her and she took in every broken soul and tried to mend and fix them. She'd tried to fix the one Alice now called a monster, but in doing so, she had left her daughter to an unimaginable fate.

So the small girl with the wiry frame and spiky hair that had such a bounce to it, like her personality which had been pushed down to beyond sight over the years the only remaining glimmer of that personality was the sparkle in her eyes which he had yet to beat and bully out of her. The only thing she was clinging to by the skin of her nails.

She came rushing through carrying a plate of bacon, egg, sausage and beans. The exact meal he asked for about thirty minutes ago. Her hands shaking as she placed it in front of him.

He looks down at the plate, before looking at her, his eyes turning black with fury. He swipes his hand up, knocking the plate flying across the room and splattering Alice with food.

"What the fuck do you call this?" He yells at her face, spit coming out of his mouth and spraying the trembling pixie girl.

"Bacon, sausage, beans and egg. It's what you asked for," caution airing in her voice which is quiet and barely above a whisper.

"I didn't fucking ask for this, I asked for shepherds pie you insolent little girl!" He shouts, standing up, making himself tower over her. Alice, hesitantly takes a step back in fear but stops herself quickly, wanting to stand up strong to him. Not wanting to show fear, to let him see how he affects her. Shame washes through her that she stepped back in fear, how she'd honed her body to be immovable and now she'd broken.

"Did I tell you to fucking move?" He shouts into her face, his hand raising as she looks at him with pleading eyes. He'd seen her move, her body froze, waited for impact.

He did not disappoint, his hand comes down hard against her face.

_Slap. _

The blow to Alice's face sends her toppling over so she crashes into the small coffee table. His blow enough to send her small, fragile frame down; it wouldn't take a lot to send her underweight body over. As she crashes down into the table, her body lands awkwardly and in a rather painful position.

But she doesn't cry out, knowing from experience this will only make him angrier. She stays silent, not letting the tears that have been building up escape her; not wanting to show this monster her weakness.

"Now clean this mess up you stupid bitch then get out of my sight, you might of thought you saw that hit coming like the freak you are," he growls before sitting down and turning on the TV. He picks up his can of beer and chugs the rest of it down in three large gulps.

Scrunching the can up and proceeding to chuck it onto Alice, whose body still lies across the coffee table. Broken and bruised but not dead, he's always too careful to kill her, not wanting to lose his slave and punch bag.

The can lands on Alice's back, dribbling out a small trail of remaining beer onto her top. Degrading her even more in such a simple action, after already knocking her down and calling his daughter such names, that no child should hear from a parent whether blood or not.

No innocent and youth should have a life like this and she knows, how she knows and wishes she didn't but then she thinks of the other people around and how she'd hate to have somebody else in her place. If it's her, nobody else is hurt. But she knows that nobody is treated like her, there parents may not always be holding them close and telling them they love them, yet people know love without saying it.

As love has no bounds. That's what her mother had been like, her mother's love had no bounds and went out to everybody, but this man before her held no love, only a festering hate and anger.

Slowly she pulls herself up on her shaking arms which look far too frail and unstable to support her, yet they do. Showing the inner strength she possess.

She manages to push herself into a standing position, she doesn't look at the monster. Doesn't take a second glance to anything but the mess before her.

She merely begins to pick up the contents of his dinner; slicing her hand on the pot plate as she picks it up, leaving a deep gash in her hand. Still she doesn't return to the kitchen to clean herself up, she continues to pick up the monster's mess, picking up the broken pots and discarded cutlery.

Then she bends down, scraping the remains of the meal onto the broken remains, trying to pick up as much of the mess as possible.

Looking around she sees the many other stains, like this from other discarded meals, from her blood and from the many other incidents that have occurred in this room. Those incidents having become more and more frequent over the past few years.

Making sure she cleans it thoroughly enough that he won't complain and proceed with another punishment as he calls it. His excuse being he's only training her to become a good house wife.

A house wife she may never become if his beatings continue. Not that Alice cared about being a house wife, she didn't want to be a house wife.

She didn't want to marry a man. She wanted to be free and independent, allowing nobody to have a claim upon her, especially a man. He'd driven so far into her fear and hate of himself, that this had grown across the whole population of males over the years. Mistrust at every corner, meaning her whole life was now lead by fear.

The only people she ever now felt safe around were women, with their soft skin, gentle hearts and many who hold a compassionate nature. Like her mother. They made her feel comforted.

Finally after picking every possible last crumb up from the carpeted floor. Alice makes her way into the kitchen where she dumps the meal in the bin and places the broken plate on the side, ready to be wrapped in newspaper, so not to harm other people in future.

Her hands and clothes coated in her blood, the blood from the deep gash in her hand; when she'd carelessly picked up the plate not caring about herself just wanting to get away from the monster. Then the blood which poured from her split lip and nose, luckily she knew it wasn't broken so she could stop herself from having a trip to the hospital.

She slowly made her way to the kitchen sink, where she turned the tap and pushed her hand beneath the running water. The water pounding onto her cut stung in a delicious kind of way, as she watched the blood mix with the water; turning it red. She watched as it swirled around the sink and finally vanished down the plug hole.

She stood in silence for several minutes watching in fascination as the blood poured from her hand down the sink. Finally she switched the tap off and grabbed a cotton bandage to wrap around her palm. Then she grabbed a some cotton wool and gently staunched the flow of blood from her nose.

Before she opened the cupboard to reveal the large stock of newspaper, where she pulled out the top few sheets and laid it down on the side. Proceeding to wrap up the broken plate in the newspaper, careful this time to not cut herself, knowing she couldn't take any more pain.

She dropped the carefully wrapped plate into the bin and grabbed the garbage bag, which she carried silently. Her feet barely making a sound as she sneaked across the floor and out of the house.

She dropped the bag into the bin and let out a little sob, the first sound of feeling. She made her way around the back of the house, not wanting to face a possible collision with the monster when going through the front.

She stopped in the back yard and looked up at the sky, the moon high up and the stars in abundance, bright and twinkling. Allowing herself to get lost in the stars and appreciate the beauty of the night, like the many times she had as a child.

She smiled for the first time in a long time as she looked up at the stars and felt hope. She saw a face, just one smiling face.

A girl, with chocolate brown doe eyes glimmering with something old that Alice had long forgotten existed. Gorgeous curly brown locks that hung around her pale face which had a beautiful natural glow about it. And her mouth, those peachy lips curved in a beautiful feminine smile. The face hung in her mind for several moments. The face of a perfect stranger, but a face that symbolised_ hope. _

She'd come to hate those pictures in her mind, they'd plagued her like death but for once she didn't hate this vision. The girl there might just mean something and seeing the face meant something to Alice.

Something that she hadn't felt in a long time, the possibilities were endless and the eyes of the girl with the brown hair and chocolate brown eyes held love. The emotion which had been foreign until now. Nobody could deny they held love. But could that ever possibly be for somebody as broken as her?

Alice smiled one final time before turning to face the house, when it slipped easily from her face. The sight of the house brought the tears straight to her eyes but she wouldn't allow them to fall.

So she stalked around to the back of the house, opening the back door and slipping in as silent as a ghost; the only sound coming from the living room, being the blast of the television. Most likely some form of brutal sport the greasy haired, monster of a man sat watching, most likely taking notes on what would be the best form of punishment for his 'sick' little girl. Who needed to learn to be a good house wife as it was all she'd ever be good at with her 'crazy' mind.

Alice grabbed a energy bar from the cupboard, one of his 'special' bars - hoping he wouldn't notice and have the need to lash out for her 'over indulgence' – having felt her energy levels now dropped below a level of actual functioning.

Stuffing the energy bar into her jacket pocket, Alice scampered over to the stairs like a mouse, agile on her feet and stealthy quiet. Then she took the stairs two at a time, weaving her way up the stairs, moving away from the pressure points that would elicit a squeak. Ones she'd taken careful time to work out after the week of beatings for making noise.

Breathing heavily after rushing up the stairs as quickly and quietly as possible, she leant against the wall for a moment, allowing it to hold her up and lend her a helping hand, before she made her way of towards the far side of the house and the stairs to the attic.

The only safe haven she has in the house now. The place he'd never dare to invade for fear of the memories of her consuming him. It had always been her mothers' sanctuary and now it had become hers'.

Once hitting the attic, she finally allowed herself the moment to breathe, to act human and not be the little mouse that didn't dare squeak. On shaky legs, she stumbled over to the bed - which groaned in protest - and dropped onto it. And then she just inhaled and exhaled, allowing the sound of her breathing to consume her.

Some might question why even now she didn't cry or call her strong for not crying, but she no longer saw the point to the tears. To allow them to fall would be pointless and she couldn't allow pointless things to happen. They were a waste of the little energy and life she had left.

Even though they built up, she always stopped them from falling, never allowed even one to escape.

Her tears she believed should be saved for somebody worth crying for, that somebody like her mother. The mother who she cherished every living day with, every memory. The mother who she had inadvertently killed.

She felt horribly guilty and yet she was angry with her mother, for leaving her with a man who didn't care for her and never would, he blamed her and she knew he had every right as she had killed her mother.

That's when Alice allowed the tears to fall as she subconsciously curled into a ball, her already small, frail frame curling further in on itself as a form of protection from the outside. Trying to contain the hurt and pain and the sobs that racked and shook her body as she cried over the memory of her mother.

The mother she had loved so much.

Once she finally stopped her tears and sobs, the ones that came after only a build up of too much pain and abuse, after the times she'd had to go back and hurt herself more to get away from his memory as it was the only thing she knew. Pain. The way to torture herself, over and over again. Thinking of her lost mother, the one she'd killed.

She'd once known love, the love between her and her mother but he'd brutally striped that away, taken it from her and she had no hope of ever regaining that again. Her mother was gone and she was never coming back.

She sat up wiping the tears that had fallen down her face clear; the only indication of her tears having ever been there were the red rims of her eyes which burned. She pulled the few blankets and quilt she had to keep her warm in the hollow, windy attic and drew them up around her body, keeping in the heat in a frail attempt to stay warm.

Pulling out the energy bar from her jacket, she sat listening to the sounds of the night that made their way through the roof beams and into the house. She nibbled slowly on the bar, savouring every bite and relishing in the energy and high it brought to her. She wasn't afraid of the dark and the night sounds, they brought only comfort to Alice.

They made her feel alive for a few moments when they took over her body, when the moonlight – like this night – shone through the rickety window in the attic and span across the floorboards to her 'bed'. Finally finishing off the bar, she sat back further into the mattress for a few more moments of silence.

Then she reached out beneath her mattress to pull out her colouring pencils and drawing pad with her designs upon. She'd saved for months to buy the pencils and drawing pad, scrounging money where she could so she'd have something for her own enjoyment, just a little something. It wasn't too selfish to ask for something for herself surely?

The pencils were now looking ragged and wearing thin from over use and the drawing pad was brimming with designs and soon she would have to once again scrounge for money to buy a new one, so she could keep up with her drawings. Putting aside a little from her pay packet – the money which didn't go to food, clothes or anything else essential that _he_ never thought she'd need.

You see, she loved to draw and had from an early age, but specifically Alice had a love for fashion. Maybe it was because it was something she couldn't have or her envy of the other girls at school who always had nicer, designer clothes that pushed her into designing her own. Coming up with massive vivid designs of ballroom gowns, day dresses, summer dresses, evening gowns anything she could think of she ended up drawing. Whether it be a plain skirt or an extravagant new hat, Alice drew it, immersing herself in the wonder of a project coming together.

It was why her drawing pad was so brimming full, with even a few loose pages from her school books where she had sketched out a new idea in class or at lunch in the library on a scrap of paper.

Over 1000 random designs which Alice very much cherished.

If there was ever a possibility or glimmer of hope for her, she knew she'd love to become a fashion designer and go to college. Although being about to start her senior year at Forks High School meant she had just one year to turn her life around and that's not really something easily accomplished.

Alice shifted once again, moving the blankets up around her shoulders and away from her arms, freeing them for drawing and pulling the quilt up over her knees as she rested the sketch pad against her bent knees.

This time Alice didn't take out her colouring pencils to draw a design, she took a fresh piece of paper and began to sketch an image of a person, starting with the face. Starting the face with the pointed chin, the delicate skin bones, that created the rounded oval face. The high cheekbones and petite nose, which led to peachy plump limps.

Alice's pencil brushed across the page in fast sure movements, the image of the girl from her mind appearing on the page like she were a muse before her. Perfect recall of the image.

Her arm twisted so she could start to draw out her hair, capture the flow and ruffled look of the brown locks that had been allowed to run free and wild. Be thrown up in the air to swirl, tousled and a deep soft brown which makes you want to lock your hand into and twirl it around your hand.

Capturing the look of that softy silkiness which she'd assumed it would be, from her mind, it couldn't possibly be anything else. Drawing in the eyebrows and finally the eyes, those big doe eyes that could draw you in and find yourself lost in.

She didn't know why she drew this girl, she just knew she had to keep the image real, make sure she wasn't dreaming and she knew this girl, no matter who or where she was, could now be very much a symbol of hope for her. She may be becoming an obsession for her, but Alice didn't care, couldn't think of anything but this girl and what she meant. If it allowed her for a few moments to be happy and feel reprieve from her, was she really to be denied even a second of happiness?

Maybe she didn't deserve it after her mothers death, but she prayed for it, she wished for it.

Finally she took her colouring pencils, drawing the girl with a peachy pink blush to her cheeks which made her look alive and healthy. Took the brown to her hair and brought it to life, giving it the healthy sheen glow. The pink and red to her lips to make them plump and plush.

Then last of all she took the pencil to the eyes and brought them to life, putting in the sparkle, the chocolate brown soul they held.

Alice drew back after spending so long on her latest masterpiece, one which had absorbed and consumed her until it was finished. The one she'd taken great care to perfect, she held it up into the light of the moonlight to see the life in the picture.

This girl was coming, coming for Alice. That was all she knew but she would be there for her and for once in her life, since her mother had gone she felt safe.

Pinning the picture to her wall with the little blue tack she'd stolen from school to hang her work. Her wall above the make shift bed – the mattress with the creaking springs that stuck in her back that laid bare against the cold wooden floor boards in the attic, with only the few blankets and quilt and one sad looking pillow to resemble comfort – held many of her designs and drawings, the one's she liked best and admired.

Alice sunk down under the covers, pulling them tight around her, like a warm embrace. Allowing sleep to consume her without fear as she thought of the girl with the brown doe eyes and the peachy pink blush.

She would find this girl and hope. God had given her a gift and she was trusting him once again, but this time not just with her life, that was something simple to loose, she was trusting him with her heart, hope and possibly the very last of her love if that even existed any more...

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><p><strong>AN: So here's the second chapter to my new masterpiece and little baby, that I'm growing to love very much! I don't have a lot of readers yet, but I hope you'll enjoy my story enough to share with friends and fellow fanfic readers! **

**I promise not every chapter will be as dark as this, but it's not going to be a fluffy rollercoaster of love so if it isn't your cup of tea, feel free to leave now! **

**This will be the last chapter before I go on holiday, so I'll see you guys when I get back from holiday which is the 3rd August, so expect to hear from me any time after that, unless my family steal me away for a few days. But I won't be updating every day when I get back, it's just these chapters were pre-written. **

**I have ten reviews on the first two chapters alone, which is fantastic for me, to see that I'm gaining a positive response, I hope you'll continue to read!**

**Hope you'll leave me a review!**

**Nerdette Out! x**


	4. Settling In

**.Dedicated to Villemo79! You're my ff. BFF! LOL. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, so don't shoot me! **

**.Chapter Three. **

**.Settling In.**

* * *

><p>I stare around my room, purple; just like Charlie said. It's not huge, not like the one I had when I lived with mum and it doesn't have an en-suite bathroom but that doesn't matter to me. It's quaint, liveable and I can see Charlie's gone to an effort to actually change my room.<p>

He's added a desk, painted the walls, changed the bed sheets and he's even bought me a new laptop; well, declaring that huge hunk on the desk as new, might be a little far fetched but it's my own.

I smile as I drop my bags to the floor and I saunter over to the window, taking in the street from the second floor, quiet, clean. One of those places where everybody thinks they know everyone's business.

But I know, it's not the case, they see what they want to see. Not what's really there. They observe from the outside, just a spectator to the mayhem which could possibly be happening inside. Then when someone storms out the house, or runs off, or just leaves in a hurry, they scuttle out acting the concerned neighbour; when, really they're just looking for the latest bit of gossip to spread around the town.

It's something I hate about small towns, how people pretend to be friendly and caring, yet really they just want to know everything about your life without having to deal with your troubles.

They leave that to my dad, to sort out the aftermath of a domestic abuse, while they whittle on about never having thought a person capable of such violence when a pretty little house wife is carried out now battered and bruised in a body bag, or the lucky ones on a stretcher. The crash of a car when a victim dies, they pretend to comfort the living in hopes of gaining a titbit of information or something to raise them in others social standings.

I hate those people, the small minded ones. I once heard somebody say once, small towns means small minds. I've never agreed completely with the statement because it's a judgement but they're right to some extent. These towns are the hive of activity for the evil to rot and fester, to go unnoticed as people don't look below the surface.

In a big town, they'd know the signs of drugs, or domestic abuse, they'd be used to car accidents and have signs preventing it or systems in place but here it's just another unexpected circumstance to occur which becomes maybe a statistic and if you're not so lucky, the town's latest victim of gossip.

If anything about me coming here, it might just change that quiet, peaceful atmosphere when I drag along the new girl stigma, as well as the, 'I'm not interested in boys' card. It's sure to go down well and I'll probably be the talk of the town for weeks. But I don't care, I came here to be me, to change from being shy little Bella.

Whether I came here just for myself – to be me- or my dad or even some other reason which I don't know why yet. I think I came here for the better.

Dragging myself away from the window, I turn back to my few measly bags which now possess most of my most valued goods. Which, mainly consists of my books and a few clothes that I saw travel fit worthy and then just junk that I thought I might need.

Nothing like the riches and wonders that Rosalie had been clad in, with her designer shoes, bags and most likely designer clothes. Not something I come into contact with a lot, being the child of a single parent who later turned woman of God, I found it hard to really afford anything with a label attached and a six figure price tag.

I've only ever made one exception to that case, my Converse. And they don't have a six figure price tag. God's gift to earth if I had to follow my mother's example then, I'd thank him for everything I am provided with. But I don't, so I just thank the designer of Converse, who made flat, sturdy pumps that look great and don't get you called a freak, when wearing them.

Mooching over to my bags, I unlock my suitcase pull it open and drag out my favourite shorts and holey t-shirt for bed before grabbing my toiletries bag and heading for the bathroom. Readying myself for bed, feeling utterly exhausted after the large amount of social interaction and plane ride from hell – at least it was for me, even if some people commented about it being a 'good flight'. Nothing in my eyes could make riding a plane, 'good' or even 'fairly enjoyable'.

And my general daily amount of social interaction would have been, saying the Lords' prayer with my mum before tea, answering a teachers question or on a very rare occasion talking to somebody who wasn't off a seniority figure.

* * *

><p>I roll over in bed and reach for my phone, which is beeping on the bedside. My eyes blurry with sleep, I manage to take in the time. 9:01am. And then person who's sent the message. Rosalie Hale.<p>

Recognising the name and number, makes me a little chipper, so with a groan I rise up on my elbows in bed. Pushing the purple duvet down so I can sit up to read my text, after wiping the sleep from my eyes and pushing back the birds nest which is now my hair out of my face.

Makes me wonder what Rosalie will look like when she wakes up, as perfectly manicured as the day? Probably. She seems like one of those people to be perfect at all times of day.

I open the text, to see it was sent mere minutes ago and read:

**Hey Bella! It's Rose. Wonderin' if u wanna come over tnight and stay till Sun, so I can show u the town? Let me know and I'll pick u up at 6 tnight? R x**

I smile, exactly what I need. So I quickly text her back.

**Hey Rose. Sure thing! Sounds good, dad's at work, so I'd be on my own anyway. I'll let him know, and see you at 6! B x**

The reply is instantaneous like she's been sat watching her phone, wishing for a reply.

**Great! :D Take out for tea good? R x**

Her enthusiasm, makes me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside. I've never really had a proper friend.

**Take out is good but I can cook if you like? B x**

Again, the reply takes merely seconds.

**No need to cook, ur my guest! See you tonight B! R x**

I quickly shoot a final text back, before slinging my phone on my bed and rising up to go to the bathroom. I'd heard Charlie leave this morning, after he'd popped his head in the door to whisper his goodbyes, waking me from my peaceful slumber, but I hadn't minded. It was nice to be cared about and thought of more, with mum, God is first, last and middle priority, I never will rank anywhere.

Even before she found God, I was last priority, God just managed to boot me off my standing altogether.

* * *

><p>I scribbled a quick note to Charlie telling him I'm going to Rose's for a couple of days and I'd left him two portions of lasagne in the fridge, as I'd found out just the night before what a terrible cook he was when he made beans on toast. He burnt the toast and attempted to cook the beans in the can to start with until, I took over to save the house from burning down.<p>

He then admitted, he usually got take out or had his dinner out at the local diner. So I'd promised to take over meal times from then on, and we'd limit take outs or meals out to once a week if we wished for one.

So I'd made a big portion of lasagne for my lunch today, so he'd have edible food for the next couple.

Then I shuffle quickly from the kitchen, only pausing once to scoop my backpack up with all my needs for the next two days and I head out the door to see Rose sat waiting in her red convertible. Hood down, sunglasses on and her hair flying in the wind. I smile.

She looks like a super model, never mind somebody from the small town of Forks. I wonder how somebody can get so gorgeous?

"Hey Bella!" she calls from the car where she's sat down in the drivers seat, oh so casually and yet, incredibly elegantly at the same time.

How many times does a girl wish to pull of a look like that? Just once and here before me, this goddess, Rosalie Hale does it ever day of the week.

"Hey Rosalie," I raise a smile in return.

"Call me Rose. Rosalie sounds old," she pulls a grimace but there is a friendly light, or maybe a sparkle is a better term to her eyes that makes me feel comfortable around her.

"You couldn't be old if you tried." I snip back and she grins, flicking her hair over her shoulder before leaning over and opening the car door for me. Such a simple gesture, that most people would think, somebody like Rose, wouldn't do for somebody like me. It's as though she's trying to win over my affections, my friendship. Not that she'd need to do that.

She's had it from the first moment she helped me up, from the first moment I laid my eyes on this girl, I felt something different, something new. That thing was friendship, a sense of knowledge between us almost that connected us without our knowledge.

"Hurry up and get your ass in the car, we haven't got all day," Rose groans from the car, breaking me from my reverie.

I sling my rucksack in the back, she doesn't even bat an eyelid at the splitting seams or partly busted zip when it lands next to her pristine Prada bag which probably cost more than most of my worldly goods put together.

So out of place next to each other, but like I've said before, they fit like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. The yin to balance out the yang.

So then I drop down into the car beside her, pulling the car door gently shut, and feeling the soft leather of the seats encase me in a moment of pure comfort and luxury that Charlie's cruiser really doesn't offer.

"Where to?" I ask with exuberance after several moments of just allowing myself to relax in the calming atmosphere of the car.

"Quick tour of the town, a stop for pizza, then back to mine. How's it sound?"

"Great!"

"Buckle up and sit back, I hate driving slow."

Her grin is entirely wicked and I gulp as I strap myself in. She slides the locks home, starts the engine which causes a blast of music to hit me with a such a force that I squeak in surprise, she makes her apologise; even then she makes no effort to reduce the volume. Then, she hits the gas, and I feel my body slam back against the seat as we do zero to something ridiculous, in a few short seconds.

I just hope my father isn't around to see. I don't fancy getting caught by my father in a speeding car.

And luck must follow Rose around, as we make our high flying trip around town, never slowing even as she points out the high school, the church – I shuddered at that one – the local camping store, the police station, gas station and a few other small shops the town of Forks actually holds before making our way to the take out store. And we made it in one piece, with no tickets.

I felt relieved, happy, glad, worried, sick, confused and lucky all in one moment. Then I just felt hungry when I smell the take out.

* * *

><p>Laid out across Rose's king sized bed, eating pizza while talking about things normal teenage girls talk about – I guess. Is the strangest and greatest experience I've ever had.<p>

Not just because I'm getting to be a normal teenage girl for once, or having somebody to actually call a friend but because Rose's bed is amazingly comfortable.

The sheets which cover the bed, are soft, plush and brush across my skin like a velvet caress, the mattress moulds to my body; dipping in all the right places and rising in others. It's just the perfect dream bed.

Rose had laughed at my reaction at first and then an odd expression, which, I couldn't really place, crossed her face and then vanished like it was never there.

I couldn't fathom it, couldn't understand it and didn't try to, I just accepted it and moved on.

So as I stuffed a slice of pizza into my mouth, Rose moved on with her next tirade of questions which she'd be throwing at me through most of the evening. In an effort to 'get to know me'.

"So who do you prefer, Channing Tatum or Zac Efron?" I screw up my face at the choice of actors.

Even if I wasn't lesbian, I'm not entirely sure either would appeal, and if I had to go for one it would be Channing. Zac Efron is entirely too full of himself and just down right ugly with his vanity.

"Neither." I protest.

"You have to pick one."

I huff. "Channing." I mutter and she does a little nod, as if in approval.

"You?"

"Definitely Channing."

She grins wickedly.

"Katy Perry or Avril Lavigne?"

This time I have to stop my mouth from falling open and letting crushed up pizza rolling out. That, I'm positive, would be incredibly disgusting.

"Oh, don't look like a fish out of water, every girl has a girl crush."

I gulp at her care free manner. Does it matter to say, I had a huge crush on Katy Perry until she married Russel Brand and I have more than one girl crush. I'm just so utterly stunned.

"Katy Perry." I manage to squeak out.

"Really?" she asks, sounding truthfully surprised this time.

"Yeah, I think she's great. I mean not only does she look stunning but she's not afraid to be out there and wild and a little eccentric. Not just her clothes whether it's a skin tight catsuit or short skirt but her personality, she's got so much fire and energy, it's exhilarating. Normal or punk ass doesn't always have to go together or be good. I think different is always better."

"You sound like you've thought about it a lot?"

"What?"

"Being together with somebody. Your type of person. You don't want quiet and normal, you want somebody different and unique. Somebody who can fulfil you, I think that's great. They're just aren't many guys out there like that."

"Oh." Is my spectacularly worded response. I'd thought she'd cottoned onto me being gay. Not that I don't want her to know, I just want to get to know her better first. After all, I only want to be a friend. Not that it mattered to me about her saying there weren't many guys like that, I didn't want nor need a guy.

A reason I didn't want them, they just don't come, how I need them.

"How many boyfriends have you had Bella?"

Rose asks after a while of just laying in silence, munching down our pizza until it's all gone and just an empty cardboard box with the round circle grease stain is left in the bottom of the box.

I drop my head and stare intently at the bedding.

"None."

"Me either."

I frown and look up. "But you're..."

I trail of when she frowns at me.

"What?" Her voice harsh and cold.

"Beautiful." I mutter.

"Sorry?" She looks stunned.

"You're beautiful. Not just your exterior but inside, you shine from the inside out."

"You really think so?"

"Why wouldn't I? You've taken the ugly duckling in, who's lost it's way and in need of guidance when she has nobody else."

"Bella!" she admonishes me.

"What?"

"You're far from an ugly duckling."

"I feel like it."

"Trust me, beauty isn't everything but you're beautiful in your own special way."

I give her a little smile and she pats my hand in a friendly gesture.

I feel a shift then in our friendship, a better understanding, a deeper resolve in our friendship. This one like a steal bond between us, still unsteady and not yet solid but forming with an unwavering strength.

Although no friendship comes without its test and trials.

* * *

><p>"Rose?"<p>

"Yeah Bella?" she calls from the bathroom as she enters in her sleep shorts and vest, still looking like some kind of famous actress or super model.

"Are we sharing the bed?" I ask sceptically.

"We don't have to, I just thought it would be nice and it's huge so there is tonnes of space," she says, as she folds back the duvet.

"Alright, I don't mind."

She smiles again and we clamber in at opposite ends of the bed, drawing up the quilt and smiling at one and other.

"Rose?"

I say her name again, like a question.

"Yes Bella?"

"I really don't like Channing Tatum and Zac Efron. I mean I really don't like them."

It had to be now, as I sleep in the same bed, share the same space, understand Rose a little more. See how people only look at her outside; see her as a walking piece of meat to land in bed. I know now she doesn't want that, she wants somebody to care for her, the Rose on the inside. The one she's let me see. I had to make her understand who I am, what I am.

To know I trust her and that I don't want her like some people might believe. The only thing I crave from Rose, is a friendship. I want to throw myself out there and let her know something deeper about me. I crave it like a drug, need it more than anything.

"I know Bella. I know." Is all she says with a smile before she snuggles down into bed, taking my hand in hers and squeezing before she floats of to sleep. Her hand still in mine, still holding it tightly.

Only then do I allow a single tear to fall down my cheek. Does she really know? Does she really accept me?

Something I could only have ever craved has been handed to me by a girl I barely know. Acceptance.

And now I feel like I'm truly settling in.

* * *

><p><strong>SMURFING HELL!<strong>

**OOOHH. Does she really know? **

**I know that's what you're all thinking. **

**Now, just sit tight and I promise an update will be coming along shortly! **

**Nerdette! x**


	5. Starting School

**.Chapter Four.**

**.Dedicated to Villemo79!.**

**.Starting School.**

**(*)**

Alice trudged in through the school gates; she couldn't yet afford to get herself a car and _he_, certainly wasn't going to fork out for one.

"Where's your ride Midget?" One of the popular kids crows. "Oh wait, I forgot, you can't afford one." Which sets of another round of snickers.

But, she keeps her head held up high, marching forward like it doesn't matter. And it doesn't, it's nothing worse than what she already gets. Nothing less than what she deserves.

"What's that you're wearing Alice In Freakland, a garbage bag?" Another sneers. Another name calling. Another plastic. Another nameless person to her. All making her pay her dues for what she did.

The schools 'popular' kids have taken to calling her 'Alice in Freakland', because of her not always being there – daydreaming - and as she was an outcast, that means it's okay for them to call her a freak. It also was their private joke in reference to her being 'crazy' after Alice in Wonderland came out again. Stupid.

She'd gone beyond the point of caring anymore, why would she want to be friends with them any way?

As she made her way into school and over to her locker, she heard whispers about a new girl. People were saying she's called Isabella Swan, a senior. Daughter of Charlie Swan.

Alice was surprised that her being the Chief's daughter hadn't lead to a whole new scheme of teasing for the girl but, from the whispers it sounds like people were excited to meet her. Like she was some new member of the school's biggest click.

The 'Rosalie Hale' click. Pain shot through Alice at the name. She used to be part of that elite click; they were joined at the hip until her mother died. Her and Rosie. Like sisters.

Then they split apart and Rosalie rose up in the social standings while Alice dropped to the bottom. Rose had never said or called Alice a name but, she never tried to defend her and that hurt more on it's own that her calling her a name publicly ever could. She ignored her, like she never even existed.

If this new girl was part of that click, she had no hope of finding a new friend in her. She would most likely be just as narrow minded, just as pretty and vain and just as mean as the rest of them.

Alice quickly changed all her books around in her bag, slipping in the little sketchbook she kept at school in case of dire emergency, in other words boring, insufferable lessons and for lunch hour when she escapes to the library. As she hates to return to her locker, not our of fear, just tiredness of not wanting to be able to deal with the hassle anymore.

She can't even say it hurts anymore when they shout at her, pick on her, stick something on her back. She's gone so far beyond the limits of pain a human can posses that, she's not even feeling, just emptiness walking through life.

Shutting her locker, Alice swirls around and is stopped dead in her tracks by the sight before her.

Her heart quickens.

Her throat clenches up.

Tears rise in her eyes.

This is the pain she feels, betrayal when she doesn't even know her.

She allowed that girl - the girl from her picture – to be a shining beckon of hope for her and now, it's crushed beyond repair.

Her girl, her hope, arm in arm with Rosalie Hale.

Even more beautiful than the picture had shown. The picture of perfection.

That can only mean one thing. This girl is Isabella Swan, the latest click to Rosalie Hale's fad group.

And once again, that girl has risen to hurt her, that's where pain comes in, from caring for people. If you don't care and don't allow people in, you can't feel pain. But, once again Alice is paying for her mistake of letting people in. As Rose has hurt her much deeper this time, a small amount of hope she'd allowed to build had been crushed.

Without meaning to, Rose had hurt her again. Taking away that girl before she'd even been Alice's. Why?

She sighed, she knew why. She deserved to be hurt, to not be loved. She was the demon child.

Alice stood frozen to the spot for a moment, when suddenly the girl looked up. Isabella Swan met her eyes and then she did something extraordinary, she smiled and blushed at her.

Alice whipped her head around to see if she could see anybody else. No.

When she looked back, the girl was blushing even deeper. What could she be thinking about?

Alice spun around again, desperate to see if the girl was really looking at her.

Strange, nobody around, maybe it was her. When she turned back, she was being dragged away by Rosalie; turning once again to shoot Alice a fleeting, rather sorrowful smile.

Maybe, just maybe, she'd be different.

Alice felt a little sad at the girl disappearing, like her very presence had just uplifted Alice. What a strange thought.

Nobody could do that right?

Unless...No. Stupid thoughts.

But, Isabella Swan, could be the girl, that might just bring change after all.

**(*)**

Bella slide from Rose's car, feeling the eyes of hundreds of high school students upon her. She turned to Rose who breezed around; the air of glamour and elegance wrapped around her like a cloak.

"Every one is looking Rose." Bella murmured, trying not to attract any more attention, which was making her extremely uncomfortable.

"Don't worry. They just want to know how you got in with me, because, I'm so 'elite'." Rose laughed and linked her arm through Bella's. Showing her support and dragged her off towards school.

"Right." Bella drawled out, wishing she'd made friends with somebody less conspicuous.

Everything about Rose demanded attention. How could it not, for somebody so beautiful?

Once inside, Bella felt herself calm a little, growing more accustomed to the looks. She'd have to learn to deal with this kind of attention, after all, it's a small town. A really small town.

What else did she expect? She knew it would be difficult.

But, with Rose by her side, it was easier. Definitely easier even with her gaining attention. And with Rose being the epitome of a high school social queen, it made her, Rose's little 'social pet'. She fit into school easily because of that; high social standing means acceptance.

Yet, they both know, deep down, it isn't some new fad that will expire after Bella's 'new girl' status expires. Or at least she hopes not. But, a proper friendship, that's been formed.

A deeper understanding between the two.

As they reach the main hall of the school, a blonde guy with a round baby face and dirty blue eyes comes strolling over, full of swagger and an arrogant confidence. Obviously looking for one thing, and one thing only.

It's written across his face like a tattoo. The arrogance of thinking he's God's gift and girl's will just drop their knickers for him.

Not her and not just because she didn't like boys. Even if she did, she wouldn't give him a minute of her time. He might look 'good' but, you could see the 'inner' him and he was ugly. It repulsed Bella more than some old tramp could.

She found she had to stop herself stepping back and Rose squeezed her arm in reassurance, looking ready to kill.

"Mike, what do you want? Me and Bella are busy." Rose spoke, sounding utterly bored and dismissive in her words, without him even having to speak.

His smiley round face faltered and his blue eyes dropped.

"I just wanted to introduce myself to the beautiful new girl." Mike, spoke to Bella now. His eyes roaming over her body, making her feel entirely uncomfortable.

"Right Mike. Bella, Mike. Mike, Bella. You can go now. We have more important people to see." Rose said giving him a disdainful sneer.

Then he was gone, like he'd never been there and Bella found herself smiling internally.

"You have the art of telling people to fuck of while being socially appropriate down to a 't' Rose," she laughs and Rose smirks before descending into laughter herself.

Bella stops her laughter, feeling somebodies eyes upon her and, she looks up. Searching for the culprit as she feels them burn into her skin, totally different from anybody else. These ones a searing intensity that make her all warm inside, all hot and bothered.

She searches desperately around and then she sees her. A small pixie girl, dressed in a pair of dark black jeans, cute little grey boots and a chequered red and black top.

Her lips were small and plump and in a good proportion to her elfin frame.

She looked incredibly adorable. Her hair was spiky and framed her petite little face perfectly. She had a little lip piercing, that Bella might add, looked really hot.

This girl seemed to have a lot of spunk. But, she was stood all on her own. Why was she on her own?

Bella noticed then that she was staring back at her, with brilliant blue eyes that had a ferocious intensity. Bella blushed but continued to stare back, giving her what she hoped, to be, a friendly smile.

She watched the girls' lips quirk. She would probably come up to just above her shoulder.

She looked so delicate and petite but, she had these curves that told you she was all woman. It made Bella want to just run up and push her back against the locker she was stood at and press her lips against hers while letting her hands run over that delicious looking body. All soft and giving beneath her hands.

Bella blushed deeper, wondering where this thoughts had surfaced from. Pushing a girl up against a locker and ravaging her with her lips. That wasn't her at all.

She felt Rose pulling on my arm, dragging her in the opposite direction. The girl – who's name she didn't know – looked almost sad. Like a lost puppy.

It made her want to take her in her arms and hold her tight, never letting go. Protecting her from the world.

But she couldn't. She doesn't even know her name, never mind her as a person. That would be, odd. So she did the only thing she could and grinned as apologetically as she could, before turning back to Rose who had a blank expression on her face.

Not giving anything away.

Was she mad at her?

What had she done?

Bella felt her stomach roll a little as Rose lead her into the office. Despite her uneasy feeling, she found myself feeling calm as she thought of the pixie girl. She'd find out her name, she's sure Rose would know her. She seemed pretty and quirky, maybe not somebody she hung around with but, in a small town like this. She's sure Rose knew everybody.

She'd ask Rose for definite.

Find out who the pixie girl with spunk is.

**(*)**

Rose felt grouchy after having to deal with the slimy Mike Newton, despite Bella uplifting her spirits with the little comment on her expertise at getting rid of him.

She'd had to do it enough in her life before, deflect those that preyed on 'pretty' girls, herself being the target more than once. Although, generally, we aren't called pretty or beautiful, nothing nice and classy, just 'hot' and 'babe', how vulgar.

A girl wants to be called those things, told how beautiful she is and how much she's loved. She might like 'hot' and 'babe' now and again but, when trying to 'pull' her, it's really not what she wants to hear.

Neither is cute but, that's one thing she's never been called. Cute.

What teenage girl would actually want to hear their cute? For matter of fact, what teenager would?

It's a term used for babies and little adorable puppies but teenagers? Really?

She didn't think so.

She grouched internally again, wondering how she got onto cute and puppies from Mike -fucking- Newton who is certainly neither of those things; just a parasite.

Then she noticed Bella, staring at something or someone. Rose followed her train of eye and found it upon Alice Brandon.

Rose felt something rise up in her, she couldn't loose Bella to Alice Brandon. She didn't care if she wanted to date a girl, she'd give her anybody, support her with anybody but not Alice Brandon.

Rose felt desperate as she watched the two exchange glances, Bella blushing profusely under the stares.

Oh God.

So she did the first thing that came to her mind and dragged Bella of to the office in desperation to get her away from Alice Brandon.

She couldn't allow them to be friends. Alice hated her and she would turn Bella against her. Bella was her friend and she couldn't loose that, not now.

So she dragged her away, watched in silence as Bella craned her head around to smile again at Alice and this made her drag her quicker.

Rose was careful to act impassive when Bella's stare landed upon her and she directed her into the office. Opening and holding the door for her while Bella made her way in after her.

Bella was hers, nobody else's and certainly not Alice Brandon's. She wouldn't and couldn't share.

Bella was her hope. If she didn't have Bella, who would be her friend?

**(*)**

**SMURFING GOODNESS! We got a look into what Rose was actually thinking. **

**Apparently I've been neglecting this baby. Kisses it better. Inspiration has finally struck for me! **

**Shout out to a random person day, thanks Aidis for all your suggestions. Oh yeah, the title changed, just if you wondered because, I'm a moron. LOL.**

**Next chapter, lesson time and Bella asks Rose about spunky Alice. Oh no.**

**Follow me on Twitter. NerdetteLove. Link on my profile. **

**I'm putting a banner up as well for this story, shortly. So go check the link out on my profile!**

**Thanks for reading, feel free to drop me a line.**

**Sorry for not updating sooner, I hit a block as how to deliver the chapter, next one will be up within a week or so and I promise, longer!**

**Nerdette! x**


	6. The New Girl

**Chapter Five: **The New Girl

**.Dedicated to Villemo79.**

Alice was pleased to find out, her first four lesson were English, her favourite subject. Although, the whole elation of English was brought down for her by finding out her afternoon would be ruled by maths. How she hated that subject with a passion, the struggle to understand, and then no matter how hard she worked, she always seemed to fail.

She liked English though, because she could understand it. There isn't a wrong or right answer, it's personal choice. She was lucky this year to have the best teacher in the department, maybe even in the school, Mrs Lambert. She's a little on the old side, but she really engages one in the subject. Tapping her pen against the edge of the desk, Alice listens to Mrs Lambert lecture the jocks on not having read the latest chapter of Wuthering Heights.

Leaning her head back against the wall, her eyes flutter shut for a moment, while she allows herself to be lost in the warmth and comfort of the familiar surroundings. She sits at the back, because it allows her the feeling of safety and security, of having her own personal space, where nobody endeavours to threaten her, bother her, or even talk to her because she's invisible. That's just how she likes it!

Just when Mrs Lambert is about to get into the lesson, there is a timid knock on the door, before it creaks open. A sigh of frustration slips from her lips. W_hen will the lesson ever start_!

She cracks open an eye not having bothered to open them yet, and wonders which teacher, or student, has come to interrupt the lesson before it has even begun. Her eyes go wide, while her jaw slackens, when she sees _her. _The new girl.

_Oh no!_

Taking a quick scan of the room, Alice prays, hopes that this new girl can't be in her class, because the only spare seat in the room, is unfortunately next to her. Her safe haven would be long gone once Rosalie's second hand bitch came to sit next to her. The inevitable would happen, she would be teased mercilessly because this girl was friends with Rosalie, and Rosie had changed, with a passion and a vengeance for Alice.

She could no longer be invisible, and now her hopes had come to haunt her. _Why did she ever have to hope? _

Mrs Lambert chose this moment to speak, and inside, Alice was very thankful as it gave her time to prepare. To erect those barriers that she had allowed to drop here, the only place she had ever really allowed them to drop, other than in the serenity and quiet of the library.

"I'm guessing you're the new student?"

"Yes-s. Isabella Swan, but I prefer Bella."

"Okay, Bella. We're reading Wuthering Heights at the moment, have you read it before?"

Alice watches Bella closely, confused by her shy demure, and the stutters as well as the blush that was now covering her face and neck.

"Yes. I've read it before."

Mrs Lambert was beaming.

"Fantastic. That's more I can say for these young gentlemen at the front." Mrs Lambert scowls at the jocks who were all eyeing Bella appreciatively. Alice curled her lips up in disgust, the boys in this school were only interested in one thing, and that was whose knickers they could get down first. She slumped down in her seat, and hoped to hide as Mrs Lambert scanned the classroom.

"I'm afraid we only have one spare seat, Bella. It's at the back of the class next to Miss Brandon." She gestures to where Alice is sat, and everyone in the class turns to look at Alice.

Some of the guys look envious of Alice, while the girls all look at Bella with pity, and then choose to glare at Alice. _The joy of high school._

Bella turns to the Miss Brandon at the back of the class, and her breathing stops, just for a moment. The beautiful, punk-rock chick, has a name. Miss Brandon.

Bella bites her lip, wondering what her first name might be, the name that she could whisper to her in the night when they snuggle up together. _Whoa! _Bella freezes. She'd had them snuggling up together before she even knew her first name, this girl really had invaded her mind.

Breaking from her thoughts of all things sensual, and insane, Bella takes in Miss Brandon. Here she looks rather demure and timid, like she's trying to hide away from the world, since she tucks herself up against the wall. Bella frowns, but heads over to take her seat beside her.

_How bad can it be?_

Alice keeps her eyes trained on Bella, as she shuffles along to the back of the class, another step closer to her. She awaits the arrival of her new 'partner' with baited breath, and a mixture of fear, dislike, and deep-hidden, slightly wishful-thinking, hope.

The girl, Bella, with her long brown curly locks, and big brown doe eyes, drops her bag beside the desk, and slides into the chair, with a little fumble, but otherwise gracefully. Definitely one of Rosalie's little clique; who else could be so graceful?

"I'm Bella." She turns to Alice, smiling.

_Really? She was doing the whole, say hi, act nice act. She couldn't believe this. _

Alice didn't even acknowledge the greeting, she flipped open her notebook and flicked the lid of her pen, before sliding it onto the end, and feeling satisfied when she heard the click, she began to twirl it in her fingers.

Bella felt frustrated, this girl just ignored her. Why? It wasn't like she'd done anything wrong. She knew being the new girl didn't mean she'd gain straight acceptance from the kids at school, — teenagers can be pretty, fickle — but this kind of animosity towards her, made her feel extremely uncomfortable.

Not about to give up with the first person she came into contact with, after parting ways from Rosalie, Bella persisted.

"So, what's your name?"

Bella felt her frustration rising as the girl beside her, Miss Brandon, just continued to swirl her pen around several times, then tap it against the desk in a rhythm, while continually staring at the board.

Bella watched her for any sign of movement, even the flickering of her eyes in her directions, but she got nothing. Nada!

She huffed and sat back in her seat. Two could play at that game, and she was very good, by the end of the lesson she would know the girl's name, and she would have made some form of conversation, to even make an acquaintance at the very least.

When Bella, the girl beside her, finally sat back in her seat with a huff, Alice allowed herself a satisfied flicker of her eyes to gauge the girl's expression. She looked far from happy, and despite Alice saying she wouldn't allow herself to care, she felt a little mean for ignoring her. She wasn't like Rosalie, she couldn't portray the whole ice queen façade and pretend people didn't exist, especially her, Rosie, after everything they'd been through. It hurt to see she'd put a sour expression on the girl's face, but she was a virtual stranger. Why should she care, just because of some stupid drawing, really?

The stupid drawing that had given her hope. She should have taken it as a warning, it couldn't be anything else when this girl hung out with Rosalie Hale. You didn't just drop into that clique by accident, because Rosalie certainly didn't accept anybody without a reason, or without good cause. It was obvious why this girl had been chosen, the good looks, the gorgeous hair, the big eyes, and her skin looked uber soft. Yes, Alice could certainly see why a girl like that could get in with Rosalie's 'cool' little gang.

She wondered how long she'd last. Was it the new girl title? Some ulterior motive? She couldn't pinpoint a reason, but it didn't look likely to last, Rosalie got bored easily, and tossed away friends like disposable tissues.

Alice brought her eyes back to the front, and tried to block out the girl beside her. If she thought any more about her, she was sure to give herself a headache.

She watched Mrs Lambert stroll back and forth across the front of the class, dictating about the story, bringing up points, and challenging the class.

"Can anybody tell me any themes that feature in Wuthering Heights?"

Alice nearly sighed, and rolled her eyes at the question. It was such a simple matter, and yet, the class couldn't seem to grasp it. It wouldn't surprise, her if half of them hadn't actually read the book.

Alice cocked a surprised eyebrow, when Bella raised her hand, rather shyly.

"Bella!" Mrs Lambert was practically leaping for joy, when somebody finally decided to answer her question.

"A major part of the story centres around selfishness, of both Kathy and Heathcliff, and how betrayal and obsession leads to their demises. There are lots of ideas of what's right and wrong, and chaos and order features strongly. When both Kathy and Heathcliff disappear with people they don't really want, it shows a rather twisted way of love, and the whole story really represents a psychological study of love."

Alice just stared, this girl was an intellect, and pretty. _Gosh!_ What was she doing with Rosalie Hale?

"Fantastic, Bella. Indeed, both Kathy and Heathcliff have a lot of self-interest within the book, and this is a driving force behind their actions, but beneath it all, there is love and this is how one can bring the psychological analysis into our study of Wuthering Heights. When looking at their love ..."

Alice tuned out at that point, her body now turned to face Bella who was staring at the board. Her cheeks were pink with a flush, and her hair had fallen across her face to shield her from prying eyes, or more like her eyes.

Alice couldn't quite bring herself to speak, she would stick to her decision firmly, and not start to wander of into the realm of false hope once again.

Bella felt warm, sick and almost dizzy. She had spoken in front of the class, one of her worst fears back in Phoenix, to gain the attention of this girl beside her. She'd done it with the stupid hope, that Miss Brandon would finally decide to talk to her, if she realised Bella understood what they were studying, and they could talk about the novel. Not even that, it seemed, could entice her from her stubborn stupor against the wall.

However, Bella didn't fail to notice the way she perked up, tilted her body to Bella and stared at her when she hid in her hair, after giving her answer. Now she just felt foolish, and silly. Why would speaking about the book, make this punk-ass girl beside her, talk to her?

She most likely didn't even read, never mind enjoy Wuthering Heights, that's probably why she sat at the back of the class, and looked so disgruntled when Bella had come to sit beside her. She would be somebody to disrupt her peace, and moments in which to actually hide away and do nothing, because that's what she was doing when Bella walked in. She was spread out across the back desk, in her own little world while the teacher talked through one of the chapters of Wuthering Heights.

Bella picked up her pen and began to tap out the same, insane, annoying and clamorous tune that Miss Brandon has been making, a few moments ago.

After several minutes the teacher finally caught her attention.

"Bella, is there any need for this raucous noise."

She blushed under the gaze of her new teacher, stopping her pen with one hand.

"Um … I'm sorry, I d-d-didn't realise I was doing it."

"It's quite alright, but it was giving me a headache, dear."

She turned back to the class, and Bella turned to the sound of sniggering beside her. The little pixie girl, was holding her sides and covering her mouth, as she looked at Bella. At least somebody was enjoying her humiliation, and it was her fault with that stupid pen tapping.

"I guess you find that funny." Bella's mood was souring quickly as the girl's sniggers turned to pealing laughter — albeit quiet laughter.

Miss Brandon seemed to sober at the sound of Bella's voice, and turned back to her desk, rather demurely. She couldn't quite seem to hide her — now silent — laughter as her shoulders shook. Bella gave her a glancing glare before picking up her pen to start scribbling away in her new book, starting the task her teacher had set on the board.

Alice managed to compose herself finally, the look on Bella's face when she realised she'd been tapping the pen on the table, and had been told of by Mrs Lambert, meant embarrassed didn't even begin to cover it, she looked mortified. She hadn't been able to stop herself from laughing, the girl looked like it was the first time she'd ever been told of in her life. Probably part of the new-girl syndrome, wanting to fit in.

Although, when she commented on her laughing, Alice realised she wasn't being quite as discrete as she first thought, she had tried to pull herself together as best as she could.

She watched in apt fascination as Bella's bent her head, furrowed her brow, and began to scrawl furiously across her page, her handwriting not quite reaching what Alice defined as 'scruffy', but not exactly neat either.

If Alice didn't know Bella was part of Rosalie Hale's little clique, she would have almost called her a geek, but she couldn't be, not when she was friends with Rosalie Hale. Rosalie didn't accept geeks.

She must be just on the girls who liked to do well in school, so she didn't get into trouble with her parents. Parents of those types were always concerned with school, but never their welfare. What was her last name again, Swan? It clicked for Alice, Chief Swan's daughter. No wonder she was hard-working when her father was Chief of Fork's Police, she wouldn't want to be seen doing 'badly' at school. That could also explain why Rosalie was friends with her, if she was best-friends with the Chief's daughter — most likely the apple of his eye — then she wouldn't have to cover her own back all the time, he probably granted Bella a lot of leeway.

Alice continued with her analysis of her classmate, well into the second lesson, and began to tap her pen again against the desk. She'd already done the work, last night, when she couldn't sleep and had woken up to the drip, drip, drip of the roof tiles. She had gone out into the backyard, wrapped up in all her clothes and several blankets, and sat below the street lamp to read the book, and work on her school work. It was a nice, non-raining night for once, so she had to take the opportunity with both hands.

No matter how tired that made her now, it didn't matter, she had to do it, to keep up.

A pale hand shot out and clamped down on her dancing pen, as a face loomed towards her. Alice shot backwards, a little in surprise.

"Will you please stop tapping your pen, it's rather annoying, and I can't concentrate. You don't have to like me, don't even have to pretend to, but please, the pen tapping has to stop."

Alice blinked in shock. The girl looked practically feral as her eyes flickered back to the pen. It was an unconscious habit of hers to do when she was deep in thought, and she didn't realise it chafed on people so much.

"I'm sorry. I'll stop."

Bella tilted her head back to look at Alice, she must not have been expecting a reply. _Can you have expected her too? _

No, because she had ignored her all lesson.

"It's okay. Thank you."

When she went to turn back to her work, Alice decided to throw caution to the wind, and go with her gut, which was screaming at her to talk to Bella.

"I'm Alice."

"Hi, Alice."

The two girls shared a smile, a simple, small, friendly smile, before settling back into their respective places.

"Do you like Wuthering Heights?" Alice queried.

"I love it." Bella gave a shy smile, and blushed.

"I kinda guessed that. Takes one passionate reader to know one."

"You-u-u like the book?" Bella seemed confused by this.

"Yeah, sure. Why do you think I don't?"

"You haven't even picked up the book, never mind wrote a single word since I got here." Bella pointed to Alice's closed book.

"Appearances can be deceiving." She flicked it open to show her pages, upon pages of notes in her neat, spiky handwriting that seemed to match her personality with it's funky spikes and curls.

"Oh."

"Yeah, most of the class are pretty dumb, so it's easy to get ahead. I do all the work set, just a few lessons ahead."

"Isn't this the AP class?"

"Yup."

Bella raised her eyebrows.

"Oh boy."

Alice laughed. "Indeed."

* * *

><p>Mrs Lambert looked on at the two girls from the front, seemingly pleased that they were talking. Somebody needed to bring Alice out of her shell, she was worried about that girl, she'd been deteriorating as of late, and every passing day, a little bit more of the life seemed to vanish out of her eyes.<p>

She'd been to the principal on numerous occasions about the girl, but he'd brushed aside her concerns, saying she was fine, and it was her 'odd' personality that put people off. She'd not been impressed with his manner, and had tried to look into it herself, but there was only so much a teacher could do, without showing up on the doorstep of the girl's home, and that didn't seem entirely appropriate.

She'd found out that Alice had lost her mother in elementary, and that it had hit her hard. She had no father to speak of, and had been left in the care of her step-father, it was said their relationship was strained, but he never seemed to mistreat her. She was a little pale — nothing some sun couldn't solve — and a little on the skinny side, — more food would help — but the problems seemed superficial. She seemed bright and bubbly most of the time, all her work was done and she always appeared looking, healthy. Just something about her made Mrs Lambert query that something beneath the surface, beneath the façade.

She'd spoken to Alice on many one-to-one occasions, but nothing had ever been raised, and with no evidence to take the situation further to the governors, her hands were tied.

It was frustrating as a teacher, and even more frustrating as a caring mother, who would hate to see any child mistreated.

* * *

><p>Alice knew so much in-depth detail about the book and her thoughts were fascinating to Bella. She had obviously read the book many times — as Bella now riffled through Alice's battered copy — and analysed it from different angles, much like Bella herself. It was refreshing to meet somebody her age who enjoyed the book as immensely as her. The lessons seemed to pass quickly with both girls getting caught up in one and other, and their heated discussion.<p>

"Do you have a group you sit with at lunch, because you could join me? I don't really know anybody other than Rosalie, and it would be nice to know another person."

Alice visibly blanches at the offer.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Ah, please. You can sit back with your friends tomorrow. Just for my first day."

"I don't have any friends," Alice murmurs.

"What?"

"You heard."

"Then you can sit with me."

"I don't think I'll be welcomed."

"Sure you will, don't worry." Bella grabbed Alice's arm, and dragged her out of class before she could protest. She wasn't about to let her first proper friend — beside Rosalie — escape her.

"Bella."

"It will be fine, Alice."

She dragged them both into the cafeteria, and gently pushed Alice into the diner queue.

"You know the food is inedible right?"

Bella laughed.

"I guess I'll have to chance it. Can't go wrong with an apple right?"

"No, guess not." Alice laughed nervously, feeling uncomfortable. She felt like everyone around her had their eyes on her, piercing into her skin and watching her. They were vultures in this school, preying on the weak and vulnerable, and she was both.

She trailed along before Bella quietly, not wanting to say anything, to break their fragile friendship before it had even begun. Bella had seemingly proven her wrong in the several lessons that they had been situated in English together, she was witty, kind and intelligent, and she seemed a genuinely friend person, unlike many of Rose's fake friends.

Bella seemed good. So she was taking a chance, something she hadn't done in a long while. Bella was her leap of faith, and she was praying she didn't let her down.

Alice also found that her mouth was dry, and even if she had wanted to speak to Bella, she would have been unable to. It was like her body was preparing for the worst, as the fear practically paralysed her.

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. _

Alice mentally chastised herself, Bella was good, she'd be alright.

Once they'd both selected their food, Alice had stuck to a cheese sandwich — that looked safe — and a piece of fruit. She had over spent with money, she'd just have to make sure she ate it, because there would most likely be no more food today. Bella had some pizza, and an apple.

"Come on, Alice."

Bella motioned for her to follow, and led them both of in the direction of Rosalie Hale's table. She must have showed her where it was early, although she's sure she wouldn't have mentioned allowing Bella to bring anybody else with her. Bella bounded the last few steps to the table and slide her tray along next to Rose's.

"Bella, how's your first day been so far?"

"It's been great thanks, Rosie."

Alice felt like she was being stabbed. Bella was calling Rose, Rosie. Nobody, but her had ever called her that.

"I made a friend."

Bella turned back to Alice, with Rosalie turning too. When she saw her, her smile faded and turned into a sneer.

"You're not talking about that trash, are you, Bella?"

She should have know Rose would never allow her so sit at the table, if it had been anybody else, she probably would have let them sit at the table, probably for a day, but it would have been to get Bella onside, but her, she would never give in to.

Alice felt tears build in her eyes, it wasn't the fact that she had been called trash, as much as Rose's words hurt, it was the fact that her hope had been crushed, again.

"Um … yeah, Rose. Why?"

"You can't be friends with,_ that_!"

"Rose! Alice is my friend."

Rose spun Bella to see her and took hold of her arm.

"Alice is not you friend, never will be. I'm your friend. Alice is a spiteful bitch, who has no friends because she likes to hurt everybody. You don't need friends like _her_, when you've got me, Bella! I know _all _about you, I understand you, Bella. I can make people accept you!"

Bella's eyes go wide as she looks between Alice and Rose. She doesn't have to say anything, Alice can see she's made her decision. She drops her tray, not caring where it lands, and flees from the cafeteria as fast as her feet can propel her out.

"Don't just leave your junk here, trash!" Rose calls out.

She feels the tears bubbling over now, and she rushes in the direction of the bathroom. She bursts through to find it — thankfully — empty, and slams the door behind her, flicking the lock.

The tears spill down her cheeks, and she rushes to the mirror, dropping her bag on the way. Her shoulders convulse as the tears pour, and the feelings of betrayal wash over her. Bella who seemed so friendly and real, sold her out like that, over a few simple, untruths._ How could she do that? _

It made Alice sob harder, she thought she'd found her first real friend in years. Rosie had been the last person to be a major part of her life, and since then she'd been on the outskirts of society until Bella, until today.

It might seem crazy for her to react like this, but she felt so utterly desolate at the turn of events. She'd been mislead, and she could deal with bad and evilness, it was all around in her life, she had nobody, but to gain somebody for a few short moments. This somebody who she thought she had connected to, even on just a basic level as literacy, and to find somebody who hadn't judged her on first appearance, and seemed to genuinely try to talk to her, was rejuvenating. Then, for that person to turn away just as easily, when she thought they'd clicked, she'd been invited for lunched, begged even, and then tossed so easily away. That hurt!

Alice slumped to the ground and pulled up her sleeve. She looked at the cuts, the bruises, the horrible discolouring of her pale, bony skin. She banged her head back against the wall.

_How had she come to this? _

Once the sobs had begun to slow, and Alice had brought herself back to a state of normality, she stood on shaky feet, and turned to the mirror. She didn't have a mirror in her _hovel. _

She pulled her top over her head, to reveal her petite, bony frame, that was covered in dark, tender bruises, fading, yellow bruises and the odd gash. She surveyed her body with dull, uncaring eyes. She watched how her hip bones jutted out, and her ribs drew in attention, while her breasts hung, rather large for her petite frame, but probably smaller than they should be, if she was fully healthy, and a little droopy. She looked at her stick thin arms, and how pale they looked. She looked horrible, her body wasn't fit to be seen by anybody. She was a shell.

Her cheeks were stained black with mascara and eye-liner, that had run down her face with her tears, and her cheeks were red and raw, from the continual flow of wetness.

She dug into her bag, and came out with a small blade, weighing it in her hands. Small, light and sharp. She'd never used a blade before on herself, never got that far.

She brought it to her skin for a moment, touched, pulled away. She caught the reflection of her eyes in the mirror, they looked dark, and haunted. The blade set firmly between her fingers, she rested it against her arm, it wasn't enough to kill her, unless she hit an artery. She knew how to kill herself is she really wanted to, the wrists certainly weren't that place. AP Biology certainly came into use for something, or at least her teacher's 'wonderful' facts did.

Killing herself would be easy though, pointless, nobody would miss her, suffer because of her. It would be good, but she couldn't bring herself that far, not yet.

For a moment, she hesitated. There was no going back from this.

Then she sliced.

The pain was searing, agonising.

She dropped the blade, and watched it clatter into the sink, as her blood poured out into the sink — staining it with her bodily fluids — in a red stream, letting out the hurt, the pain, the betrayal, but most of all, letting out the relief of feeling a punishment for all her wrongs.

She was right, she didn't deserve to hope.

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own Twilight, nor any of it's characters!

**A/N:** I'm back! Hello to new readers, and old alike!

I have plans to **update** this story every **1-2 weeks**, no particularly day, I can't stick to schedules.

I'm **not condoning self-harm**, I don't like it, but I think it's an important teen issue, and I did say **dark moments**. This story isn't light and fluff.

Hope you're still with me, because I'm here to stay!

You can find me on **Twitter, NerdetteLove. **There are** links** on my **profile** to a **banner**.

Thanks for reading. **Hope you'll leave me a review!**

Nerdette! x


	7. The Lunch Room

***^* The Loveless Lives *^* ~ Nerdette Love**

**Chapter Six: **The Lunch Room

**Dedicated to: **Villemo79

Rose thought about how happy Bella looked as she bounded over to the table. Her face was literally glowing, and when she slunk onto the seat beside her, and scooted her tray down to beside Rose, she could see how Bella was literally vibrating with excitement. She was happy for her, in that she seemed to have a had a good day, after all, Forks isn't known for it's great social scene, nor education, but something had cheered Bella up.

When she admitted that she had made a friend, Rose couldn't help feeling slightly envious at the thought. Rose needed Bella, more than she cared to admit, and she couldn't allow her to forget their friendship. She knew she could waver her rule of only the elite – Rose's "inner circle" – being able to sit at their table today, just for Bella if this friend chose to come over, but it would not become a habit. Rose could not be seen to be wavering from her ice queen status just for Bella, the new girl. The students of Forks would most likely assume that they were lesbian lovers, because they were fickle like that.

Rose realised that she didn't really have a problem with that, if it were true, and she swung that way like Bella, but she certainly didn't, so would not tolerate any such rumours.

When Bella pointed to her new friend however, Rose felt the fury and fear build within her. Both battling for equal dominance.

Alice.

She could not allow Alice to become Bella's friend, she would take her away, tell her the horrible things about Rosalie's past, and then she would have nobody. She she struck out, as harshly as she could and she manipulated Bella, because it was the only way she knew to act.

She used the point that Bella had told her in confidence to get her to stay. She couldn't bring herself in that moment to care about the consequences with Bella entirely, but she needed her friendship, and she wouldn't allow Alice to take it from her. She was scared, and she didn't like to admit that. Being afraid is not an emotion Rosalie Hale deals well with, and because of that, it means she tends to act irrationally.

So once the words were out of her mouth, she couldn't take them back, and she saw the conflicting emotions in Bella's eyes as well as the horror and hurt, and maybe a little bit of betrayal to why Rose would suddenly act like this. Her head flicking back and forth between her and Alice, she held her frosty appearance, and didn't allow Bella's dejected puppy appearance to sway her. She couldn't be friends with Alice, if she intended to stay friends with her.

It seemed Alice would make the decision for them all, when she dropped the tray containing her lunch and started fleeing from the cafeteria. Rose stared with great disdain down at the cheese sandwich that had been scattered over the floor.

"Don't just leave your junk here, trash!" Rose called out after her.

Bella turned on her with a glare.

"Why did you do that? Have you seen the poor girl, no friends, as skinny as a stick." She pulled away from the table and shouted after Alice.

"Alice, wait."

It was too late, Alice had already gone from the cafeteria, and it was unlikely Bella would find her now.

"Sit down, Bella."

She turned with a glare.

"Why, because you'll threaten me again?"

Rose felt her anger rise at the mocking tone within Bella.

"Really ready for the whole school to know, want to go public now? I can make it happen!"

Bella paled and dropped into her seat, but this time she shuffled away from Rose and picked at her food.

Bella's phone buzzed against the table. She picked it up, to see Rose's name scrawled across the screen.

**I'm sorry -R x**

**Can't say it in front of everyone, ruin your "social queen" status? -B**

**It's not that. -R x**

**Really? What is it, care to enlighten me? -B **

**It's complicated Bella, you don't understand. -R x**

**Explain -B**

**I will. Come to mine after school -R x**

**Give me a good reason -B**

**'Cos you're my only REAL friend -R x**

Bella froze at the last words on her screen, despite sitting next to the blonde while texting her, she had never once chosen to look at her, but now she did. She twisted her head to the side to see the distress, discomfort and yearning covering Rose's face as she hunched a little at the table, allowing her composure to slip for a moment as she stared at the screen of her phone, as if willing it to reply. She didn't seem to notice Bella staring at her, nor anyone else around, she just kept watching her phone.

Bella turned back to her phone.

**Okay. I'll think about it. -B x**

Bella understood that Rosalie was lonely. It was the only point she could deduce, why else make friends with a total stranger before anybody else? Bella wasn't overly bright, but when she stayed at Rose's house, she never heard from her parents, never had anybody around, the house was like a show home, pristinely clean, but it was certainly nothing like a home.

Bella felt sorry for Rose in that moment, but she knew she couldn't just let things slip by, she had potentially damaged her friendship with Alice. She was afraid of Rose sharing her secret, and that would be held above her head, because even though Rose was lonely, she couldn't be sure she wouldn't use that. She wanted to come out, she really did, but now wasn't the right time for Bella, her first day of school, she needed to get comfortable.

Could she sacrifice Alice for that peace of mind?

The answer was in Bella's personality, she could never sacrifice somebody else for her own personal sake or gain. She hated putting people in a bad position because of her own needs. She could try and befriend Alice, but maybe not around Rose. She didn't know how it could work, but all she knew was it had to, for Alice's sake, for Rose's and for hers because she needed Alice, she liked Alice, and she thought, maybe Alice needed her too.

Rose felt her heart start to beat again when she received the last text from Bella.

**Okay. I'll think about it. -B x**

Rose didn't think Bella understood her actions nor accepted them but the little x at the end, helped to calm her down. She hadn't thrown things so far out of the window that they couldn't be repaired, and she hadn't lost Bella entirely, just yet. She was her only chance of a real friend.

Many of the people around her were all a fake image, friends with her because she was: pretty, rich, popular. You could name many a reason to why people were attracted to Rose, and the need to be her friend, but never had she met anybody like Bella. She's so different in the way she held herself, her lack of confidence, yet her easy acceptance of everybody around. She seemed to be mother duck who took every waif and stray under her wing, attracting those who needed her help, like a healer.

It was unique.

Rose looked up from her phone, to realize that Bella was just staring at her. She couldn't decipher the expression on her face, it was hard to read, but she didn't look as mad. Her cheeks were still flushed and her hair was a little wild, but her eyes, they were just pools of calm, melted chocolate. Bella nodded once before pulling her – mostly untouched – tray of food away from the table and standing to leave.

"I'll see you at the end of the day, Bella?"

"Sure."

Rose nods her head, while watching Bella shuffle her way out of the cafeteria.

It didn't sound like a positive, definite sure, but Rose would take anything she was given.

Rose turned back to her friends around the table, and plasters her best fake smile across her face. She can be deemed to be falling down now, she has to keep up her appearances.

"So, Rose. What you doing tonight?" Jessica flutters her fake eyelashes and giggles.

_Ugh! _

"I have plans with Bella."

"Oh!" Jessica's face shows her surprise.

"Yeah. Sorry, Jess."

"No worries, Rose." It was clear that Jess was disappointed, after all, being seen out with Rosalie Hale was always the highlight of anyone's week!

"We're having a party this weekend at mine, my parents are going out. Do you want to come?" Lauren butted in.

"Sure. Drink?"

"Why wouldn't there be?" She gave Rose the 'duh' face.

She just shrugged, and pulled out the mirror from her Prada bag. She didn't want to break her usual lunch time routine, which consisted of sitting, pushing the inedible food around the tray, before chit-chatting with the girls, and then going on to powder her face.

"Oh, Rose. You have such great skin." Jess fluffed up her hair, while staring into her own mirror. She was peering at a spot that was forming between her nose and cheek, it would make her look hideous.

"I know." Rose twisted her face side to side, and brought out her brush to touch up her face.

"Look at that little geek." Lauren laughed hysterically as she pointed at Angela Weber, one of the quieter girls in the school who was well known for keeping her head down. She had never come onto my radar, always kept to herself, quite pretty, but just your average high school student. Rose didn't see why Lauren had chosen this moment to pick on her, it was wholly unfair, but it wasn't her place to dispute. High school is a _dog-eat-dog_ world; you look out for yourself.

"Hey, Speccy!"

Angela's head turns quickly to look at Lauren, before continuing like she never heard her. Rose felt like doing a little victory cheer in her head for Angela, it wasn't like she had a liking for the girl, she just really despised Lauren. Lauren is cruel, bitchy, and just down right mean.

"Oi, I was talking to you."

Angela just marches on out of the cafeteria, totally ignoring Lauren.

"Ouch, you just got burned!" Rose holds in her laughter, while Lauren looks down right angry, as well as humiliated.

Lauren didn't like being humiliated, especially by a geek, so she would get her revenge. She would also find that Bella Swan, who seemed to have taken all of Rose's attention. _Why was she so special as to get her attention? What had she done that caused her to be her best friend? She'd only just started school, and it wasn't fair!_

Lauren slumped back into her seat, and pulled out her nail file. Rose watched with little interest as Lauren sharpened her nails into deadly claws, with short huffs in-between.

The bell rang to signal the end of dinner, and Rose slung her tray on top of Lauren's. She jumped, before quickly scuttling around to pick up the trays and remove them. Rose always chose to dump her tray on the person she thought had, one could say, performed badly at dinner, and it seemed Lauren had gone out of her way to make an ass out of herself.

Lauren knew she was in Rose's bad books when the tray got dropped before her. Lauren watched with envy when Rose linked arms with Jess, and strolled from the cafeteria, her Prada bag swinging from her arm. Lauren wished her parents would splash out and buy her Prada, she was lucky to get her Jimmy Choos for Christmas, and mainly designer wardrobe. Never mind Prada bags.

Lauren was jealous of Rose for many reason, but most of all, her ability to attract attention and be liked, nobody liked her, but she didn't care, because one day people would realise, Rosalie Hale was just a face, and she was much better.

* * *

><p>Bella felt annoyed, confused and overwhelmed by the past few minutes of the day. Everything had been going swimmingly, until she'd entered the cafeteria. She wasn't stupid to think that there wouldn't be a seating arrangement, there always was. In her old school, Bella had been placed beside the bin, on her own. Now she was with Rosie, and she knew that was a popular place to be, at the centre of the lunch room, on the biggest table.<p>

She thought Rose wouldn't mind if she invited one friend, after all, she never expected them to be placed on her table permanently, but she'd hit the roof. Bella had seriously misunderstood the levels in which Rose would stoop to in which to keep her popularity, but when she threatened her … Bella had been utterly thrown.

How could Rose do that? Had she meant so little to her, that she would threaten exposing Bella just to maintain her image. It was ridiculous. Bella felt extremely hurt that Rose could pass her off for popularity.

Once Bella was out in the corridors she began searching for Alice, she couldn't see her anywhere. Bella began to worry. _How much had this damaged their friendship? _

She didn't know how long she spent looking for Alice, until she heard some commotion outside the toilet near the cafeteria.

"Jesus. Who's in there? It's been locked all dinner!" One of the girls around complained as she idly stared at her nails.

Bella felt her worry rise. Could Alice be in there?

Just as she felt the need to go over, and see for herself the exact cause of all the commotion, Alice came spilling out of the bathroom. She looked eerily pale, even death-like. It was scary.

Alice didn't give Bella a chance to catch up with her because she didn't dawdle outside the bathroom. She flew off down like a bat out of hell, never once pausing as she fled the scene, almost like a criminal. A guilty concious weighing heavy on her if she stayed in that place. Bella watched on in concern.

Alice looked ill.

There was no easy way to describe how sickly Alice appeared to be, so Bella flew off down the corridor after her. She was hoping that they could reconcile, after all, it hadn't been her fault. It was Rosalie's.

"Alice."

Bella had no hope in catching her if she continued to jog down the corridor, so she had to call out in hopes of gaining her attention. The girl froze for a moment at the sound of her name, before whipping her head around at a break-neck speed, to give Bella an icy stare.

"Alice, please."

Bella hustled over, while Alice was frozen.

"What do you want? Come to gloat about my humiliation at lunch?" she sneered.

"No. Of course not! Why would I do that? I thought we were friends."

"Friends. You've got some strange ideals of friendship, Isabella Swan."

"I'm sorry, it wasn't my fault. It's Rosalie."

"She's a bitch, that's a given, but are you her puppet? Didn't think so."

Bella stared on, flabbergasted as Alice continued with her rant.

"I didn't mean that. Look, it was a misunderstan—"

"Misunderstanding? You're worse than Rosalie. At least she doesn't try to pretend that she's somebody she isn't."

Bella gasped. She saw the hurt in Alice's eyes. She'd really messed up with Alice, and there didn't seem to be a way to fix it, or at least, not right now.

Alice spun and began to stalk away from Bella, but she had to give her one final shot.

Bella flung her arm out, and snagged Alice's wrist which felt warm and squishy beneath her palm. "Alice. Just listen, for one minute. You have every right to hate me, feel free, but I know what it's like, to have no friends. This school was a new start to me, and I never meant to alienate you. God, I never meant to upset you. I'm just trying to fit in, for once in my life, can't you understand that?"

Something shined in Alice's eyes that Bella couldn't quite put her finger too, maybe it was understanding, she couldn't tell. Bella gripped Alice's arm tighter, in hopes of getting the message through to her. Although, she never got the chance to see what is was or get Alice to understand before Alice wrenched her arm free from Bella's grip, and fled off down the hallway, without a single glance.

Bella turned around to see a large group of students milling around, pretending to act inconspicuous, but it was blatantly obvious that they had been watching the spat between Bella and Alice.

"Fill your boots with somebody else's pain why don't you?" Bella muttered under her breath.

The bell rang to signal the start of next lesson, and Bella sighed.

Her first day had gone absolutely swimmingly so far. She'd made a friend, alienated said friend, fallen out with the only person who had been nice to her since she got here, and now, she was lost in school because she had no idea where her next lesson was. Great.

How much worse could her day get?

"Hey, Swan."

Bella turned her head to the deep male voice. It was that blond lad from earlier. Bella felt her stomach revolt at his physical closeness.

"Yeah?"

"So, I was wondering, being the new girl and me being from town, if you wanted showing around. Know what I mean?" He winked suggestively.

"Well … Rose already gave me the town tour, and I'm a little busy tonight, having just got here and all." Bella felt hopeless as she racked her brain for a good excuse.

"I'm going down to La Push with my dad, he's introducing me to some of his friends." Bella felt proud of herself for finally reaching a suitable excuse, which was actually true.

_Damn! That meant she was going to have to text Rose to meet with her later. _

"Oh. Well, maybe another time?" He looked disappointed.

"Sure." Bella nodded, not really meaning her words, but not having the heart to crush him either. Even if he was a slime ball.

"Catch you later, Arizona."

Bella just arched one of her eyebrows, Arizona? Really? She'd never been called that before, but it was a refreshing change to the mean ones.

Bella turned back around and sighed, as she pulled out her schedule. Where to now?

"Need any help?" A quiet girl, with glasses appeared at Bella's side.

"Umm, please."

"I'm Angela. Lets see you timetable."

Bella handed it over and Angela's grin slipped for a moment.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You've got blood all over your timetable."

Bella glanced down to see the smeared red fingerprints. She raised up her hand to see the smudge of blood across. Where the hell did that come from?

"I'm fine. Just … cut my thumb." Bella rubbed her hand against her jeans, removing the blood and trying to brush of the strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. Why did she just lie?

"Okay. I'm glad."

Bella let out a little chuckle, and grinned at the girl.

"Well, right this way, we have AP Biology together."

Bella linked her arm through the Angela's waiting arm.

"I'm—"

"I know. Isabella Swan, best known as Bella. You're talk of the school. The new 'Miss Popular'."

Bella wasn't sure how she felt about that, the new "Miss Popular", after all, she'd only ever been the freaky daughter of the crazy women, who sat next to the bin at dinner.

Maybe things weren't so bad, after all …

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own Twilight, nor it's characters.

If anybody didn't know the English idioms dog-eat-dog, it's just looking out for your own self interests. I put it in there because it fit, but with everybody not always having English as their first language, I didn't know if it would confuse you. This isn't meant to be patronising!

This story is a **slow burner**, so don't expect them to jump on each other straight away, but we will get there, I promise, **so don't leave me**!

Thanks for reading, find me on **Twitter**,** NerdetteLove** hope you'll **leave me a review**!

**Update:** 1 - 2 weeks.

**Banner link on my profile!**

**Nerdette! x**


	8. Meeting Jacob Black

***^* The Loveless Lives *^* ~ Nerdette Love**

**Chapter Seven: **Meeting Jacob Black

**Dedicated to: **Villemo79

The day had passed rather quickly after Angela had shown Bella to Biology. It turned out she was a fairly nice — if a rather quiet — girl, but friendly. Bella wouldn't yet class her as being a friend, however, she would say she was on the way to making friends with the girl. She knew they didn't have the same connection as Rose and her, nor Alice and her, but with Alice, she wanted much, much more than just friendship.

She found Alice attractive in her own right, her rock-punk chick look that she carried off so easily, and the lost puppy appeal that meant Bella just wanted to pick her up and take her home, to care for her, and look after. Petting her would definitely be part of that, but that came much later. Bella couldn't allow her thoughts to travel there, when she barely knew the girl because for all she knew, the girl might not even like women.

Bella wasn't about to get her hopes up over somebody who seemingly hated her at the moment. After school Bella had gone to find Rose who had given her a lift to school that morning, and falling out with your ride isn't particularly advisable. So, she'd not particularly made up, but she'd gotten a lift home, after telling Rose she'd drop by later, since she was going down to La Push with her dad.

Rose had been understanding, if a little quiet, and offered to pick Bella up later, once she got home.

Bella was sat stacking her books onto her new shelves, that Charlie had put up. Her books were arranged by author and then by title or series, depending on the books. Bella was rather meticulous when it came to the arrangement of her books. She liked to make sure they were all ordered precisely.

"Hey, Bells. You home?"

Bella paused mid-way through stacking her collection of classics onto the third shelf, when her father's voice rang through the house.

"Up here."

"You ready to go down to the Black's?"

"Sure. Let me just grab my stuff."

Bella quickly slotted the books into place, casting a fleeting stare filled with yearning to the other un-shelved books, before she dashed out of her room, pulling her coat, bag and shoes along with her.

"I'm almost ready." Bella hops about on one foot at the bottom of the stairs, while pulling on her shoe. Well to be specific her converse, how she loved those shoes. Flat. Comfortable. Fashionable.

Charlie watched on with varied expressions, particularly amusement at Bella's antics.

"Sure you're alright there, Bells?"

"I'm good, Ch–Dad."

"Lets go!" He marches out of the front door, and heads for his cruiser once the shoe is firmly on Bella's foot.

Bella's mind quickly switches to how embarrassing this is going to be for her; travelling in the cruiser. She follows behind her father, pulling her coat around her; in attempt to shield against the bitter weather.

She slid into the car, and buckled up, before reaching for the heater and turning it up as far as it would go.

"Cold, Bells?"

"Freezing."

Charlie chuckled. "Guess this is nothing like Arizona."

"Got that right."

* * *

><p>The rest of the journey was maintained in silence, neither party feeling the need to attempt to start a conversation. Both were happy in the silence they were maintaining. No sounds were heard in the car, other than the rumbling of the car engine, and the blasting of the heater.<p>

Bella held her hands up against the heater to make them toasty warm, after not bringing along her gloves. _How thoroughly stupid!_

It was obvious to anybody watching the passing scenery, where Forks ended and La Push began. The houses changed to a little bit smaller, a little more worn, and the old world atmosphere appeared. La Push felt comforting and warm to Bella, something that Forks didn't always feel like. Forks seemed to feel more clinical, more cold, while La Push was a breathe of fresh, warm air that she so desired. La Push felt good.

It had been years since Bella had actually been to La Push, but even though her memory was foggy, she could remember the place like only yesterday. La Push was a hard place to forget. Although the people were a little easier, especially over a long period of time. She'd heard the names and remembered them well, Jacob and Billy, but faces … she couldn't quite place them.

Only moments later they were pulling into a drive in front of a red, wooden house that had a ramp leading up to the door and a shed to the side. Bella sat steadfast in her seat for several moments, watching the house warily. Maybe she thought it would open up and swallow her whole, she wasn't quite sure, she just felt edgy.

"Come on, Bells." Charlie switched off the engine and clambered from the car.

Bella hesitated only a moment before slinking out after him. Before they could reach the house, the door was pulled open my a tall, dark-skinned, rather handsome guy. If Bella didn't firmly believe in her attraction to females, she might have said this man here would make her melt.

"Bells!" The guy called her name enthusiastically, and came barrelling forward to sweep her into a bone-crushing hug.

"Eekk."

He laughed heartily before setting her on her feet. Bella felt mildly uncomfortable, not really remember the boy/man before her.

"I said go easy on her, Jacob. Not swoop in and scare her to death." Another man rolled himself out in his wheelchair, looking older and wiser, but very much the same as Jacob in his dominating presence.

"Sorry." The young guy, Jacob, shrugged sheepishly.

"Jacob." Bella tested the name on her tongue and the young guy smiled.

She frowned. "I thought you were always younger than me?"

"I am."

Bella gawked. "You're so tall!"

He laughed. "It's in the genes." He patted his denim jeans, and Bella laughed. It felt good to laugh and express herself.

"Nice to see you, Bella. Charlie here, hasn't stopped talking about you coming since he heard." The old man held out his hand, and Bella shook it rather timidly.

She watched her father turn a rather deep shade of red in embarrassment, and his moustache twitched.

"Nice to meet you too, Billy." Bella tucked her hands into her coat pocket and shivered slightly.

"Invite the poor girl in then, Jacob. She's shivering."

"Oh." Jacob dragged Bella under his arm — like they'd been friends forever — and lead her into the warmth of the house. She guessed they had been friends as children, but they'd just lost touch until now.

"You have a nice house." Bella admired the small little house, in its cosy appeal. It was the perfect size for a small family. Although Jacob's presence dominated the room, entirely. He filled every inch, and Bella couldn't believe that his head wasn't hitting the roof.

"Thanks. It's small, but we like it."

"It's perfect." Bella blushed when Jacob turned round to look at her with raised eyebrows. Despite not really remembering Jacob, or knowing how trustworthy he really was, she felt safe and secure with him. Whether it was his larger than life presence that filled the room, or how he seemed to radiate happiness. This boy seemed … nice — for lack of a better word.

"Really?"

"It just feels so family orientated and homely. It's a kind of new feeling for me."

He furrowed his eyebrows at Bella's comment. _New feeling? How could family orientated and homely be a new feeling, surely everybody felt like there house was a … home, right? _He mulled over he words for a few moments before shrugging them off. Sure he'd find an answer out later on.

He allowed his eyes to roam over her body instead. She was a perfect specimen of a human female. Curvy. Small — so she'd fit snugly beneath his arm. Beautiful. And most of all, feminine; to make a man feel all the more masculine.

"So, Bella. How's Forks High treating you?"

"It's alright." She wrinkled her nose. It wasn't exactly great, but it had only been her first day.

"Well you're still walking after your first day, so I assume it can't be that bad."

Bella laughed. "No. I've made a couple of friends." Her mind drifted to Rose — could she call her a friend still? She wasn't quite sure, but a blip in their friendship shouldn't pull them apart. High school is frivolous enough, and losing a friend before they'd made a proper friendship wasn't a good way to start.

Then there was Alice. She really couldn't decide what was happening there. One thing for sure, she couldn't get that girl out of her mind. Her spiky black hair, and big eyes haunted her mind. Her punk ass nature, and rock chick look. Everything about her drew Bella in. She found herself fantasising about those lips on her own, caressing her own. Feeling that warm, little body pressed flush against her own, and writhing and wriggling beneath her wandering hands. All those thoughts had gone through her mind and excited her. Never before had Bella reacted like that to a girl … then again, Alice wasn't just any girl. She was Alice.

"Lets head into the kitchen, I'll get you a drink."

"Sure." Bella nods her head, rather nervously. He had that glint in his eyes for a moment; the one where a guy checks a girl over. She didn't like it. She wasn't a piece of meat, and she didn't like guys.

* * *

><p>Once they were both settled around the small kitchen table with their respective drinks, Jacob decided it was time to hit the nail on the head.<p>

"So, are you dating anybody, Bella?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "No. I mean I only just moved here, a —"

"— and long distance relationships don't work, right."

She nodded her head, not really sure how to answer that she'd never had a relationship before.

"Well, if you ever need anybody to help show you around, or a shoulder to cry on. I'm here."

"Jacob, I really don't think that ..."

He looked dejected when he held up his hand. "It's okay."

"Okay?"

"I don't expect you to jump into a relationship with me, just that I like you, Bella. I always have."

She didn't know how to put this, there was no way of being delicate, and to keep his hopes up when there really was no chance, was cruel. Although this would mean giving her secret up, for the first time in her life, saying it out loud.

"Jacob, you're misunderstanding."

His brow furrowed. "Are you okay, Bella?" He scooted his chair around to her.

"I'm fine, t-t-here is just something I s-s-should tell you."

"Hey, hey. It's fine, if you don't want to say. Don't get upset, Bella."

"Promise not to freak out on me."

"You can trust me."

She looked into his eyes and all she saw was honesty. This boy before her was so heartfelt that she didn't doubt any of his words.

"I'm not attracted to boys."

"Oh."

There was silence for a moment.

"What you trying to tell me, Bella. You like older men? Or you're like asexual?" he whispered the last part.

"Neither." She dropped her head down, hiding the flush that was covering her face.

Jacob's hand came to lift her chin. "You like girls, Bells?" Her dad's nickname rolled of his tongue and with it, came a sense of relief.

She nodded her head, and felt tears prick her eyes.

"Hey, don't cry."

"I-I-I don't know what's come over me."

"There is nothing wrong with it, Bells."

"Really?"

"Sure, sure."

She gave him a weak smile and flung her arms around his neck, while giving him a hug.

"Thank you!"

She began to giggle then, and so did Jacob. His laughter drifted through him in great rumbles and made Bella's body vibrate.

"Hey, you two kids, what's going off in here?" Billy rolled in with a good natured wink, and Bella and Jacob broke apart. Bella blushed profusely, and Jacob chuckled.

"You ready to go, Bells? Your dad has to get back, he's on the evening shift, his deputy bailed." She nods her head and turns to Jacob.

"See you later?"

"Sure, sure. Won't get rid of me that easy."

She moves to leave the room, but he drags her back and pulls her into a hug. He drops his mouth to whisper in her ear, "Your secret is safe with me, Bells."

She pulled away and gave him a real smile, which he returned whole-heartedly. She kissed Billy on the cheek before rushing out to jump in Charlie's cruiser.

* * *

><p>"Dad, can you drop me off at the Hale's house, please?"<p>

"Sure. How will you get home?"

"Umm … Rose said she'd drop me off."

"Okay."

* * *

><p>Charlie pulled the cruiser up in front of the Hale's big house. It dominated a large proportion of the street in it's grandeur, and it's private drive that set it back against the street. It was a beautiful house, but far from being a home. Bella noticed this immediately after coming from Jacob's, it was far more noticeable than last time she'd been.<p>

Charlie noticed her hesitation. "You alright, Bells?"

"I'm fine." She nodded and quickly got out of the car. Not wanting to gain any more attention from her father.

"See you later, Bells!"

"Be safe."

He nodded in assent and drove off, leaving Bella stood at the base of the big black gates. She made her way over to the intercom and pressed the buzzer.

"Hello?" Her beautiful voice rang down the line, sounding oddly hollow and empty.

"Rose."

"Bella."

"Wait there." The line went dead.

"Where else am I going?" Bella huffed and leant against the wall. Moments later the gates opened and Rose came barrelling out, looking flushed and ruffled.

"Bella." She flung her arms around Bella's neck and held the other girl tightly.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it at lunch. Alice is a sore subject, and I can't let her take you away."

Bella didn't utter a word. She was entirely shocked by Rose's current attitude. She seemed to have totally changed in a matter of mere hours.

When Rose finally pulled away from Bella she seemed to have composed herself, and the cool, icy exterior was back and she held her position firmly.

"I'm sorry. I was a little emotional there."

Bella nodded wordlessly. _Bipolar, much? _

Rose grasped the other girl's arm and with an insistent tug, dragged her up the driveway towards the big house. The only sound, the clicking of her Jimmy Choos on the paved driveway. _Click. Click. Click. _The harsh sound of the heels on the path, never fading. Bella allowed the sound to consume her, in an almost therapeutic motion.

The sound allowed her to enter a space in her head that would allow her to deal with Rose, emotion free — or as best as could be expected. The big door loomed before them, left ajar most likely from Rose's earlier exit, and showing the entrance to the cold, immaculate house. It was a show home. The perfect description of a house with a place for everything, and everything in its place.

"Don't you love the house?" Rose twirled around on the tiles, before slamming the door shut.

"Sure." Bella raised her eyebrows. How could one admit to thinking somebodies house looked unloved … She might have said it was perfectly pristine, but homely and perfect like Jacob's? Never.

Bella drifted to how the house was almost a perfect resemblance of Rose's personality. The house even showed the moment of bipolar tendencies, it was her room. The only room Bella had seen which had another colour other than golden cream, or ivory cream. A variation of cream. Rose's room was blue, a stunning shade of blue. It was a welcoming sign of life when one entered from the rest of the house.

Bella assumed that Rose's mother — who she never spoke off — would have decorated the house, and had not been given the opportunity to change Rose's room. Rose must have requested the colour in her room, because a parent would surely notice their child's room was a different colour scheme to the rest of the house.

Bella's mother, however dysfunctional and driven within her religion was always part of Bella's life. However Bella thought this was because she wanted to keep "track" of her daughter, and stop her committing "deadly sins". Not that she was ever given the opportunity, and if she was, she'd probably turn them down.

The only sin Bella had was her repressed love of women. She'd never acted on the desire, never flaunted it, or shown it. So how could it be accused a sin, when she didn't act on it?

Bella could never answer that question, but the more she thought it over, analysed it, the dirtier she felt. She'd seep down deep into her brain, and find the self-loathing that made her want to tear of her skin, and be "normal". She didn't though. She's learned to deal. She accepted her nature despite the repression. The repression was because she wasn't allowed to express her love. Over time she'd adapted to the knowledge that she'd never feel attracted to guys, and hoped that one day, her family could love her for her decisions.

"Lets go to my room, it's more … quiet there."

Bella didn't try to contradict Rose on the idea of it being quiet. The whole house was quiet. She felt that it was the thing Rose needed to do, to enter her own space. She didn't feel like upsetting this bipolar girl anymore because she already felt like she was walking on eggshells. Every step another tentative movement.

"Are you okay, Rosie?"

"I'm fine. Couldn't be better." She grinned, but it looked false.

"Where are your parents? I thought they got back today ..." Bella looked around, noticing again the emptiness of the house.

"Oh yeah. They went out." Rose waved her hand absent-mindedly but her voice held an edge that was closed off.

"Sure they did," Bella muttered.

"What did you say?" Rose asked.

"Didn't they take you with them?"

"No, I told them you were coming around."

"Oh right. You could have gone and just text me."

"No, we need to talk!" Rose nodded her head firmly and made her way up the stairs, Bella trailing behind.

(*TLL*)

The two girls were sprawled across Rose's big bed, enjoying the luxurious silkiness of the sheets.

"Rose. You can't behave like you did at lunch again."

Rose lifted her head from the comforter and frowned. "You can't tell me how to behave."

"Maybe not, but I don't have to put up with you treating me like that."

"I don't want to lose you, Bella."

"You're not."

"Alice will take you away from me!"

"That's stupid, I'm my own person."

"Maybe you are, but you don't know Alice. She's dangerous."

"Really? She's as skinny as a stick, and looks like the wind might break her."

"Bella, please."

"What?"

"Promise me you'll stay away from her?"

"Rose ..."

"Bella, promise me."

Bella placed one of her hands beneath her body and crossed her fingers. It seemed almost a childish thing to do, but she couldn't face the psychological side of things with Rose, when willingly entering a promise and not having some form of "void" clause.

"I promise."

Rose smiled brightly. "Stay here tonight. I'll cook."

Bella evaluated Rose for a moment, her almost pleading expression and the empty house.

"You should spend some time with your parents."

"Oh, right."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"What about a lift?"

"Charlie will pick me up."

"If you're sure."

"I am. I'll see myself out."

Rose rolled over and turned her back from Bella, trying to hide her disappointment. Her parents had phoned only moments before, they weren't coming back for another two weeks, and she'd been left alone again. For the first time in a long time, Rose allowed a single tear to slip down her cheek before she pulled herself together.

No more, no more, would she allow Alice Brandon to enter her life and get to her heart. She was called the "ice queen" and that was for a reason. Alice didn't deserve Bella, she always got what she wanted, and it wasn't fair.

Meanwhile, Bella trekked home the mile and a half to Charlie's house. The darkness setting in, but she felt soothed by it. It made her blend, and she revelled in that, while she tried to make sense of her day.

She knew three things. Jacob was a good friend. Rose was lonely. And she might just be falling for a girl named Alice Brandon, that might just hate her guts.

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own Twilight nor it's characters.

I think I lost some readers as of last chapter, and **I'm sorry** to see that. There won't be much if any more self-harm. It was a low point for Alice, and despite things being difficult, they probably won't get much worse.

I really hope you stick with me because I love a good HEA. Rated M for later chapters.

Thanks for all the support of those reading. I really hope you'll **leave me a review please** because I love them!

Follow me on **Twitter, NerdetteLove** or better yet, join Twitter and then follow me!

**Update: 1 – 3 weeks.**

**Nerdette x**

* * *

><p><strong>Story Recs:<strong>

Learning to be Human by shamrock1787 (Alice/Bella)

Yes, Mistress by mskathy (Rosalie/Female pet)

The Best Friend by Lenetjie (Alice/Bella)

Push Me, Pull Me by theswandive (Angela/Bella)


	9. The Connection Through Books

***^* The Loveless Lives *^* ~ Nerdette Love**

**Chapter Eight: **The Connection Through Books

**Dedicated to: **Villemo79

It had been a whole week, and despite Bella's best interest to gain Alice's attention, little had occurred. Every time she'd tried to speak to her, the girl would shut down even more, turn away, become a mute. She'd tried to find her at the end of the day and follow her, but she'd vanish from sight. She'd asked around as quietly as possible but it seemed nobody knew anything about Alice, and the people that did, Bella couldn't trust to ask for the fact they'd tell Rose.

Rose. Rose became another problem all upon her own. She'd been closed off, entirely fake, and much too over-enthusiastic at times. She was literally bi-polar.

The only person Bella had found that could be within any realms of sane or nice to her at school was Angela, who she barely saw. However, the person she'd truly connected too, was Jacob. She'd found him comfortable to be around. He was what one could call home, almost.

Nevertheless, Bella's thoughts always drifted back to the same person, Alice. She could not forget Alice. Her short, spiky hair, her funky clothes. She was unique. Alice had haunted Bella's dreams.

_Her plush, rosy-pink lips were moistened as her tongue darted out to wet them. Slowly, she took that bottom lip between her teeth and nibbled; she was taunting her. She released the bottom lip slowly and parted her mouth, while panting slightly. Bella held in a groan. She leant forward, gauging the other girl's reaction. She didn't protest, didn't move, only flicked her tongue across her lips again. Bella released a small whimper, and her lips were inches from the girl's before her. She could almost taste her. She could feel the very air she breathed. _

"Bella!" Rose shook her gently, shaking her from her dream world.

That was the place the dream finished. Every morning Bella would wake just before the girl's lips planted on her own. She knew it was a girl with every fibre in her body, but she never saw a face. Something inside of her told her it was Alice, but how could she know, when there was never a face?

It didn't make sense to Bella that it could be anybody other than Alice, she knew they were her lips. The ones her eyes found themselves constantly drifting too. The one she could never look away from. Alice would sometimes catch her staring, only ever staring. Then she would turn away and hide while Bella blushed and hid in her hair. It was the feeling she was always consumed with when indulging in a guilty pleasure and knowing she had been caught. There was something about Alice for Bella that illuminated her in a different light to everyone else. It can be said without a doubt that she was Bella's guilty pleasure.

"What, Rose?"

"Where did you, wonderland?"

Bella could recognise the irony even if Rose didn't. Not quite wonderland, but Alice-land, she'd certainly been there. If only she could go to wonderland with Alice.

"No."

"Come on, it's lunch!" Rose yanked on Bella's arm, pulling her out of her chair and along out of the classroom.

Bella allowed herself to be pulled by Rose because the insistent tugging upon her arm would be highly annoying. However that didn't mean she trotted quickly after Rose, she took a leisurely stroll. The frown marring Rose's face was highly comical for Bella because she'd still not entirely forgiven this girl. She knew she had issues, it was plain to her because she "saw" Rose, and not the image she painted. Nevertheless this could never excuse her actions towards Alice the previous week. For Bella it may have been a different matter if Alice was still talking to her, but it became more of a complex issue when she wasn't.

"Bellaaaaaa, what's wrong?" Rose halted in her march before she spun around to face Bella.

"Nothing."

Rose's eyes narrowed.

"When you say nothing, it's referring to there being no thing, which therefore implies there must be something for no thing to be there."

Rose turned her head in the direction of this new, unwanted … noise.

"Who do you think you're talking to?"

"Not you." Alice gave her a pointed look.

"Move along, Wonderland!"

Bella found herself smirking at this quirky Alice. When had she become so outspoken? Alice merely turned and left before anything else could be said to her.

"Jeez, she's such a freak!"

Bella finally pulled her head away from Alice but she couldn't pull her thoughts away. Was this Alice making an effort to talk to her? Bella shook her head. Of course it wasn't. She was mocking her. Bella felt extremely dejected since once again, Alice had proven her attractive qualities to Bella. She was beautiful, quirky, witty and most of all, she'd shown how intelligent she was. Bella loved the idea of dating a smart being.

Alice was perfect.

Bella huffed and trailed after Rose. She couldn't and wouldn't call Alice a freak, not when she was extremely attracted to this "freak".

* * *

><p>Bella shuffled into the library as quietly as she could, while trying to be inconspicuous. She'd been hiding away from Rose since the end of lunch, and had extra time to study, so she'd decided the library would be her safe haven. She didn't want to give the impression she hated Rose because she was far away from hating her, it's that she wanted her to understand that her behaviour couldn't remain the same.<p>

Friends are equals.

Bella made her way to the back of the library, dropping her bag onto the free table, hidden away in the corner and she pulled out her stack of books; the books that had been weighing down her shoulder, and causing her extreme pain. Bella sifted through her books looking for the new textbook she'd bought for English Literature, exploring different psychological interpretations of particular classics. Upon finding she'd not brought it with her, Bella sighed and decided she'd need to find the library's copy.

Bella scouted round the different shelves, looking for the right section. Being new to the school meant she hadn't quite learnt her way around the library.

Bella finally found the correct section, only to find a small pixie girl reaching up to the top shelf to try and pull down the very book Bella needed to finish of her work. She watched her for a few moments, reaching up on her toes, and revealing a small patch of pale-white, silky-smooth skin at the base of her back. Ripe for biting. Bella flushed at the thought.

She scooted over to behind Alice, and reached over and plucked the book down. She wasn't much taller than Alice, but the extra few inches enabled her to stretch and reach the book; much easier than it had been for Alice.

She held the book in her hand when Alice turned to her. Those big, blue eyes were watching Bella warily. Alice's tongue peeked out to toy with her lip ring, moving it back and forth. Both of the girls were frozen for what seemed like a century, but was probably only minutes.

"Here." Bella stretched her hands out towards Alice, with the book firmly encased by her fingers.

Alice's hands moved out, tentatively, to retrieve the book from Bella, all the while, watching her with doubt and mistrust. It was hard to see that look from Alice, but Bella could understand it, even if she believed she didn't necessarily deserve it entirely, she hadn't helped. She should have been more assertive. She knew the troubles that bullying could cause, and here she'd allowed it to go on right before her, even aided it to an extent.

"Thanks," Alice's voice, barely a whisper.

Bella held onto the book a little longer than necessary, once Alice had it within her grasp. "I'm sorry." Bella ducked her head, rather ashamed of her actions.

Alice didn't say anything, she just continued to watch Bella, her blue eyes never leaving Bella's chocolate gaze. She didn't know what to say, or whether she should speak. Alice gave Bella no indication of her thoughts, feelings or even what her actions would be.

"Are you going to give me the book?"

Bella blushed, realising she was still holding it. She hastily released it, and took a step away from Alice upon seeing the frown covering Alice's features.

"Sorry."

Alice nodded her head ever so slightly, and twisted away.

"I better go."

Then she was gone, before Bella could even say hi. She just kept staring at the space Alice had stood in moments ago. That was the closest the two girls had been since the very first day they'd started talking.

Could Bella call it progress? She wasn't quite sure. After all, only hours before, Alice had been mocking her. What had changed? If anything had changed, or maybe there had never been anything to change …

Slowly Bella made her way back over to the table where she'd placed her things, and there sat no other but Rosalie Hale. Bella held in the groan.

"Bella, there you are!" She gave a dazzling smile.

"Indeed." Bella slunk into the seat beside Rose.

"Hiding from me?"

Bella turned to eye Rose warily. "No."

Rose smiles again and reaches out for Bella's hand. She pulls it between her own and gently strokes it, which makes Bella feel highly uncomfortable. She shifts in her seat, while trying not to show her discomfort to Rose.

"I've missed you this week, Bella."

"But I've been here." Bella crinkles her eyebrows feeling highly confused by Rose's behaviour. She's barely known her more than a week as it is, and she's acting like Bella's her best friend who has been away for months.

"You haven't, not really. You've been with _her." _Rose's smile turns up in a sneer.

"She hates me!" Bella feels her heart clench sharply at the words coming from her mouth. Alice hates her.

_Oh dear! _

"I'm not talking physically, Bella. You've been mooning over the girl. I want you back."

Bella freezes.

_What is this girl playing at? _

"Rose, I think you're a little confused."

"What do you mean, Bella? You like me, don't you?"

"Sure."

Before Bella could go on, Rose leans across the table. It's clear that she's attempting to make a pass at Bella who reacts quickly, bringing her hand up to halt Rose.

"Rose!"

Rose looks utterly dejected, but that's quickly replaced by anger.

"Am I not good enough for you?"

"What are you doing?"

"Well I think that's pretty obvious."

"Rose, you don't need to make a pass at me to get me to stay friends with you."

Rose freezes, her eyes wide in horror. She looks around, looking for a quick escape, but Bella grabs her hand and halts her movements.

"Bella!"

"No, Rose. You listen!"

Rose bobs her head.

"You upset me with how you reacted last week, but you're my only friend I have here. I don't want you doing stupid things to try and keep my friendship under the pretence that it's what I want because I want honesty. Not a fake!"

Rose frowns. "I don't do that."

"Really?"

She doesn't reply.

"Exactly. Be yourself for me, Rose, and maybe then, we can actually attempt a friendship. It was starting to form and I don't want to loose it when I believe we can be good friends. High school is fickle enough without all of this drama."

"Come round to mine this weekend? I'm having a party."

Bella has to hold in a sigh. Rose doesn't show emotion, so Bella shouldn't have been surprised when she didn't speak to her about her own little speech. It was obvious that Rose thought kissing Bella would manage to get her onside. If it had been any other situation Bella probably wouldn't have objected to the kiss, but the fact that it was because she thought it was what Bella wanted, and she'd feel like she was being unfaithful to Alice if she kissed her, change the situation.

"Bella!"

"Sorry?"

"I'm having a party on Saturday at my house. I'll pick you up Saturday morning and I can help you pick out an outfit." Rose stood gracefully and hooked her Prada bag onto her arm before leaving the library.

"Guess I have no choice there, —" Bella slumped down onto the desk. "— just great."

* * *

><p>Bella hurried into English, knowing she was slightly late. She'd become distracted in the library, since she'd not been able to further her notes for English without the book, she'd started reading Wuthering Heights, again. She loved the book, but once she began reading, it always became hard for her to put it down.<p>

She burst through the door to her English classroom, cheeks flushed and hair wild. Her teacher looked up with a glance that showed her disapproval.

"I'm sorry I'm late, I got lost —"

"Very well, Miss Swan. Take you seat, quickly!"

Bella hurried through the rows — dodging a wandering hand of a jock that had moved out in an attempt to pinch her butt — before she ducked down into her seat. She was breathing heavily by this point, not used to the extreme exercise and was frantic when pulling out her books and pens to write with.

"If everybody is here —" Mrs. Lambert turned to look at Bella again. "— we'll begin."

Everything was very much a blur for Bella who was still trying to accustom herself and calm down her pulsing heart, after the jog down to the classroom. She heard the words "pairs" and "project" but little else fully sank in.

"Right, I've arranged the pairings for the project." Mrs. Lambert picked up a sheet of paper, and began to reel names off.

"Isabella and Alice."

"But, Mrs. Lambert!" Alice shot straight out of her seat in protest, despite only moments ago she'd been slumped down, and had looked entirely indifferent.

"Miss Brandon. Sit down!"

Alice grumbled, but complied.

"My word is law, you will work in the pairings I have given you. I expect you to co-operate fully, and I expect excellent results, especially from you two!" She pointed straight at Alice and Bella.

When Alice made another movement of protest, Mrs. Lambert cut her off.

"If you have a problem with your chosen partner, you may speak to me in _private, _and give me a detailed breakdown of why you are incapable of working with them."

Alice slumped entirely defeated back into her chair. Mrs. Lambert drifted around the classroom to hand each pair their assignment, while eyeing Bella and Alice warily.

"Alice." Bella nudged her arm gently.

"What?"

"Are you going to even talk to me? We do have to work together."

"Doesn't mean I have to speak to you."

"That's preposterous. What are you going to do, mime?"

"No. I have personal issues with your backstabbing personality."

Bella gasped. "I apologised."

"You think saying sorry makes this all better, like putting a pretty band aid on a cut makes you pretend it's not even there!"

"No. I didn't know what else to do."

"Ditch your cronies."

"I can't."

Alice scoffed. "Scared of losing your popularity?"

"Never."

"Really. I'm sure the change of social standing would hit you harder than you think."

"I've been at the bottom of the food chain, I know the feeling. I just don't know why you're being so difficult!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. I was the freaky bible woman's daughter. Happy?"

Alice opened her mouth to speak but found her retort disappearing before she could speak.

"Not really."

"Me either." Bella shrugged.

Neither girl spoke for what seemed a very long time.

"Isabella, Alice. I suggest you start planning your project or you shall be left to work on it entirely in your own time." Mrs. Lambert watched them like a hawk from her position behind her desk.

"Yes, Mrs. Lambert." Bella pulled out some paper and began heading it up with the date and project title.

"Can we at least be civil for this project and then you can go back to hating me, okay?" Bella held up her hand.

"I don't hate you." It wasn't a solid answer for Bella, but she took it as an affirmative and when Alice began jotting down ideas on her paper, she pulled out her books to aid them.

Between the two girls, they managed to brainstorm the start of their project which was looking at the psychological exploration of Kathy and Heathcliffe's love. It was something Bella had a real passion about, which was probably why she allowed herself to be swept up into the moment with Alice, and forget about their conflict.

"You know, conflict is part of dramatic structure writers use to aid the tragedy genre."

Bella eyed Alice appreciatively. "I did. There are three types to it: emotional, physical and verbal."

Alice nodded mutely. For the two girls this particular type of dramatic structure represented irony for their relationship because despite there being no great tragedy, there was lots of conflict.

"We're going to have to meet up and finish this off at home."

Alice looked up quickly at Bella. "Umm ..."

One could say she looked nervous.

"We can work at your house, or if you prefer, mine?"

"Not mine!" Alice looked horrified at the thought.

"Okay. We can work at mine."

"I won't be able to stay late, my d-dad doesn't like me out late."

"No worries, we can break it down over several sessions. We have several weeks to work on it, and we can each do parts on our own. It'll break down the work load even more if we split things up to get back to each other with."

Alice nodded mutely, whilst she held a haunted look that made Bella shiver. She looked petrified.

"Are you alright?" Bella reached out to touch Alice's arm gently. She jumped in fright. Her eyes flickered around the room whilst her breathing came in short, sharp pants, until her eyes rested on Bella.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look it."

"I'm fine." Alice drew her arm away from Bella's touch.

Neither girl spoke again for the rest of the lesson. The bell signifying the end of the day rang, and Bella turned to Alice as she packed up her books.

"Do you want to come over to mine for a while to finalise some of our project?"

Alice glanced hesitantly at her watch and back at Bella. Her eyes were wary and guarded.

"I'm not going to hurt you."

Alice snorted. "I don't really trust you, but I guess I have no choice."

"Girls, can I speak with you a moment?" Mrs. Lambert's voice broke through the bubble Alice and Bella had been building around themselves. Once again they'd managed to block out the world and forget their differences and the troubles that had occurred between them.

Alice wasn't entirely sure as to why she was allowing herself to slip into a camaraderie again with Bella after the incident in the lunch room, but there was something about Bella that was irresistible and undeniable. Bella had an aura that meant it was hard to be mad at her, never mind hate her. If Alice wasn't so scared, she'd say that she liked Bella. She just couldn't afford another chance at what she'd first allowed. Especially not after her stunt last week.

"Sure. Mrs. Lambert."

Both of the girls moved to the front, before her desk.

"Is there a problem between you two? I've noticed a certain amount of hostility which I don't like to see in my classroom, especially between my two best students."

Bella felt her cheeks heat up at the praise. She'd only been there a week and the teacher was already singing her praises.

"We're fine."

Bella eyed Alice closely, looking for any signs of deceit but she found none. It helped her to relax marginally.

Mrs. Lambert beamed. "Great. Have a good weekend girls!"

Bella and Alice hurried out and began laughing as they ran from school.

"Do you want a lift to my house or do you have your own car?"

"I thought you rode with Rose?"

"Umm … my dad bought me a truck. So I decided to not ride with Rose today. I don't want to impose on her all the time."

"Sure." Alice smiled.

The two girls made there way over to Bella's truck.

"Whoa! That's a beast of a truck."

"Yeah." Bella quickly yanked open the driver side and hopped into the cab, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Alice quickly followed suit and hopped into the cab. She kept a fair distance between her and Bella. Already feeling like she was jumping too far into a never ending cycle of horror.

* * *

><p>"That's fantastic, Alice!" Bella laughed with exuberance. She felt so happy in this moment with Alice.<p>

"Thanks."

Bella watched Alice closely while she blushed.

"Bella!"

"What?"

"You're staring at me."

"Oh, sorry." Bella ducked her head to hide beneath her hair.

"Don't worry about it."

Bella lifted her head to watch Alice pop a sweet into her mouth. Bella had raided the cupboards for snacks and drinks, and Alice had more than scarfed them down for somebody so small. She seemed to suck on this sweet with particular fever. Bella watched as her lips wrapped around the sweet and how her cheeks hollowed when she sucked. It was a beautiful sight.

Bella felt a strange tingling sensation in her lower stomach start to form while she watched Alice. Unconsciously she found that she'd been leaning forwards towards Alice, who cleared her throat to break Bella from her trance.

"Right. Do you want to look at Heathcliffe?"

"Sure. You can do Kathy."

Alice chuckled evilly. Bella groaned.

"She a spiteful bitch."

"Bit like Rose."

Bella froze, and Alice gawked.

Then Bella burst out laughing, breaking the tension that had built between the two. Alice leaned over to clutch Bella's hand while she laughed too. Bella held onto Alice with equal fever and the two girls rolled with laughter so much that the tears streamed down their faces.

"I-I can't believe you said that!"

"Me either."

Bella twisted Alice's hand around, and that's when she noticed the scars across her wrist. She instantly sobered and pulled it closer for inspection.

"Alice?"

Alice looked down and began to panic.

"It's nothing." She tried to pull away her arm from Bella, but Bella's grip was too firm.

"What's this?"

"What do you think it is!"

"Alice." Bella looked up with tear filled eyes — not happy ones this time. She was hurting herself. When she attempted to pull Alice closer, she pulled away.

"Don't, Bella!"

"No, Alice, you don't."

"Bella," Alice whined.

"I like you, Alice, a lot!"

Alice froze. When her eyes found the clock, she began to hyperventilate.

"I need to go." She yanked her arm from Bella's grip with a force that surprised them both. Then she grabbed her books and bag, and fled from Bella's house like a bat out of hell.

Bella was in shock, still in the same position with her hand clutching out in the spot where Alice had just been.

She dropped her hand and turned to the table, feeling rather lost. That's when she noticed a book that wasn't hers. She slowly reached over and picked it up. She flipped it open to find numerous different drawings, and there on the first page was a beautiful drawing of herself.

Why was Alice Brandon drawing her? What was the secret behind Alice Brandon? And why was she so elusively endearing?

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own Twilight, nor any of it's characters!

A/N: **Merry Christmas** to everyone! This will most likely be my last update before Christmas, and I'm not sure when I'll update again, but I hope you all have a fabulous Christmas!

**60 reviews, thank you soo much! **I love each and every one, they mean an awful lot to me!

Update: **2 – 4 weeks**. (I'm very busy, but this story is a priority.)

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Nerdette! x


	10. A Spoiled Brat's Party

***^* The Loveless Lives *^* ~ Nerdette Love**

**Chapter Nine: **A Spoiled Brat's Party

**Dedicated to: **Villemo79

It's the Saturday morning of Rosalie's party and most girls in Forks are preening themselves and becoming excited over the possibility of hooking up with some new guy in one of Rose's many spare rooms. When one of the inhabitants of Forks gets an invite to the Hale household it is highly valued whether it's an invite to one of Rose's parties or her parents, they do everything to make sure they are there. Parties at the Hale household allow you to be recognised as a "somebody" within society.

However one girl within Forks with such an invitation was neither preening herself or filled with glee, she was in fact dreading the whole event. Rosalie was going to do something drastic and Bella could feel it deep in her bones. She hadn't spoken to Alice since she'd fled from her living room; that was when she'd found the healing scars on her arms, which resembled cut marks. This was shortly after Bella had admitted her feelings and she'd felt a relief at doing so, but then she'd never thought about the consequences of her words. It's always hard to understand if somebody knows whether you're actually a lesbian or straight, there are very little outer signals in some people to indicate their sexual preferences, but with Bella it was more so that other people. Bella chose to supress most of her sexual desires and preferences mainly because of the trouble with her mother.

Her mother: she was an unpredictable person at best, but since leaving Bella's dad she had thrown herself full heartedly into religion. Religion had become her solace and for some reason she'd become determined to inflict it upon her daughter too, preaching passages of the bible and the sins of her life. She didn't understand how it had all come to pass with her mother; for the turning around of her life to something new and so drastic. Bella couldn't fathom such a thing.

Religion is not something she ever attempted to understand and left it as the complex following she'd always seen it as. Faith to her was something impossible to believe in, which chaffed against her mother's attitude.

Nobody was around to watch as Bella sighed before the mirror and turned to stare at the bedraggled looking clothes that were spread across her bed. It wasn't entirely true to say her appearance didn't matter to her, because most people like to look nice and Bella was one of those people. That didn't mean she'd spend hours at a time pampering herself and beautifying the framework that already existed. These clothes before Bella could never suffice to the standards of Rosalie's every day wear, never mind a party of hers. Everybody would be accompanied by a designer piece of gear: clothes, shoes, bags, earrings, and anything that could consist to be designer would be worn at Rose's party.

The only item Bella owned that could even be inferred as designer were her converse and unless they spouted six inch heels and sparkly glitter on them, they would never be party shoes.

"Damn it!" Bella slumped down into her chair and glared at the image the mirror returned of herself.

"What are you looking at?" she muttered. The mirror image of herself mimicked the movement of her mouth.

She huffed and leaned backwards, realising the chair wasn't really a chair, but a stool. She tumbled backwards and over the edge of the seat where she landed in a pile of tangled, uncomfortable limbs on the floor. Her body was sore in several places where she'd hit the wooden flooring or where an elbow or another pointy limb had been unfortunate enough to stab into her own body.

A groan was emitted from deep within Bella as she lay on the floor. The front door bell chose that rather inopportune moment to ring. Although one couldn't say it was the actual doorbell that chose to ring, for the doorbell is an inanimate object, but somebody chose to ring the doorbell, which meant Bella was forced to her feet. She stumbled, grumbled, and whined as she made her way from the bedroom all the while cradling her battered body.

"I'm coming!" Her voice little higher than a sickened croak now as the bell rang for a third time. Each time the ring rung a more increasing sense of alarm came along with it.

"Bella, open this door! I'm freezing my tits off out here!"

Bella shook her head at Rose's crudeness. She had only recently taken to being so brazen around Bella, and she believed this was due to her. Rose changed her attitude and appearance to whomever she chose to be around. For Bella sometimes she allowed a moment of vulnerability, but then she would be thrusting her way into every nook and cranny of her life. Rose liked to be the centre of attention, but with Bella it was something entirely different. She wanted to be Bella's only focus in life. One can always ponder what it would be like to be the sole purpose and attention of somebodies life.

Bella quickly made her way down the few steps to the door, which Rose was insistently banging on. _Guess she's given up on the doorbell. _ Was there really such a need? Bella felt entirely disgruntled by Rosalie and this was not going to bode well. One could question why Bella chose still to be friends with Rosalie or even try to understand why, but Bella didn't know herself. The only way she could come to describe the relationship was one of mutual agreement and need. Rosalie needed Bella as much as Bella depended on Rosalie. It wasn't a relationship clear to first glance and with many underlying complications between the pair, but on a fundamental level they could mesh well.

Bella swung open the door to the house just as Rosalie went to hammer against it again. Nobody but Bella was there to notice Rose tumble through the door and fall to the wooden flooring, where he limbs sprawled out in every direction.

"Shit!" she groaned on the floor.

Bella could not hold in her laughter and it bubbled up from inside of her. It came in waves, and she began to giggle uncontrollably. She grasped her sides hard in her hands and bent at the waist while the door was still open. Rose twisted her head around to view Bella with a disgruntled look. "Don't laugh." She pouted like a petulant child.

"I can't … help it." Bella slid back against the door and shut it with a click. She slowly pulled herself together and managed to calm her breathing, after the fit of laughter had left her short of breath.

"Do you care to help me up?"

Bella glanced down at Rose and contemplated giving her a nearly truthful answer of "not really" but to be more polite and prevent an awkward air settling between them, Bella proffered her hand and dragged Rose to her feet.

True to Rosalie's nature she didn't give Bella thanks, merely dusted herself down and pulled her bag securely onto her arm. She took the moment to evaluate Bella's appearance.

"You. Are. Not. Wearing. That. Dead. Or. Alive. To. My. Party!"

Bella rolled her eyes and sighed. "Of course I'm not."

"Don't get bitchy, Bella." Rose slung her Gucci bag onto the table dresser and marched off up to Bella's room without an invite. Following behind her was Bella with a slow, trudging step; it would be obvious to anybody viewing the situation that Bella was not thrilled with the prospects to come.

"Bella, move your ass!"

"It's not really moving, more wobbling."

Rosalie huffed at the petulant nature that was becoming Bella. "You're spending too much time with Alice it's having a negative effect on your aura."

Upon entering her room Bella nearly went into shock, her entire range of clothing had already been tipped out across the bed, the floor, and anywhere it could be seen.

"Sure it is. What have you done to my room?"

"I wanted a clear view of your clothes. It's a dire situation. None of this is suitable, we need to go shopping."

"I—"

"Shush, Bella. I will pay."

For Bella's "best friend" to assume she can't pay for her own clothes was highly discomforting. Rosalie might have been a daughter of small town multi-millionaires, but Bella could pay for her own clothes of equal standards if she so wished. Maybe she wouldn't have reached the abundance Rosalie had, but she could afford them. She chose rather to spend her money on such things as books or equally useful things rather than clothes.

"I can pay." Bella's voice was no higher than a whisper after Rosalie's abrasive nature. Rose didn't hear. She was ignorant, not in the sense of being uneducated or stupid, but she was ignorant to people around, to their feelings and places socially. Rosalie was only aware of her own standing and became so wrapped up in her own life that nobody else mattered. Bella could not blame her, she could see her parents neglected her, and she was an only child and left alone a lot. It was hard not to see her growing up in such a mind-set when money was thrust at her instead of love. It may not be the same for every individual, but Rosalie had a nature that required attention, and if it were not the love she'd gained as a child, she'd been given money which had equally moulded her nature. How one such of Rosalie's temperament could have been averted if for the proper parenting skills.

Bella contemplated if that was why she couldn't bring herself to pull away from Rosalie because she provided a comfort and love that Rose wasn't accustomed to. Bella was something Rosalie had craved all her life, and she had it now, she didn't know how to react to it. Ultimately Bella felt deep sympathy for Rosalie's life. She didn't know the extent of her life and how her parents acted once in her presence, but it was plain for her to see that she had been damaged in a rather irreversible way. She'd been allowed to splurge on expenses wide and far; a spoiled brat could be a fitting word for when one described Rosalie Hale.

* * *

><p>"I adore it, Bella, you look amazing! You'll pull everybody tonight."<p>

Bella felt uncomfortable in the too tight dress that was far too short for her liking. It looked nice, she wouldn't disagree with Rosalie but it pushed her far from being comfortable.

"I don't want to pull everyone."

"Oh I know about your little "Alice crush", but there are plenty of other eligible, suitable girls at Forks high that would totally swing for you!"

"Rose!" Bella shot her daggers. How could she be so seemingly comfortable talking about this out in the open for anybody to hear?

"Damn, Bella, anybody would think I'm the lesbian with the way you're behaving. It's perfectly fine to express your interests."

"I don't care! I prefer my private life to be my own and private."

"We're totally getting this dress!" Rose thrust Bella back into the changing room, ignoring every word she'd said.

Bella came out after removing the dress not even daring to look at the price tag when Rose flounced off to pay. She was incredibly excited by her party; Bella had never seen her in such a state. What had excited her in such a way?

"Bella! Let's get some lunch." Rose looped her arm through Bella's and was dragging her from the shop before it had even registered in Bella's mind that Rosalie had reappeared.

"I'll pay."

"Sure you won't."

Bella eyed Rosalie warily by her absurd behaviour. She'd been spending extreme amounts of cash, was incredibly happy and emitting a sense of insane bordering on dangerous. When Bella took in Rose's actual appearance she looked scary with her large eyes and rather drawn, pale face.

"Stop staring at me, Bella, it's creeping me out."

"Sorry." Bella couldn't bring herself to be so upbeat at the moment because something was beating at her insides. It was telling her something was off with Rose—disturbed even. Then there was Alice … Forks was just a place of total disruption in itself. Forks wasn't bringing the inner peace Bella had hoped for, or at least not just yet.

* * *

><p>"Bella?"<p>

"Yes, Rose."

"I want you to stop being friends with Alice."

Bella stops mid-motion as she's combing her hair. She twists her head around to glance at Rose. Her brows crush together due to the trouble she senses brewing.

"I can't do that, Rose." Bella returned to the motions of raking the brush through her hair to pull out the knots that had formed throughout the day of shopping, so she could pull it up for the party.

"Then I'll have to do something drastic."

"Sure, Rose." Bella nodded absent-mindedly.

"I'll tell everyone you're a lesbian."

One might recognise the sensation when they feel like they've been stabbed in the back or they've had their heart wrenched from their body in a bitter, cruel manner. Bella found it hard to take in air and allow her lungs to expand because she was in such a state of shock.

"I don't want to do that, Bella—" Rose moved close to Bella and touched her shoulder with the tenderness of a friend, despite the words spewing from her mouth. "—I just want to protect you. If that means I have to upset you in the process I'll do it."

Deep within herself, Bella could feel the anger bubbling up inside. Her stomach was clenching and gurgling, and every thought in her head was to flinch away from Rosalie's touch and pummel her into the ground.

_Friend? What type of friend is she? _

Her mind was shrieking at her and Bella dropped the brush from the slack grip of her hand.

"How can you be like this, Rose? I thought we'd moved past this."

Rose attempted to pull Bella's ridged body against her own, but she wouldn't budge. It was as though somebody had made a mould of Bella from stone, she was immovable.

"No, Bella, I want to protect you. Don't be like this."

"Like this? How can I not, Rose, you're trying to destroy the one good thing in my life for selfish reasons!"

Rose shied away then. She moved to the door and twisted the lock before stalking back to Bella. A transformation had occurred in Rosalie and her whole stature had changed to one of authority. Despite the appearance of anger and craziness Rose redirected her path to the bed and dropped down onto the comforter where she folded into herself.

Bella shifts uncomfortably at Rose's odd behaviour. She couldn't bear for people to know about her sexual preference, it would destroy the little self-confidence she'd started to build. With a heavy sigh, Bella flopped onto the bed beside Rosalie.

Rose turned her head to view Bella. "You're going to leave me for her. You already think I'm a horrible person."

"I don't th—"

"Don't lie, Bella!"

Her mouth shut closed of its own accord and she eyed Rose warily.

"I'm tired, Bella." It was the first true admission from within Rose that Bella had ever heard. "I can't allow you to go because people won't respect me anymore if I allow you to go with Alice, I'll lose that. I can't lose my popularity."

"Do you know how selfish that is, Rose?"

"I'm a selfish creature. Let me do your hair, Bella." Rose was already up on her feet and smiling as her bi-polar nature predicted.

For anybody that truly unravelled the first layer of Rosalie Hale, it was a wonder they'd even stayed because she was rude, abrasive, cruel, clingy, and irrational. That was only the first layer of Rosalie Hale, but Bella knows beneath that is something else. That something else she isn't entirely sure on yet, but she doesn't think it's good, as every day passed Rose becomes more and more unpredictable in her behaviour.

Bella sat down in the chair while Rose ran the brush through her hair, but her thoughts no longer resided on Rose—she wouldn't allow her to consume her existence—they were centred on none other than Alice Brandon.

The little lip ring that resided in her lower lip, and made it look more rosy red where it rubbed against. They were the kind of lips that looked so kissable, and her nose was small enough that it most likely wouldn't bash against your own. No matter how much Bella had dreamt of kissing a girl, thought about the sensation, the idea of kissing Alice, she'd never actually kissed somebody. Bella was a virgin in every sense. She'd made an attempt to kiss the back of her hand once or twice, but really, she couldn't say she felt comfortable or normal doing that. She was eighteen years of age and had not even had her first kiss. She felt out of place because she assumed most of her classmates would be over a hundred kisses by now and several sexual partners. What about Rose? Where was she?

Who knew, but it didn't stop her from fantasying about Alice. Everything about Alice. She wondered about how her skin would feel when it brushed against her own naked skin; not just her hand, her whole body. How big were her breasts? They looked perky and round from the outside, but beneath the layers of clothes what would they feel like? Were Bella's normal in comparison? She dared not think about lower down and what treasures she could find there. She doubted whether things would be the same, and if she ever got to that stage beneath the clothes would she know what to do, to say?

What was the etiquette? What looked right? What wasn't acceptable?

These thoughts troubled Bella so much that at times she would find herself sleepless and tormented. What was a normal teenage girl? Did everybody have doubts about their body?

Her stomach may be fairly flat, her breasts may be round and of a decent size, but there was always a doubt in the back of her mind.

However this doesn't diffuse the fact that Bella was eager to touch Alice. She wanted to run her hands over that lean, taut body and experience the pleasure of the soft skin and how she supposed the muscles would clench beneath her hand. Would the skin be a little flabby? She didn't care if it was! Would Alice welcome her touch if they ever reached such a stage between them? Touching Alice was no longer a craving, it was a compulsion. She'd already been drawn to admit her feelings, but how far could she go?

If she was prepared to chase Alice why shouldn't she allow Rose to out her to the world? It was for her to admit, that's why; she couldn't give this duty to anybody else for fear she'd never be ready. Still that didn't ever stop one from thinking about Alice and all the possibilities of things that could be done and with Alice.

"Bella, all done. Bella!" Rose huffed in exasperation due to Bella being off in her own little world.

She was smiling dazedly into the mirror when Rose walked away to drag her outfit from the wardrobe where she'd stored it earlier.

"Get dressed." Rose threw the garment bag across Bella's knee and left to change herself. If one looked they would notice how she was careful not to dislodge Bella's hair or makeup when throwing the bag.

Robotic movements could be the only description for Bella's actions as she stood and dressed. She was still wrapped entirely up in her head and little world of Alice; nothing would pull her from her thoughts now, not even the consistent, irritating nagging of Rosalie.

* * *

><p>The music was in full blast as bodies gyrated, bumped, dry-humped, and grinded against each other. Rosalie was nowhere in sight, she'd left Bella alone and had drifted into the merge of bodies. It was about half-way through the evening that this had occurred, when the door had opened and a new figure had entered. This being the first moment of the night that Rose had shown any of her earlier enthusiasm. Bella had wondered how she'd even managed to wager this party out of her parents; one couldn't ever imagine Charlie Swan, Chief of Forks Police allowing a party of teenagers drinking and making out into his house.<p>

_Despicable._

Renee's voice weaved in and out of Bella's mind at the vision before her. Not caring any longer to feel like a lost soul, Bella slipped from the room and trailed of upstairs in search of a quiet, empty room—preferably one that wasn't a bedroom. At last Bella stumbled across an office that looked pristine, masculine, and hardly used. She slid inside and quickly locked the door.

One might say it was wrong to snoop in somebody else's house, but Bella didn't see it as that, she was moving away from the crowd of people she disliked to somewhere she could feel more comfortable. Unconsciously Bella was drawn to the desk and the big draw. Unlike most houses where families had offices there were no photos of wives, children or pets, none of the family whatsoever. Not a single thing bar the mac, keyboard, and mouse littered the desktop. It was pristine precision. Obviously the person whose office this was cared not for rubbish, Bella therefore assumed it was Michael Hale's, Rosalie's dad, for surely her mother Esme would not have such an impersonal space.

Why would parents not wish to be reminded of their offspring?

Bella couldn't fathom such an idea for she had always been loved by her parents despite their jobs or religious beliefs.

Somebody outside bumped against the door and tried the handle. From inside a giggle, hitched breathing, and gasps could be heard and therefore it was safe to assume that outside was a horny couple of teenagers looking for a room to consummate their alcohol induced desires.

Bella settled into the desk chair and curled up, whilst attempting to block out the music from downstairs and think about Alice: she always drove away bad thoughts.

This time when a bump came against the door, it was the second door that Bella had not thought to lock. Only when the door opened it was not a horny couple, but a youngish guy with curly, blond hair and dimples. He was smiling and pulling at his shirt. Bella felt like a deer caught in the headlights.

She didn't know how to react so she remained still. Eventually the intruder's eyes swung around to her, and he eyed her with suspicion.

"What are you doing in Rosie's dad's office?"

Bella opened her mouth and closed it when nothing came out. How could she explain her desire for peace and quiet … why should she have to?

"The question is why are you, who are you?"

He narrowed his eyes at her but then shrugged and dropped onto the couch. "Rosie told me to come up here, and that I was to wait for my surprise. I didn't think she was into the whole kinky threesome."

Bella practically fell out of her chair at what he said. "What?"

"Is that not why you're here?"

"God no!"

"Oh sorry, it's an easy mistake to make really."

Was that really such an easy mistake to make? Bella didn't think so, but with people around here you could never really be sure.

"I best go."

"You sure, I don't mind you staying." The intruder grinned at Bella but it only seemed friendly. Even so, she didn't want to explain to Rose her presence.

"I want to get back to the party. I've had my little escape of cooling down."

He laughed hard. "It is pretty intense down there. I'm sure a pretty, little thing like you has every guy pawing at you. If you have any too eager guys, just let me know, I don't mind straightening them out." He cracked his knuckles to emphasise his point and winked at Bella.

Her skin heated up with a furious blush at his insinuations and calling her a "pretty, little thing". She'd never been called that before. Once she was stood she made her way over to the door and quickly unlocked it.

"I'll catch you around, sugar-plum."

"I-I … sure." Bella ducked out of the room and fled to the bulk of the party and the group of teenage sweat soaked bodies. A place she never thought she'd find herself going to as a haven.

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own Twilight or any of its characters!

**A/N**: I have a **profuse apology** for not updating since before the Christmas period, but Christmas was beyond busy, I got a new laptop and I've been adapting to that and exchanging everything across, slowly, while trying to adapt from Open Office to Word has been extremely difficult.

I however have not been unproductive in this time. The rest of the **story is properly planned** and down ready to be written out, there will be around** 35 chapters and an epilogue**. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Thanks for staying with me. I sincerely **appreciate every SINGLE** **review** I receive. **Thank you!**

**Updates: 1 – 2 weeks**. (We're back to being on track again).

Hope you had a fantastic Christmas, and Happy New Year. (Late I know.)

**Hope you'll leave me a review!**

Nerdette!


	11. The Best Intentions

***^* The Loveless Lives *^* ~ Nerdette Love**

**Chapter Ten: **The Best Intentions

**Dedicated to: **Villemo79

It was early Monday morning when nobody was really around, much of the student population still in bed after a weekend of partying—mostly in secret. There were very few teachers around except the most reliable ones in the school. It was like a haunted town. There was however, one young girl that hurried through the halls with her hair flying wildly, her bag flapping as she clutched her books to her chest, and tried not to trip over her feet.

She made her way to the one place she'd learnt quickly in her few days at the school, Mrs. Lambert's classroom. She was moving on a pure hunch that the greying, friendly teacher would be in out of her dedication to the school and its pupils. She was right. There sat Mrs. Lambert at her desk shifting through papers with wiry-rimmed glasses perched on the end of her nose. She pushed them up with one finger, and like she knew there was somebody expecting her, she called out, "Come in, Isabella."

She was stunned for a moment because without knocking Mrs. Lambert had recognised her presence and she'd known it was her in particular. It was frightfully scary. She pushed open the door.

"I have been a teacher all my life, Isabella, we adapt to these ways and knowledge that our students need us, or at least the good teachers do."

Bella could not prevent the chuckle from passing through her lips at Mrs. Lambert's dig at the other teaching staff. She was right off course because many of them did not stand up to the sufficient standards that Mrs. Lambert did. She was a rare shiny star in the endless sky of dull, dying ones.

"What do you require from me today, Isabella? I take that from calling at such an early hour in the morning it is not a simple matter?"

"No."

"Then by all means, drag up a seat and get comfortable." Mrs. Lambert sat back in her chair and pushed aside the papers she was marking while removing her glasses. The atmosphere seemed to change with that motion; it went from less teacher and student, closer to student and advisor. Mrs. Lambert was a woman one could feel comfortable and relaxed with because she exuded the air of a caring mother. Not many teachers could be said to be as caring and calming as she, but it was a refreshing change.

Carefully Bella seated herself opposite Mrs. Lambert and dropped her bags, books and remaining clutter onto the ground. She felt like a freshman all over again with the amount of paraphernalia she was carrying.

"Bella, what is it you wish to discuss with me?"

Mrs. Lambert took in how Bella braced herself and became a little more ridged and then relaxed again. It was all silent for several moments. When she took in several calming breathes she looked up to make eye contact with her.

"I want to talk about Alice."

_Alice, Alice, who the fuck is Alice. _

A little voice danced at the back of Bella's mind from a little phrase she'd heard many times, but this being the first it had come to crop up when thinking of Alice.

Oh, Alice.

"Go ahead, Isabella." Mrs. Lambert watched her carefully and sat forward in her seat, now much more concerned about what was to be voiced. Alice Brandon had always been a student she held great concern for her, and Bella's demure worried her even more.

"I think Alice is hurting herself or somebody is hurting her."

Mrs. Lambert remained silent for quite a while as she contemplated Bella's words. Her brows furrowed close together and she sank back into her seat, while twisting her hands together in a nervous gesture. It seemed that all her worst fears were hitting her with a blunt force at once. In a gesture unlike her usually unruffled, cool manner—unless the uncouth jocks or a late student had interrupted her teaching—she didn't show much of a reaction to news delivered from students. However this news wasn't like other news. This was news that Mrs. Lambert had been dreading hearing from another student or Alice herself since the very day she took her concerns to the principal.

Whilst Mrs. Lambert contemplated her best approach to the delicate information from Bella, the girl shifted in her seat and twisted the ends of her hair between her fingers.

"I see." Mrs. Lambert finally dropped forward so she was leaning across her desk again.

Bella didn't show any reaction or acknowledgment to Mrs. Lambert's admission, but patiently awaited further confirmation or aid from her.

When Mrs. Lambert realised Bella wasn't about to speak she dropped her eyes down to the desk and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but there is little I can actually do without physical evidence before my eyes."

Bella drew in a sharp breath and pushed herself up from her chair so quickly it clattered backwards nosily onto the floor.

"What?"

"Sit down please, Isabella."

"No."

"Isabella, there is no need to be rude! I understand your frustrations for I share them."

"If you share them so much, and if they weigh on your conscience how can you carry on and do nothing?"

"Bella, sit down! I am trying to be reasonable and have a conversation, but if you proceed to rant and rave in my face our conversation will no longer be under relaxed circumstances and I shall ask you to leave. I will not subject myself to such treatment no matter how much I care for Alice."

Immediately Bella dropped down heavily into her seat, which she'd quickly scrambled to pick up. Mrs. Lambert's smile held a kindness to it, and she could see her beginning to fluster as her skin tinged red.

"I have spoken to the principle on numerous occasions, but he isn't interested unless I have physical proof. My hands are tied, Bella. You must realise how much I hate to tell you this! Unless I can find evidence through justifiable means or Alice talks to me personally about her troubles, I cannot do anything."

Bella slumped in her seat dejectedly hating the system of the school. "If I found evidence could you use that?"

Mrs. Lambert's lips twisted into a frown. "It depends where and how you acquire this information, but if it were to slip into my hands without the knowledge of the source I could use it."

An uncharacteristic smirk crossed Bella's faced. How it could be justifiable from an anonymous source and when a student who truly cared found their own method of proof it would be discounted. It was incredibly frustrating! Mrs. Lambert pulled back her pile of books to mark and removed the lid of the pen before tapping it against her hand which indicated to Bella her time had drawn to a close.

"Thank you, Mrs. Lambert."

"You're welcome, dear."

Bella didn't feel like she had a need for her to say thank you because Mrs. Lambert hadn't been of a great deal of help. She'd only emphasised how the high school system failed to help its pupils.

Mrs. Lambert—or Josie as she was known to her friend—dropped her pen and allowed her head to fall into her hands that were palm up in the air—almost waiting. She'd be a huge fail in supporting Bella when she'd come to her with a genuine concern and she wasn't sure how she could rectify it. She had no right to come around to Alice's house and demand answers; she could do nothing but quietly question Alice. She was helpless and only now she felt more so than she had before.

In a moment of anger Josie pushed over the pupil's books that were waiting to be marked and watched with deep satisfaction as they cascaded down across the floor. This was something she had control over, she could cause them to fall, pick them up and re-arrange them. However there was always the factors she couldn't control such as how far they would fall or in what direction, she may be able to affect it but she couldn't control it. This only proved to Josie that she had little control over anything in life.

After her momentary anger passed, Josie felt entirely foolish over her actions. She pulled herself up and felt all her decrepit years with her aching bones and wrinkling skin.

She had been in teaching for a rather long time now. Predominantly her time had been spent at Forks High where she'd moved shortly after graduating from the University of Washington. She'd moved once to Chicago in her time for several years and found it not to her liking and had been easily accepted back into the folds of Forks. The life in Forks was quiet and everybody was familiar with each other. Although by the time of her return many of the older teachers had been replaced by new, bright, enthusiastic teachers much like her early self. She was then amongst the older teachers, and that being at 28.

She'd met her husband that year upon her return to Forks. He'd been young and full of joy like her, and they'd connected in Port Angeles in a book store they both frequented often. Things had proceeded to escalate from their and two years later they had found themselves happily married. Children had come and grown up before moving on to their own lives. They still chose to visit, but it became less and less when they started having their own families. It was a reason why Josie had taken to throwing herself into teaching more and connecting with the youth. She wanted to retain a sense of her family and the children that had grown up in her motherly care.

One student in particular to Josie who had always stood out to her was Alice Brandon. From the moment she'd first started teaching her as a freshman; Josie sensed a missing link almost in the girl. Alice had lost her mother and the evidence of a lack of motherly influence was clear, but it wouldn't have been too drastic if Josie had been able to see any parental influence or care. Despite most of her pupils being of an age where their parents are left behind, it's easier to tell those that have a close family and interact to those who don't.

Rosalie Hale was another. She'd never had much interaction with the girl because she'd dropped her class after freshman year or moved to another teacher, she wasn't entirely sure, but Rose was like Alice. They were two peas in a pod. They had the missing link. This may be true, but it would be obvious to anybody observing the pair the polar opposites of their nature which should have attracted them. Instead there was something wedged between them, stopping the friendship they had and required to live a fulfilling life.

Josie didn't know this and very few people did. In fact most of the population of Forks had forgotten how close Alice and Rose had been. Those that did remember were frequently reminded by Rose that Alice could not be trusted because she betrayed people. The one thing people never thought to question was, "what was the betrayal?" It was entirely a genius psychological play Rose had placed on people for she had perfected the art of deflecting their questions about Alice and her with an answer that satisfied.

One person it didn't satisfy was Bella Swan because she was determined to solve the problem with the only two people she'd connected with properly at Forks whether it killed her or not. She now felt like this was her fate and destiny. She may not follow her mother's ideal of divine interference, but she could believe she had a job and a fate to fulfil in being dragged to Forks.

* * *

><p>By the end of the day Bella was more and more anxious over Alice not having made an appearance. Her gut clenched and twisted into knots of worry and sickness.<p>

_Had she really scared her away on Friday? _

Bella couldn't contemplate this scenario. She would see Alice again because she was falling for that girl. She had a head over heels crush on the girl that was relentless. From her fantasies about her lip ring and her body, to Alice's very functioning mind, everything about Alice fascinated Bella. How could it not?

Bella allowed herself to dawdle outside of her locker, long after class just to see if she could catch a glimpse of Alice running late or out of the school building. She'd hoped that she had merely missed her—this seemed impossible since Bella watched Alice like a lovesick puppy. Bella was fixated on watching Alice—not in a stalker way—but because everything she did captivated her to discover more about Alice. It was also because she was concerned and cared for Alice's wellbeing, which is more than anybody else seemed to do. She waited twenty minutes with no hope of seeing Alice; it was obvious she hadn't come to class today.

She had another reason for waiting for so long. She wanted to wait until Mrs. Cope, the office secretary, had left so she could look Alice up on the computer system. So when most of the school had dwindled down to a sparse student and even sparser teachers, she left in the direction of the office. It could be said to be a bad thing that Forks High didn't protect their student's data very well, but for Bella it was helpful.

Mrs. Cope was old and ageing and had forgotten to log the computer off, so when Bella slid into the vacated swivel chair and sunk down to hide herself from passers-by, she was happy to see this. She moved the mouse around to click on pupils' documents and typed in Alice's name.

She waited patiently for the old computer as it whined and ticked over whilst trying to find the data. A nervous habit of Bella's was to tap her fingers against the desk, and she did this while she waited. Finally results began to appear and change, then Alice's name and details appeared on screen.

Bella had to stop herself doing a little victory dance when the results for Alice appeared. Quickly she searched for a pen and scribbled down the information. She made sure not to pry any further than Alice's address no matter how tempted she was because she felt it would be unfair to her. Another part of Bella wanted to get that information from Alice herself because then it would be accurate and represent the trust between them. Nothing could take away from the reality of trust between two friends, even lovers or better yet, girlfriends. That is something that's irreplaceable and not worth any amount of money!

Bella scurried out of school with Alice's address clutched in her hand, fearful of being seen. She'd been deflecting Rose, whom had still been on a "buzz" after her hit party all day. Bella hadn't seen Rose again after the incident with the guy queering if they were having a threesome. The thought alone made Bella shudder. She was as sexually inexperienced as you could be and she didn't fancy such an introduction. Rose had been persistent and annoying with her over the top friendliness.

Bella slung her bag into the truck cabin and jammed the key in to start up the truck. It stuttered and gurgled—sounding entirely unhealthy—before roaring to life. She quickly flicked the temperamental heater on full blast and pulled out of the car park with a rusty creak.

Instead of going home like she usually would have, Bella decided to take a trip down to see Jacob because she felt like he was the only sane person at the current moment in time in Forks, or La Push—the reservation he lived on. He was a really nice guy and it was an entire shame Bella didn't go for guys because he was the ideal boyfriend that you searched for. Whoever ended up with him would certainly be a lucky girl.

For everyone in a normal, healthy car it took around twenty minutes to travel down to the reservation but it took Bella close to forty with her top speed being around thirty miles an hour, forty if she was really lucky or is she dared.

She clunked to a stop outside of Jacob and Billy's red panelled house. The door was thrown open and Jacob came jogging out, obviously having heard the roar of her truck.

"Damn, Bells! That thing is a beast!" Jacob laughed and smiled broadly as he came around to pull her from the cabin.

He had no notion of personal limits or space. He was a very people person and Bella liked that about him. She liked how he filled up every moment with happiness and light. Jacob is one of those few very easy going people that you cannot help but love being around. Their goodness is infectious.

Bella allowed herself to be dragged from the cabin into Jacob's big bear hug and swung around like a rag doll. His size may have been intimidating at first, but in the several times Bella had been around Jacob, it had come to be reassuring.

"What brought you down here, Bells?" Jacob gently lowered her down to the floor and kicked her door shut.

"Mind my baby!" She stroked the side of her truck where he'd kicked it.

He stuck his tongue out childishly and she mimicked him.

After the playful banter was over, Bella grew serious and huddled in on herself slightly. "I need somebody to talk to."

He nodded his head solemnly, before grinning. "I'm the perfect guy." He swept her up in his arms and threw her over his shoulder before racing into the cabin.

"Jacob Black! You really need to learn personal space!" Bella pouted from her position of six foot up in the air on his shoulder.

"Not really." He dumped Bella down on the couch and plopped onto the seat beside her too. "Soda?" He offered her a can of coke he'd pulled from the side of the couch.

"Where did that come from?"

"Mini-fridge." He wiggled his eyebrows smugly and Bella leaned across him to see the mini-fridge he had stocked at the side of the sofa.

He lived in a small shack on the reservation, came to her house to watch the flat screen and yet could afford to run a mini-fridge next to his sofa. It really didn't make sense to Bella.

She broke into peals of laughter at the audacity to have a fridge and suppose she wanted soda. The fact that she did, couldn't matter to Bella, it was the principal that she shouldn't be predictable.

"Sure, sure."

Jacob brushed the cool soda against Bella's skin that was revealed at her hip and she shivered and ducked away.

"That's cold! Bastard!"

He laughed deep and throatily. Finally Bella pried the can of soda from Jacob's big fingers and sat back into the corner of her couch where she snuggled into the cushions. He grinned and propped his legs up along the length of the couch, which forced Bella to place her own over his, due to his huge size. It was nice for somebody to be physically comfortably around her, and nice for her to be the same with him.

"What do you want to talk about?" Jacob took a deep gulp of soda and waited for Bella to answer.

"Alice."

He grinned. "Has, Bella, got a crush?"

She blushed furiously at his insinuation. "Not exactly."

"Aww, Bella's, got a crush!" He sang in a sing-song voice that was much deeper that it should have been to pull of the teasing note.

She kicked him gently in the ribs. "So you have a crush and need some advice on how to tell her? I'm afraid I won't be much help."

Bella shook her head and placed her hand over his mouth to stop his teasing taunts anymore. "I like her, but I think she might be self-harming or her dad might be abusing her."

Jacob's mouth hung slack when Bella removed her hand. It was not what he had expected at all. _How could he even begin to help with that? What did she even want him to do? _

"W-what?"

"I know it seems crazy, but I saw bruises on her body and she had these slashes on her wrists. I'm worried about her, Jacob."

"Okay, Bells." He takes her hand from across the sofa and holds it between his own while gently stroking her hand.

"I want to help her, Jacob, because I really like her. I don't have any other friends otherwise I swear I wouldn't ask you."

"Hey—" Jacob grasps hold of Bella's face in his and draws her towards him. "—Bella, keep calm."

Slowly she nods her head and takes a deep breath. "I just care for her Jacob."

"I know you do. How can I help?"

"I have her address."

Jacob freezes in his soothing of Bella. "You've got her address?"

Bella smiled shyly. "I didn't stalk her."

"I never said you did."

"I kind of borrowed it from the school system."

"Borrowed if from the school system?" Jacob broke into laughter at the audacity of Bella. She was one of those people you wouldn't expect to ever break into school and do something rebellious.

"It's for the good of Alice."

He took a few moments to really look at Bella then, she was nothing like the little girl he used to play with. She had become a strong, determined woman upon her leaving with her mother. Although there was a haunted edge to Bella that he could see in the shadows of her mind. There was a side of her she was afraid to admit to or show to anybody and that's what drew Jacob to Bella because no matter how fierce or headstrong she was acting, there was a sensitive, vulnerable side that needed protection.

Jacob found himself suckered into Bella's truth-telling eyes and nodded his head.

"I'll help however you need me."

"I don't want to visit Alice's on my own."

He frowned at Bella in disapproval. "I wouldn't let you go on your own. You're telling me she's being hurt at home, so that means I'm not about to let you walk in there too! Even if I hadn't agreed I would have followed you to make sure you're safe."

Bella grinned and threw her arms around Jacob's neck.

"Thank you, Jacob. You're more of a friend than anybody could ask for."

"Sure, sure. Why don't we watch a movie?"

"What about Alice?"

"I'm not going to go firing down there now, Bells. It's dark and I'd prefer to do it in daylight. And how would your dad feel about you sneaking about in the dark?"

She slumped down defeated.

"Just like I thought. Billy will phone him and let him know you're here and then I'll drive you back later."

"But, Jacob—"

"No 'buts', Bells!"

She raised an eyebrow as he held his hand over her mouth to stop her speaking and he merely stared her down.

"Fine." Bella's voice was muffled and muted by his big, manly hand, but Jacob understood it nevertheless.

"Good." He ruffled Bella's hair in a friendly gesture.

"Jacob Black!" She beat her fists against his meaty muscle and he tackled her down onto the sofa and began tickling her relentlessly.

"Give in because I won't stop!"

"No!" She thrashed her arms and continued to cry and laugh at his antics.

Billy Black sat in the doorway smiling at the antics of his son and Bella—who he thought of as a daughter. They were just playful teenagers and he was happy to see a smile on his son's face. It had been a while since he'd seen that. Jacob had been under a lot of stress caring for him, he hated to be a burden to his son. Bella had brought a new life to Forks when she'd arrived because not only was Jacob returning to the childhood he'd never had, but Charlie was happy too.

Billy thought about how Bella and Jacob would be a perfect couple, if she were so inclined. His son had informed him the very day Bella had told him. Jacob had been dejected and upset at first, but then he'd decided to make the most of the situation and said he'd be the "best friend she could possibly have".

He hadn't told Charlie and had no intention because he knew that was a hurdle for Bella, but in his own mind he knew Charlie wouldn't care as long as his daughter was happy. Charlie had missed Bella when she went to live with her mum, and her coming back was the greatest gift she could give him. So if she liked girls more than boys, he probably wouldn't mind.

Finally after watching the two teenagers laugh and Bella give in to Jacob's tickling for long enough Billy wheeled himself from the room to call Charlie and have a good old chat.

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><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own Twilight.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I know, little bit of a weird ending, but I couldn't find a good way to sum this chapter up. I know, no Alice again.

*Pouts*

The next four chapters we get development on the Alice/Bella front and a move in the right direction to a HEA—hopefully.

I **LOVE all your reviews**! They mean so much to me! I hope you continue to read and review! Thanks to everyone who has added this story to alerts/favourites. I know it is slow moving, but things will be good once they get into a role.

**Updates**: I hope to update every week, if not every two!

Don't forget, you can **follow me on Twitter! NerdetteLove**

Thanks for reading, don't forget to **let me know what you think, please!**

-Nerdette


	12. Pain of All Kinds

***^* The Loveless Lives *^* ~ Nerdette Love**

**Chapter Eleven: **Pain of All Kinds

**Dedicated to: **Villemo79

"_Bella, baby, please!" The girl writhing beneath her whined and bucked towards her. _

"_What do you want, baby? Tell me!" _

"_I want you to touch me." Her whole body was quivering with anticipation and she was close to tears because she was aching that much. _

_Bella ran her hand over the pale skin beneath her hand and revelled in the silky feeling. A hand shot out to grasp Bella's own in a tight hold._

"_Do it now!"_

Bella woke up with her hand outstretched, her body worked up and she was panting. The reoccurring dreams were slowly getting worse, but they'd backtracked into faceless dreams again. The further they developed the more the face became blurred. This time more than kissing was involved and it left Bella moody and excited. She was sexually aroused with no way of solving it.

Masturbation was something she'd always felt awkward about. She could understand how people felt that it was something they should all be comfortable with and accept as part of humanity, but another part of her still queried whether it was really alright. Would she ever admit to touching herself and bringing herself to climax? It didn't sit well with Bella. So she left herself sexually frustrated and worked her way through everything to the best of her own ability with the hopes that she could push it to the back of her mind and forget it.

However, the more she pushed these urges away, the more they came back with a force. The dreams had progressed to this stage after she had suppressed her urges for Alice more, but when she allowed them to centre in her thoughts, the dreams were less intense.

Slowly Bella dragged the covers from her body to allow the air to cool her overheated body. Once the air hit her body, her nipples hardened in the air and she shivered from the sensation of the coolness seeping into all of her body. Bella groaned in frustration. _Maybe the cold air wasn't such a good idea. _Not understanding her own need, Bella rubbed her legs together and found the friction eased the sensation for a moment before increasing the intensity.

"Bells!" The gruff voice of her father stopped all of Bella's contemplation of possibly attempting to solve this situation and she rolled quickly out of bed. She dragged on a robe and hurried to her door.

"Yes, Dad?"

"I'm off to work, honey, I'll catch you later!"

"Be safe!"

"Always am."

The door thudded behind him and Bella sunk back against the wall. Her whole body had been running on a nervous energy at the thought of being caught by her father in such a compromising situation, but she felt utterly exhausted now. It was strange to her because she'd only just awoken.

"Cold shower." Bella nodded her head to herself and began trailing around the room in search of a towel. Once she had her morning essentials she headed for the bathroom.

* * *

><p>When the cool liquid hit her body, her muscles tensed at first due to the drastic temperature difference. Eventually the cold shower began to clear her aroused fogged brain and she could start to think clearly.<p>

Not wanting to freeze herself Bella shifted the shower to hot, and jumped away when she realised it was scalding hot. She let out a squeak of surprise. Then she lost her footing and her left foot slide on the glossy bath tub surface.

"Oh shit!" Bella went tumbling backwards and she reached out with a hand to stop her fall, but failed. Her hand made contact with the shower curtain and she clutched onto it as her body flew towards the bath tub. It all seemed to occur in slow motion before her body finally hit the tub bottom with a _thwack!_

"Ah!" The tears streamed down Bella's face as she held still while the pain resonated up from her buttocks to her back and down through her legs. Her foot was twisted askew, dangling out of the bath—hopefully not twisted—and her body was covered in the shower curtain. The hot water was streaming down from the shower head all the time. It wasn't scalding at least now and Bella was grateful for that.

After a short while, she'd managed to bring her tears and mild panic attack under control enough to stand on shaky legs and turn of the shower. She slumped down on the toilet seat lid and held her shaking body for several moments. She hated being clumsy, but this probably topped all her previous accidents. She could feel a bruise forming on her ass already from the impact. Her ankle was swollen, her back was sore and she felt the nervous energy racking he body with shakes.

"Oh gosh!" She buried her face in her hands.

Only when her body started to shiver did she reach for her towel to dry her body of the remaining water droplets that were cooling her body temperature as they evaporated.

Bella groaned as she stood and wrapped herself in the towel, her whole body protesting against the movement. Bella surveyed the scene of the crime before her and thought of the utter destruction she'd caused. They would need a new bathroom pole and curtain as well as a matt to stick in the base of the shower. This would be her first port of call in the store when she finished school. She would not get back in the shower without some kind of protection for herself and her body.

"Nice one, Bella." Bella hobbled from the bathroom, continuing to talk to herself as she shivered and groaned.

* * *

><p>Unsurprisingly Bella was late for school after the rather unfortunate bathroom incident and found that she was hurrying into school after the last bell for second lesson. In her shower troubles of the whole morning, she'd missed a whole lesson in trying to get dressed with a sore body. Her school bag was flying all around and attempting to knock her out with the heavy books it contained. Her ankle protested the whole time, so she hobbled in a quick fashion to attempt to make up the lost time of her second lesson. The heavy bag was all down to her lack of time and her not daring to visit her locker in case of finding more trouble with her teacher. It was all she needed after only a short time at the school—not even a month—to get a reputation for being a late student.<p>

She collided with the door to her English class and practically fell through the door. Mrs Lambert turned to her with disapproval, but waved her towards her seat rather than stopping the class to humiliate Bella. After all, she'd already done that herself when falling through the door.

Bella kept her head down as she scurried to her seat. She flung her bag down quickly without thought.

"Ow. What have I done?"

Bella rebuked at the chirpy little voice and looked up to see Alice smiling shyly at her.

"Sorry, I didn't see you sat there." Bella smiled in apology.

"It—"

"Isabella Swan, do you have something to say to the class?"

Bella turned away from Alice, and shook her head at the fiery anger that shined in Mrs Lambert's eyes. "No, Mrs Lambert!"

"Good. Sit down and shut up!"

Bella dropped quickly into her seat, having never seen Mrs Lambert quite like this before. It was rather scary if she was to admit it to herself.

Bella's head twisted to the side when she heard the quiet, tinkering laughter of Alice fill her ears.

"Don't laugh at me!" Bella sunk in her seat and tried to appear nonchalant about her quiet talking with Alice.

"I'm sorry. It's just so damn funny."

"Thanks, really, thanks!"

Alice elbowed Bella gently in the gut for her sarcastic remark, meaning Bella tried in vain to stop herself from jumping. However she had no success. After all her body was aching and the rib jab from a very pointy elbow did little to alleviate her discomfort. Yet she would not make Alice feel guilty for her own pain because she didn't know.

"Isabella Swan, outside down!"

Bella quickly scurried from the room, her eyes lingering on Alice who stuck her tongue out at her and winked.

It seemed things were okay between them, but she couldn't say. Alice may have been teasing her, but she seemed more reserved and closed off from Bella than they'd previously become. Having been sent outside it left Bella little to do and no way in which to communicate with Alice without fear of getting her into trouble so she slunk down onto the floor in a rather painful movement that ended in a whimper.

Several moments later Mrs Lambert came bustling out of the class and glared at Bella disapprovingly.

"I don't know what has come over you today, Isabella, but I expect when you return for an attitude adjustment to occur."

Bella was shocked! Mrs Lambert thought she was intentionally being rude. Never in her life had she set out to be disrespectful to a teacher, especially the ones she liked, and this was really worrying for her to have her first case of discipline. She gnawed on her lower lip and nodded her head.

"I'm sorry, Mrs Lambert."

"Good. Get inside." Mrs Lambert was short, sharp and edgy and it made Bella uncomfortable.

She managed to rise up from the ground in quiet agony and hobble back to the door. Inside the classroom, she moved back to her seat and then she noticed how Alice shifted when Bella eyed her and how her arms weren't in sight. She noticed her seat further at her own desk and the clothing Alice wore—it covered every part of her body. It seemed her playful personality didn't quite match her appearance and demure today. She'd pulled away from Bella and silently inside, this killed Bella just a little. She wanted Alice to trust her, and she knew that took time, but for her to be like this, she felt like things had ended before they'd even begun.

Bella slunk back into her seat and avoided Alice's eye for the rest of the lesson. She'd been hurt by Alice and she wanted to hurt her back in some sick way, deep down. Bella didn't do it intentionally, but part of her found that she couldn't talk to Alice when Alice was pulling away.

Maybe Rose could have been right. Alice might just be more trouble than she was worth. Bella sighed and flipped open her notebook and began jotting down notes for the lesson.

Meanwhile beside her Alice felt like she'd had her arm chopped off. Bella had gone from happy and conversational to totally ignorant_. Had she done something wrong?_ _Was she upset about getting sent out?_ Alice knew Mrs Lambert was stressed and that her anger wasn't directed solely at Bella. Bella was a good student, but _why was she behaving like this? _

Alice couldn't fathom Bella's actions and they upset her. On Friday she'd said she liked her and cared about her, and that had freaked Alice out. She'd been unable to comprehend somebody liking her and what that could mean. Alice had always been told since her mother died that she was unlikeable and that nobody would ever want to be friends with her, but Bella had changed that ideal for a short while. _Had she changed her mind now? _

A tear slipped down Alice's cheek. She would admit fearing Bella's reaction to her again today and had tried to play things off, as well as hiding her body from Bella's scrutiny because she didn't want to be labelled a pain freak or have Bella look too much into the marks. She wasn't a pain freak! She knew she wasn't, it had been a stupid lapse in judgement. No matter how good it may have felt, Alice knew somewhere she had a tendency to be a masochistic in the sense she liked people inflicting pain upon her, but she could only gather this was since her life had been filled with it, and it's what she deserved.

However she didn't want Bella to see her like this because a part of her was yearning for Bella's friendship. She needed somebody in her life and Bella had been her hope for saviour. Everything was turning out wrong and she hated it!

Alice turned her own body away from Bella feeling dejected and wiped away the few tears that had spilled down her cheeks. She would give Bella some time to come around and see if it was just a momentary annoyance at something or another and not Alice. If Bella came to Alice then she would try to reach for her too—it's all that she could do—because reaching out for Bella was too much for Alice, and she wasn't sure if she'd survive another failed leap of faith. Then that lapse in judgement might just turn out to be her ending …

* * *

><p>By the end of the lesson the tension between the two girls had surmounted to an uncomfortable level. They were both sat on the edge of their seats and twisted away from one and other.<p>

The bell buzzed to signify the end of the lesson and both girls were verging on tears at the misinterpretations they were gaining from the other. Alice drew her arms close to her body to hide them, but as Bella began furiously stuffing things into her bag, neither girl seems able to withstand the growing pain and anger between them.

They turn to each other at the same time, both wary. Alice because she was fearful of Bella's reaction to her wrists and what her liking her actually meant, and Bella for Alice having closed off from her.

Slowly they make eye contact and the last few things in Bella's hand tumble into her backpack.

"Bella!"

Quickly Bella turned her head to the voice calling her name. It was Rosalie Hale in her full glory. Her blonde hair cascaded down around her shoulders. The vivid red blouse she wore contrasted against her pale skin, and she'd accompanied it with black, tight, figure-hugging skinny jeans. She looked a vision to anybody who would view her, but Bella found her mood quickly souring for being interrupted.

Rose's black Gucci back swung on her arm—it matched her patent, heeled shoes. It was where Bella's attention was drawn because such extravagant displays of money always made her feel uncomfortable. Rosalie and Bella were from different worlds and yet they seemed to have a very unconventional friendship. To some it may seem unfathomable, to Bella it seemed complicated, and to Rosalie it was needed.

"Hurry up, Bella."

Inside Bella felt so torn over everything, this girl before he had been a complete bitch towards Alice and was forcing her to remove Alice from her life. However, she had never shunned Bella, not really. From the very moment they had met, she'd dragged Bella into her life with vibrant buoyancy and never rejected her. Yet Alice had brought her in, shunned her, rejected hurt and deep down, had hurt Bella immensely.

"I'm nearly finished." Bella would not hurt herself any more over this girl who so bluntly pushed her out of her life. _How could Bella destroy her life for somebody who showed no interest in her?_

Rosalie smiled in satisfaction to Alice who looked crestfallen. _Why would Bella do this?_

Bella grabbed her back and her coat and hurried towards Rose. She could feel the burning gaze of Alice's eyes upon her back and every step felt like her heart was being ripped out—not only that, but her body was in agony due to its bruises and aches from her earlier mishap—but she didn't know what to do anymore. Bella could say she was a coward because she'd use Rose to escape, but she was so deadly afraid of what Alice would bring.

Being scared shouldn't mean that she should be persecuted, but she was afraid and this led to her running.

"Everyone is waiting at the cars, Bella! Hurry up your ass." Rose trotted out of the room, her heels clicking against the floor.

Before she left, Bella allowed herself one final glance back. Alice was staring at her with a blank, emotionless face while she held onto her arms. Alice's arms were covered and hidden from Bella's view. That could have pushed Bella to make her decision or just the undeniable pain inside; she wasn't sure in that moment.

Alice looked alone and desolate. Her black, spiky and wild hair framed her little, pale face. She had a nose stud—a new addition—that black lip ring, and her clothes were that quirky little jacket and black jeans. These ones were skinny, but accentuated Alice in a way Rose could never compare. They looked divine!

The two girls made eye contact for what seemed an eternity, and then Rose pulled on Bella's arm and dragged her from the room, dragged her from Alice. However most of all, she broke that momentary connection between Alice and Bella that may have in the moment saved them. There was no going back from this now.

Bella had chosen to follow Rose and she would reap the consequences …

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><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own Twilight or its characters.

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><p><strong>AN: **I know this chapter is short, but it fitted to have no more. I've been really ill this week otherwise there would have been an update sooner.

Thank you for continuing to read and review! I love to hear your reviews! Wow, 83 reviews. That's fantastic!

**Update: **1 – 2 Weeks

Remember this is an angst story, but don't worry yet!

Oh, forgot to say, links aren't working at the moment due to fanfiction, so sorry for the inconvience.

**However, DO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER! NerdetteLove**

Please let me know what you think!

**-Nerdette**

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><p><strong>Fic Recs:<strong>

When Fire Meets Ice by MV23Alice/Bella

Don't Set Me Free by jlwilli3 Leah/Bella


	13. The Sketchbook

***^* The Loveless Lives *^* ~ Nerdette Love**

**Chapter Twelve: **The Sketchbook

**Dedication: **Villemo79

The house of the Swans looked empty from first glance. The only sign that anybody was in being the monster orange truck that sat in the drive. However with its rustic appeal and dogged look it seemed that it had long been stuck there. This was not the case, but to an outsider it would be hard to assume otherwise.

Nothing was out of the ordinary for this house; it was strong and sturdy with a large tree that leaned close to Bella Swan's window. Her father had always been concerned about that tree because he knew when she grew up his "baby girl" would be beautiful and attract all the boys. He didn't want to have to deal with the possibility of them climbing the tree. Fortunately this would never be a problem for Charlie Swan, but how was he to know?

Inside the house Bella sat alone in her bedroom. She sat with only candle light in her room. She preferred the dim tones of the light compared to the harsh electrical bulbs that were piercingly bright. They often left her with a headache and it was easy for her to relax by candlelight.

It had occurred to Bella the problem of, if the candle ever fell over or knocked into something flammable, but until this event occurred, she felt safe with the candle.

A rather tattered sketchbook sat in front of her. She knew it was wrong, but after the sight of that first drawing she felt inexplicably drawn to searching further into this book. Before her Bella could tell Alice treasured this. Despite the curling corners and the yellow tinges to the page, everything was neat and pristine inside. There was no sign of torn sketch pages of ripped corners other than the tear to the cover. It was perfectly held together.

Slowly, rather tentatively, Bella reached out to open the sketchbook. She felt guilty as though she would be uncovering the secrets of Alice herself. Some people felt that their sketchbooks were their own personal diary in which they expressed themselves through drawings. Bella knew she would never read somebody's diary, so why was this any different?

That question she found hard to answer. She let out a frustrated sigh and scooted further back into the mound of pillows she'd placed on her bed. They were hard and soft at the same time. Stealing her courage and brushing aside her guilt Bella turned the page to see a picture of her drawn there.

She didn't know how she knew it was her because in her own opinion the picture was much too extravagant and complementary. She and the picture had the same features, but Alice had rounded her face more, curled her hair, and made her eyes look wide and pretty. She'd captured Bella in a style that made her look alive. The picture was breath-taking and this was a word she would have _never _associated with herself.

The sketchbook remained untouched on the bed for a few moments later before Bella, knowing she'd already view this picture, turned the page over. Once again she was confronted with herself, but this time it was different. It was her in the library. She remembered the day clearly. Alice had captured her slumped over the table. Although from this angle, the arch of her back and neck, the whole posture of her body was anything but slumped. Slumped is something Bella would associate with laziness, but Alice had reflected the idea that Bella was a cat leisurely stretching out.

Quickly flipping to the next page, Bella caught sight of herself biting her lip, the next view was part of her face and then a collage of different shots, small ones, different features, shadowed, un-shadowed. Bella feeling more frantic by the second, continued to flip through the pages of the sketchbook, only to keep seeing herself, over and over again.

By the time she'd reached the end of the sketchbook and had seen a majority of herself, flowers and deeply disturbing images Bella was hyperventilating while being acutely aware of her surroundings.

She didn't know what all this could mean. What was she going to do? Bella had felt that Alice didn't care about her and she'd wanted to pull away from Bella, but here every single drawing was off her.

The whole sketchbook was full of pictures of her. There wasn't a single space that wasn't coated in images, drawings, symbols. They may not have all been of her, but large amount were. She just couldn't fathom it.

Why?

It was dark outside, but Bella couldn't sleep. The moon was high and the street lamps were on outside. However it wasn't late enough to suggest everybody would be asleep and in their homes. Bella had come to realise many of the kids from Forks were night-owls and tended to stay up late and linger in the alleys, parks and around the shops … chilling.

Bella was not in favour of this behaviour in any way and purposely went out of her way to avoid becoming friends with these people. Rosalie tended to lock herself away in her lavish home invite friends over for "study sessions" and then show off all her clothes and let people dress one and other like Barbie dolls.

None of these activities appealed to Bella, she was the type of girl to enjoy curling up in bed with a book and a hot chocolate or sometimes tea—preferably milky. She was "old beyond her time" as her mother had once said. It showed her mother did have more normal phases. However at the time this made Bella feel isolated because as a teenage girl she didn't want to be known as old.

Not being able to sleep though wasn't anything to do with skipping the youth of town's nightly activities; it was a whole other matter. It was Alice Brandon who once again haunted her mind. This time it was the address on her bedside and the subsequent sketch book that were constantly catching in Bella's peripheral vision.

Being unable to stand the tension any longer, Bella swung her fully clothed body off the bed and grabbed for the sketchbook and address. As she stretched, the bruising on her body ached from the fall in the bath and she winced. She couldn't believe how clumsy she'd been, it was even worse than her normal behaviour.

"Stupid, Bella!"

Quickly she hobbled to grab her bag, the keys for her monstrous truck, and her flat Converse. She couldn't resist knowing where Alice lived and not going to at least view the house anymore. Bella may have told Jake she'd wait for him, but grasping the opportunity by the hand was a motto she was living with in this moment. She could only hope he'd understand her desire and frustration she was living with.

Especially after the tension and strain on the relationship between Alice and her, which had made it more tenuous than ever, she needed resolution.

The house was silent as Bella slipped from her room and scurried down the steps. The wooden floorboards creaked beneath her feet having already allowed cool air to seep inside.

"Bella?" Charlie's voice resonated up the stairs.

"Dammit!" She hurried down the last few steps. "You d-don't mind if I pop out do you, dad?" She smiled innocently.

"Where to? It's getting late, Bells." He frowned, his moustache scrunching up.

"Jake's."

The crinkles around his eyes smoothed out. "Sure. Don't be back to late, kiddo!" He waved her on her way and she scurried from the house.

She felt bad for lying to her father, but in all technicalities, she had said she'd go to Alice's with Jake. Only she'd be forgetting him ... this time. She promised herself that she'd make it up to him because she was positive he would be furious with her once he found out. She knew that he would find out because Jake was that type of person.

Bella ducked her head feeling like a fugitive as she hastened over to her truck and yanked open the cab door. She slid inside and began to shiver at the coolness of the cab. The outside was warmer than in the truck. Her keys were a little rusty and old when she stabbed them into the gauge and quickly started the truck. It rumbled loudly, coughed and spluttered.

"Let's go." She checked the map she'd bought of Forks, and memorised her destination before pulling the truck out of the driveway and headed towards Alice's.

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><p>Alice was searching frantically through her belongings for her little sketchbook. It was nowhere to be found and she was growing anxious in her search for it. Actually, she was beyond anxious by this point because she was bordering full blown panic.<p>

Her notebook contained hundreds of pictures of Bella and if somebody were to find it, she would dread to think the consequences. It would seem as though she'd been obsessing over the girl for weeks on end. It wasn't what it seemed because Bella was Alice's hope and that was the reason for then pictures. She brought Alice peace for the first time since her mother had died.

Alice had clung to this new found peace with every fibre of her being. To find that the sketchbook had been misplaced or worse, stolen, the idea left Alice feeling distraught. If the popular gang had discovered it the torment and abuse she would receive would only intensify especially since Bella was amongst them. It did not matter if Bella did not fit with them or if they did not like Bella, they had a vicious pack mentality.

Pack mentality: the idea that they would protect one of their own against the outsiders. They were simple minded creatures who didn't think outside of their actions and little circle because they were small minded.

"Oh God!" Alice wailed and dropped down onto the floor. She was careful not to make another sound in case of making her step-father angry. The beast. She shuddered at the thought.

Alice whimpered in despair against her crumpled, dirty duvet and curled herself into a ball. She wanted her sketchbook for comfort. She wanted her picture of Bella. Her peace and solace.

Feeling claustrophobic and distressed in the house, Alice pushed open the sky light and vaulted out of the room. She stood on the roof and edge towards the flat space where she sat down and stared up at the sky. The wind whipped around her and lifted her hair, making it fly.

She felt alive outside in the night air and she embraced it with laughter. Slowly Alice allowed herself to fall back against the roof and relish as the cool slabs touched against her overheated skin. This was her solace—like the garden—and her personal reprieve from the beast downstairs. She would climb up her on nice nights when it hadn't been raining or snowing. Tonight was the perfect night.

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><p>Bella stopped her truck several blocks from Alice's house because the sheer noise of it would attract attention and she didn't want that. She slipped from her truck and banged the door to keep it shut. Then she scuttled down to the address she had on the paper.<p>

She paused when she came before the house because it was intimidating. It was dilapidated and crumbling, the edges worn and old. It was a mess. Bella stood still, shocked for a moment. How could Alice live like this?

Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of Alice living inside. She hoped, even prayed that they just couldn't maintain the outside easily, but she didn't feel like that would be the case. It looked empty.

Bella braced herself and made her way up the path to the house. She didn't pause in her step or falter because otherwise she feared she would lose all the courage she'd manage to raise in coming here.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. _

Her timid knock resonated throughout the whole house and it through her. She stumbled back a little, but quickly straightened herself out. She was being entirely irrational and allowing the state of the house to overcome her senses.

She waited for a while before she heard the lumbering footsteps that informed her of somebody's presence in the house. She became nervous when she realised the thundering footsteps couldn't be those of Alice. Only now could she realise that it wasn't smart to come without Jacob and that she had potentially placed herself into danger.

With a grunt the door swung open to reveal a beast of a man. His belly protruded out into a life of its own and he wore a vest that was stretched taut across the mound. The vest was coated in stains of all colours and it looked grey when it had once been white.

Bella felt her stomach revolt as her eyes trailed up from his stomach to the scruffy beard with food crumbs still remaining there, and the cruel harsh lines of his mouth. Bella began to wish a hole would open up and suck her into the ground. She thought she could be strong, but if Alice lived with him, then she felt infinitely sorry for her because this man was a man of nightmares. Bella couldn't fathom Alice living here.

When he spoke his voice was deep, croaky and menacing. It made her skin crawl. "What do you want?" He narrowed his eyes at her and Bella shifted uncomfortably.

"Umm … does Alice live here?"

He grunted. "Don't know any Alice, but you can come in if you like, pretty girl." He leered at her with a lecherous grin and Bella tumbled backwards down the steps hastily.

"No thanks." Bella quickly retreated up the drive and ran a block in the opposite direction. The man was a monster. He may not have appeared violent, but he certainly wasn't odorous, his stench had seeped up into her nostrils and shrivelled the very hairs with his stench. He looked disgusting and he had a crude personality.

Bella slumped against a tree that bordered the edge of the woods, totally out of breath and shaking from her encounter with Alice's father.

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><p>Alice heard the door bang and the beast cursing downstairs before he quietened. She sighed in relief and sat up. Then she noticed the stream of brown, wavy locks flying behind a small figure and Alice's breathe hitched. It was Bella.<p>

_Oh no! Had she been to see her? _

Alice couldn't bear the thought of Bella coming to her house or more importantly meeting her step-father who was a hideous beast. What would she think? She was also concerned about Bella's actual well-being because she knew he didn't really strike out often, but he had the capability.

Not being able to take the fear and clenching of her own heart at the idea of Bella being injured from a visit to her house, Alice had to move to the edge of the roof where the piping and trellis was that would enable her to climb down.

It didn't occur to Alice to wonder where, how or why Bella had her address all she had to do was make sure she was okay. She knew they'd had a rather trouble few days and the fact that Bella had come looking showed that somewhere inside she might care for Alice more than she sometimes showed. And if Bella had been scared away by the beast it might prevent her from talking to Alice again.

Carefully she dropped to her ass, turned onto her stomach and shimmed over the edge of the roof. She wrapped her legs around the pipe and slid slowly down until her hands were the only thing keeping her held onto the roof. Her arms were straining from the weight of her body—despite her small frame. The she released them in one quick movement—gasped—and clutched for the pipe that she was now sliding—or free-falling—down.

"Eeek." Alice cut off her shriek to prevent attention being drawn to her. She squeezed the drainpipe tighter to prevent her movement and clung like a monkey.

Then she kicked her leg out to reach to the trellis and carefully placed her foot into one of the wooden planks to get a stronghold. After this she shuffled her body around to grab the wood in one hand. This left her stretched between the trellis and drainpipe in a precarious situation. Slowly she began to sway to build up the momentum to swing her whole body across. Then she finally threw her body and caught onto the trellis, so her whole body was in one place and began to clamber down.

Alice finally dropped to the ground nimbly when she was only a few feet off. Her feet stung for a moment from the impact and it resonated up her thighs, but she slowly pulled herself up. She was small and agile and she'd done the climb many times, it didn't mean it was on easier on her heart, but she enjoyed the thrill and adrenaline rush of it.

She giggled and began jogging off in the direction that she'd seen Bella go. She hoped she would be able to catch up to her and that she had not already jumped into her truck because although Alice thought she was quite physically fit, she wasn't capable of running after a vehicle—even a slow one.

She jogged for about a block before she came to rest, she couldn't see anybody. She looked around again and wondered how far Bella had parked away. For a few moments everything remained silent.

"Alice?"

She twisted her head around rapidly and couldn't see where the noise was coming from.

"Down here!"

She dropped her eyes to the ground and spotted Bella in the dark leaning against a tree looking flushed and a little frightened.

"Bella."

The two girls eyed each other warily because they weren't sure about the reaction of the other and what it would be. Bella didn't move and just continued to stare up at Alice, her eyes gleaming with unshed tears. Alice couldn't fathom why Bella might be crying—strange girl.

"Did you come to my house?"

Bella let out a little gasp and her mouth formed an 'oh'.

_Shoot! She mustn't have known it was my house. _

"N-no."

Alice eyed Bella closely because they both knew she was lying, but she couldn't fathom why Bella would do this for her. It a sense it gave her enormous relief to pretend her house, the beast and her life didn't exist for a few moments, but it angered her that Bella had taken the decision out of her hands.

It was stupid and petulant really, but sometimes that was how Alice felt.

"Oh."

"I have your sketchbook."

Alice looked up from the ground which she had been viewing with distinct interest, up until this point because the news of her sketchbook came along with a rush of happiness.

"You have?"

A smile played across Bella's lips at the vibrancy that had become Alice. "Sure, it's in my truck."

Alice didn't want to push, but she really wanted it back and she was bouncing on her feet as she waited for Bella to make a move.

The darkness was surrounding the two girls even more and the evening was pushing on. Bella knew she couldn't sit on the damp ground for much longer and Alice was eager to retrieve her sketchbook so she stood slowly and brushed down her body.

"My truck is up here, you can wait or come." Bella sauntered off before she got an answer. Inside she was secretly hoping that Alice would follow her because she was intoxicated by spending time in Alice's presence. It truly thrilled her!

The two girls walked in companionable silence to Bella's truck neither able to find a subject that would fill the quietness of the night. Inane chatter and small talk had never been one of Bella's strong subjects and Alice was used to the silence of her room at the late hour. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence that they both resided in, but in fact they both felt comfortable and safe in the presence of the other.

Once they eventually reached Bella's truck Alice was growing agitated to get her sketchbook back into her own hands. It was no longer just a want, but a physical need!

"I'll just get it from the cab." Bella quickly popped open the door and clambered into the truck to reach over and get the sketchbook that was lying on the dashboard. Her ass was stuck up in the air and it gave Alice a great view of her derriere, had she been interested.

"Here it is." Bella looked triumphant when she slid out and pushed the cab door shut with her back. She offered it out to Alice who took it tentatively.

Both girls locked eyes when they were both holding an edge of the sketchbook. They could feel something electric, exciting between them that seemed to be further enhanced by the darkness surrounding and cloaking them.

"I'll just t-take this then." Alice tugged it gently, but without any real force.

"Yeah." Eventually Bella released the book and Alice hugged it to her body. "I'm sorry."

Alice looked up, surprise coating her face at Bella's outburst. "For what?"

Bella looks uncomfortable for a moment. "Saying I like you."

Alice's mouth parted slightly, but she didn't say anything. Bella chose that moment to step forward and Alice's eyes widened in alarm. "What are you doing?"

Bella ducked her head; she didn't know what she was doing. She dropped back again. "I best be going."

"Yes."

"Bella?"

Bella turned quickly, hope filling her voice.

Alice's face was cold and empty as she clung to her sketchbook looking like she would break from a mere nudge. Her body was so frail, she was so deathly pale and Bella just wanted to scoop her into her arms and hold her tightly against her.

"Don't come by again."

Bella blinked stunned and watched as Alice ducked her head and fled. However that wasn't before she'd thrown her arms around Bella infinitely quickly and squeezed her tightly. The hug had been so quick and sparse that Bella had not had time to react and she stood watching Alice flee. She could feel the imprint of where her arms had wrapped around her body. Despite her being small and thin, she had astonishing strength and Bella had liked the feeling of safety and warmth that accompanied her hug.

Nobody was around to witness this little phenomena and Bella did not realise this was the first hug Alice had given to anybody since her mother died. In some way her coldness had been a warning for Bella because she wanted her safe.

In the dark of the night, Bella slipped back into her truck, and held herself as she allowed tears of happiness to fall from her eyes.

Alice had hugged her …

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: All these wonderful characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. <strong>

**A/N: **Thanks for continuing to read and review.

Reviews are highly appreciated, anonymous and signed, either is welcome.

Sorry for not updating sooner.

This story is NOT a tragedy and it will not become one. That's to reinforce the fact, Aidis, and give you piece of mind!

-Nerdette


	14. Apology

Hey Guys,

Currently on: hiatus with this story. I can only afford to work on one story at a time. I feel like the other one is a bigger project to conquer and finish but I will be back.

I have to say I'm sorry for the time being, but I do appreciate all the reviews/support etc! :)

Thanks for all the support,

Nerdette


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